Wisdom For the Ages

Asking me people keep, "Yoda, share some wisdom with me can you?". Like some kind of wisdom-spewing machine I am, it is. Telling them that off the clock I am, I try. "If hear my wisdom you want, join the Jedi Academy you can. Send you a brochure I can. Stop by our campus you should. Available financial assistance is." Still, stop bugging me for wisdom people will not. So, gathered some gems of wisdom here I have. The result of almost 900 years of learning they are. Enjoy! Gems of Yoda's Wisdom -Be nice to people shorter than you, you should. See up your nose, they can. -Pet a strange Wookie you should not. -If in a lightsaber fight you are, getting your hand chopped off, try not. (If a nickel I had for every time this advice a Jedi ignored, rich I would be. Why it is, that every time into a lightsaber fight someone gets, chopped off someone's hand is? Up with that, what is?) -When walking you are, look down you should, so that trip over small Jedi Masters you do not. -Try drinking more than Kenobi you should not, no matter how many times "Come on, Girlie-Man" he says. -Anger leads to fear. Fear leads to stress. Stress leads to eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's every night. Eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's every night leads to getting fat. And that, no one wants. -Wax on. Wax off. Wait, me that is not. Master Miyagi that is. -Touch my Dolly Parton cd's you should, only if to die you want. -Trouble with a capital "T", those women from Naboo are. -Saying, "A disturbance in the Force, I sense" after someone farts, only funny once, it is. -If sent to kill your former Padawan apprentice who has turned to the Dark Side, slaughtered all the Jedi, and is becoming the most powerful Sith ever, you are, before you leave make sure that really dead he is. ******************** Something there is that told you I have not. Someone who helps me type this blog there is. Hey, two fingers and a thumb I have! Nothing to me the "home row" means! Anyway, written on his own blog a review of some big movie there is. Get me Dolly Parton concert tickets he promised if mention this I did.