Saturday, May 21, 2005

Wisdom For the Ages

Asking me people keep, "Yoda, share some wisdom with me can you?". Like some kind of wisdom-spewing machine I am, it is.

Telling them that off the clock I am, I try. "If hear my wisdom you want, join the Jedi Academy you can. Send you a brochure I can. Stop by our campus you should. Available financial assistance is."

Still, stop bugging me for wisdom people will not. So, gathered some gems of wisdom here I have. The result of almost 900 years of learning they are. Enjoy!

Gems of Yoda's Wisdom
-Be nice to people shorter than you, you should. See up your nose, they can.
-Pet a strange Wookie you should not.
-If in a lightsaber fight you are, getting your hand chopped off, try not. (If a nickel I had for every time this advice a Jedi ignored, rich I would be. Why it is, that every time into a lightsaber fight someone gets, chopped off someone's hand is? Up with that, what is?)
-When walking you are, look down you should, so that trip over small Jedi Masters you do not.
-Try drinking more than Kenobi you should not, no matter how many times "Come on, Girlie-Man" he says.
-Anger leads to fear. Fear leads to stress. Stress leads to eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's every night. Eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's every night leads to getting fat. And that, no one wants.
-Wax on. Wax off. Wait, me that is not. Master Miyagi that is.
-Touch my Dolly Parton cd's you should, only if to die you want.
-Trouble with a capital "T", those women from Naboo are.
-Saying, "A disturbance in the Force, I sense" after someone farts, only funny once, it is.
-If sent to kill your former Padawan apprentice who has turned to the Dark Side, slaughtered all the Jedi, and is becoming the most powerful Sith ever, you are, before you leave make sure that really dead he is.


Something there is that told you I have not. Someone who helps me type this blog there is. Hey, two fingers and a thumb I have! Nothing to me the "home row" means! Anyway, written on his own blog a review of some big movie there is. Get me Dolly Parton concert tickets he promised if mention this I did.

Comments on "Wisdom For the Ages"


Anonymous Guinastasia said ... (10:00 PM) : 

Very wise you are, Master Yoda. I have a question though. You mentioned Kenobi's drinking, which reminded me of something I've always wondered: Is (or was, I guess) Qui-Gon a pot head? Because he really seemed like one.


Blogger Nic said ... (12:11 AM) : 

Master Yoda, you've been tagged by the obnoxious and annoying SCREAMING MEME! Come to my site and see what the commotion is about. :)


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (8:25 AM) : 

We can get you a Dolly Parton ticket by using one of the replicators we have on the Enterprise. Just be sure to get there early before someone else claims the seat


Blogger Orac said ... (10:31 AM) : 

No need. Master Yoda can simply do what Kenobi did with those stormtroopers:

"These are not your seats."

"These are not my seats."

"You'd better move on and find your seats."

"I'd better move on and find my seat."

Simple for a Jedi master!


Anonymous matt said ... (10:57 AM) : 

Thanks for the advice..haha


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (12:45 PM) : 

I have never seen Dolly in concert (I don't get out much, I have such weird hours). I loved it when she was on Saturday Night live 15 or so years ago. A multitalented performer she truly is.


Anonymous Nina said ... (3:53 PM) : 

Brillant, that advice was!


Blogger Diego said ... (7:44 PM) : 

Master Yoda,

First of all, let me say that I enjoy reading this blog very much.

Secondly, in reference to your last piece of advice, do you ever see any of the Jedi needing that particular gem of wisdom?

Finally, can I get a brochure for the Jedi Academy?



Anonymous Who your Daddy is said ... (4:34 AM) : 

Laughed so hard in my life, never I have.


Blogger trinamick said ... (10:42 AM) : 

Agree with your advice #1 I do. Vertically challenged I am, and seeing up people's noses? Sick it makes me. A Kleenex I offer them if nice they have been. Otherwise, invite other short people to stare and mock I do.


Anonymous Seitch said ... (2:24 PM) : 

Master Yoda, I disagree with your last piece of wisdom. When we try to influence the Force too greatly, our greatest fears may result. The Chosen One may have yet to finish his destined task and restore balance to the Force when the Jedi are at their lowest. We must place our faith in the Force.


Blogger pantrygirl said ... (3:00 PM) : 


Beware of the Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Therapy Ice Cream. It comes from the Dark Side.


Blogger umchaos said ... (10:28 PM) : 

Rocks, your blog does, Master Yoda!

And if all women from Naboo are as attractive as that Padme is, then Trouble here I come (I hope my Hyperspace drive is operational).


Anonymous TK4201 said ... (11:23 PM) : 

Before May 19th I did not like Orpah. Something happened on that day that has changed my clone life forever. Oprah we serve you.


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