Wednesday, July 20, 2005

The Case of the Missing Ducky (and 2 x 4)

Been able to find out who stole my potty board and rubber ducky I have not. Asked all the Jedi I have. Talking no one is. Tried gentle forms of persuasion I have: the pressure washer, cookie deprivation, Force-wedgies, mild electrical shocks to the brain, ... nothing. Willing to say what they know, no one is.

So, no choice they left me. The Coruscant PD I called. They said that put their best man on the case they would:

Very relieved I am that on the job he is. Very competent he seems. Already narrowed the list of suspects down to eight, he has.

The Suspects:

Bubba the Hutt
aka Booger Face

Motive: Been happy with me he has not since kept his drinking buddy, Kenobi, from hanging out with him, I have. Also, instrumental I was in ending the blockade of Naboo by his Bait & Tackle Federation. Prevented him from cornering the galactic market on live bait and cheap tobacco this has.

aka The Kenobinator

Motive: Starting to resent the "tough love" I have shown him, he may be. Possible it is that enjoy being sprayed with a pressure washer or chased around the block with a lightsaber he does not.

Master Yaddle
aka Foxy Cleopatra

Motive: Recently, rejected her romantic advances I have. Said publicly she has how upset about this she is. As Deputy Fife said, "Hal's hat is not as furry as a woman scorned." Sure what that means, I am not.

aka Dookie Monster

Motive: Humiliated by our recent appearance on the Springer show he was. But all the way back to his days with the Jedi, his animosity towards me dates. My opinion on an album he had put out, A Hard Day's Knight he asked. That too much cow bell there was, I suggested. Forgiven me for that he has not.

aka Master Stubble Head

Motive: Sensitive about his head and hair-loss, he is (despite what in his recent guest post he wrote). Casually mentioned his hair loss in passing once or twice I may have, like here and here. Anyway, very touchy he is.

Young Skywalker
aka Ani From the Block

Motive: A punk he is, so need a motive, he does not. But several he has. For one thing, showed his Spider-Man Underoos to the Jedi Council I have. Also, let him be a master, I will not. But most importantly, his cookie priveleges I took away a week ago, and reinstated them I have not.

My Stupid Intern
aka Guido Goofy Pants

Motive: Word is that like working 18 hours a day for no pay he may not. Also tired of being known as "Stupid Intern" he might be.

Colonel Mustard
aka Not the Chicken Guy

Motive: No idea who this man is, I have. Want with my rubber ducky and potty board he would, I know not. But Deputy Fife said, "I don't like his looks. He looks like a heinous man. I can tell. Yep, when you're a trained law enforcement professional like me, you get an eye for these things. He's a heinous man, alright. I can tell."

Keep you apprised I will as forward the investigation moves.

Comments on "The Case of the Missing Ducky (and 2 x 4)"


Blogger jedisiri said ... (1:19 AM) : 

oh that is simple. is either mace or obi or ani.that's it.(now obi don't blame me for do have a special feeling towards potty board.)


Blogger General Grievous said ... (1:32 AM) : 

Well we can know for sure thats it wasn't me who stole the green monkey's board *cough*


Blogger ninjanun said ... (1:34 AM) : 

Don't forget Padme (aka Lady Scarlet). I bet she thinks your rubber ducky would make a nice toy for a certain *ahem* Padawan-on-the-way.


Anonymous whisper supremacy said ... (1:37 AM) : 

I'd say it was Colonel Mustard...He's known for his devious acts. I'd keep a close eye on him if I were you...


Blogger Master Yoda said ... (1:48 AM) : 

General Grievous!

Overlooked by Deputy Fife you must have been. Be available for a line-up would you?


Blogger Draco-7 said ... (3:20 AM) : 

Hmmm... tough one. It could have been Booger Face, i don't think it is kenobi, Master Yaddle's a possibility (bunny boiler!), dooku, probably, don't think it was windu or Skywalker or your stupid intern so that only leaves... COLONEL MUSTARD! (in the bathroom, with ducky and planky)


Blogger General Grievous said ... (5:27 AM) : 

How could you accuse me Master Yoda,

"Quack" Grievous yells "Billy! Stop hitting the squeky toy I gave you!"

Sorry about that my apprentice, who lacks the number of arms to be any use to me, is having fun taking out his anger on a toy I gave him. *cough*

But dear Yoda how could you possibly accuse me?


Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said ... (9:18 AM) : 

It 'could' have been me, but as you know I would never secretly make my way into the Jedi temple...after hours...into the archives...and use your tiny little bathtub... oops, I've said too much.


Blogger flu said ... (9:24 AM) : 

Master Yoda,

So glad to see I was not on your preliminary list.

Have you thought about offering a reward - No question asked - for the safe return of the stuff?


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (10:05 AM) : 

Maybe it's the Rock. <"">


Blogger Anakin Skywalker said ... (10:44 AM) : 

Why you keep accusin me, Y-dawg? I tol you I didn't take your ducky or plank or whatevs. Besides, those electroshock-brain-thingies make my arm tickle. They're kind of cool, yo. I just wish I could have more cookies...


Blogger flu said ... (11:16 AM) : 

Master Yoda,

What exactly does it mean to 'enligten' a padawan?

Please enlighten me on this matter.

Did I pass the test?


Blogger Master Yoda said ... (11:45 AM) : 

Young Starbucker,

This definition for "enligten" I found:

definition - v. a common spelling of enlighten used by sleep-deprived bloggers who decide to change their blog at 2:30 in the morning.

- Emmanuel Webster Lewis Dictionary

Much to learn, you still have, Young Starbucker.


Blogger flu said ... (12:36 PM) : 


I guess I'll have to finish my training someday.


Anonymous hc_godess said ... (12:52 PM) : 

Well, it could not have been Bubba. Left a trail of slime throughout the entire Temple, he would have.

Master Yoda, have you looked at the security tapes?


Blogger John said ... (12:53 PM) : 

I have it on good authority that it was Yaddle. She could only take so many Linda Hunt jokes.


Blogger Leia said ... (1:31 PM) : 

Not the Chicken Guy, eh? Everyone knows that chickens are the natural enemies of ducks! Look at his ducky yellow coat... Chubby face and beaklike nose... I'd say he definitely doesn't hate ducks!

Also, he looks like the kind of guy who sails. On a ship! Made of... wood!


Anonymous The Jedi Princess said ... (2:05 PM) : 

Yoda, I wish you luck.


Blogger Yaddle said ... (4:38 PM) : 

Hrmph. A bunny boiler I am not.

A vegetarian I am.. and anyway, have bunnies, Yoda does not.

*Soo* over that, am I.

Too busy I am to steal from Yoda. But incriminate anyone else, I will not. My friends they are.

Out of spite, bake cookies I will. Ready they will be, Skywalker, anytime. And buy Cheetos I will.

Foxy, I am? Too right that is.


Blogger Jar Jar Binks said ... (6:59 AM) : 

Itsa wassen Colonel Mustard in der Council Chamber with der lightsabre! Oops, wrong game.


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