Saturday, January 14, 2006

A Powerful Enemy

A devastating defeat our clone troops experienced the other day. Unusual for them, this is. Almost always they win. Trained and bred for fighting they are. Very good at their job they are.

The commander of the batallion and some of the others we summoned to the Council Chamber. For this loss they had to answer. A full explanation we expected from them.

"The enemy was just out-classed us, sir! That army was unstoppable! No one can defeat it! They're tough, vicious, and merciless. Those of us who survived are lucky to have gotten out of there alive," the commander said.

"This mighty army that beat you so badly, who is?"

"Uh, well, our intel agents were able to get a picture of them."

[scroll down you must]

"Ewoks?!! Brought down by dancing teddy bears you were?!"

"You don't understand, sir! They had like sticks, and rocks and stuff!"

"Yeah," a second Clone Trooper piped in, "and they don't fight fair, either! Some of them even bite!"

"But body armor and blasters you have."

"It's useless against them, I'm telling you, useless!" Uncontrollably, one of the Troopers began to sob. To comfort him the others started. Hysterical, he became, "I'm not going back there! You can't send us to fight those monsters again! You can't!"

Know what to make of this I do not.

Comments on "A Powerful Enemy"


Blogger Jason said ... (1:19 AM) : 

I say you point them at chewbacca and tell them that wookies dont fight fair either yet.


Blogger Vegeta said ... (3:01 AM) : 

they were beaten by animals that look like something I bought my daughter when she was younger. Oh yeah these are some tough guys here.


Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said ... (3:12 AM) : 

Ok, then those weren't clones, they were storm troopers. Huge difference in quality, and the weeping gives it away.

My clones could take a bunch of ewoks any day of the week. And their armor can actually repel the hit of a rock or a sharp pointy stick. Storm Trooper armor is what happens when dictators start cutting funding to the basics.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (8:02 AM) : 

Send in a army of yodas, to defeat your enemy you have to " get down to his level".



Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (9:23 AM) : 

Ewoks, why'd it have to be Ewoks?

At least they weren't beaten on that planet whose primary inhabitants resemble stuffed bunny wabbits or kitty cats.


Anonymous Jaina Solo said ... (4:37 PM) : 

My mum likes Ewoks. They helped her and my dad once in battle.


Anonymous Judith said ... (6:14 PM) : 

Listen, if you just called before showing up they might have given you a friendlier welcome.


Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (6:47 PM) : 

In my experience, the natural enemy of Teddy Bears is a large dog. I had a sheep dog when I was a child and she tore through my stuffed bear with great gusto, ripping it to shreds in no time at all. Now if you have no problem with genocide, that might be the way to go.

A more humane response might be to mollify them. They seem like simple sorts. Perhaps Yo-Yos or candy bars might keep them amused while you do whatever it is you have to do.


Blogger Revan said ... (7:03 PM) : 

Why don't you just make jedi clones? simple as that. Make 500 Kenobi clones and before there born, alter there genes to make them hate cheetos and beer and love to kill Cis. I continue to wonder why the republic depends on you idiots...


Blogger Anakin Skywalker said ... (10:41 PM) : 

They look so sizoft an pokable an spit.


Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said ... (7:31 PM) : 

Hey Ewoks are tough. I mean fast, uhhh i mean sneaky. (run from room crying)


Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said ... (7:37 PM) : 

Okay I better now (wipes his red eyes). They came out of nowhere. They had the battle tactics of a young Kenobi, the streght of a wookie and ... and ...( runs sobbing from the room again)


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