The Case of the Missing Ducky (and 2 x 4)
|Been able to find out who stole my potty board and rubber ducky I have not. Asked all the Jedi I have. Talking no one is. Tried gentle forms of persuasion I have: the pressure washer, cookie deprivation, Force-wedgies, mild electrical shocks to the brain, ... nothing. Willing to say what they know, no one is.|
So, no choice they left me. The Coruscant PD I called. They said that put their best man on the case they would:
Very relieved I am that on the job he is. Very competent he seems. Already narrowed the list of suspects down to eight, he has.
Bubba the Hutt
aka Booger Face
Motive: Been happy with me he has not since kept his drinking buddy, Kenobi, from hanging out with him, I have. Also, instrumental I was in ending the blockade of Naboo by his Bait & Tackle Federation. Prevented him from cornering the galactic market on live bait and cheap tobacco this has.
aka The Kenobinator
Motive: Starting to resent the "tough love" I have shown him, he may be. Possible it is that enjoy being sprayed with a pressure washer or chased around the block with a lightsaber he does not.
aka Foxy Cleopatra
Motive: Recently, rejected her romantic advances I have. Said publicly she has how upset about this she is. As Deputy Fife said, "Hal's hat is not as furry as a woman scorned." Sure what that means, I am not.
aka Dookie Monster
Motive: Humiliated by our recent appearance on the Springer show he was. But all the way back to his days with the Jedi, his animosity towards me dates. My opinion on an album he had put out, A Hard Day's Knight he asked. That too much cow bell there was, I suggested. Forgiven me for that he has not.
aka Master Stubble Head
Motive: Sensitive about his head and hair-loss, he is (despite what in his recent guest post he wrote). Casually mentioned his hair loss in passing once or twice I may have, like here and here. Anyway, very touchy he is.
aka Ani From the Block
Motive: A punk he is, so need a motive, he does not. But several he has. For one thing, showed his Spider-Man Underoos to the Jedi Council I have. Also, let him be a master, I will not. But most importantly, his cookie priveleges I took away a week ago, and reinstated them I have not.
My Stupid Intern
aka Guido Goofy Pants
Motive: Word is that like working 18 hours a day for no pay he may not. Also tired of being known as "Stupid Intern" he might be.
aka Not the Chicken Guy
Motive: No idea who this man is, I have. Want with my rubber ducky and potty board he would, I know not. But Deputy Fife said, "I don't like his looks. He looks like a heinous man. I can tell. Yep, when you're a trained law enforcement professional like me, you get an eye for these things. He's a heinous man, alright. I can tell."
Keep you apprised I will as forward the investigation moves.