|Today, an email from Chewbacca I received. On TV he was going to be, it said. Actually, more like, "Mworrrrrrr!! Wuarrrr! Mwar?" it was. Fortunately, fluent in Wookiee I am.|
Anyway, very excited he was, so to tune in I agreed. Unfortunately, this Doofus I saw:
"Hi. I'm Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter, and today I'm in a really dangerous place called Kashyyyk! I'm here because I'm going to pull some actual hair from an actual Wookiee! Why? Because it's really stupid and I've got oatmeal for brains!
"These beautiful creatures can grow to be over 7 feet tall! But don't let their good looks fool ya! One of these beauties could easily tear a man's arm right off! If you see a Wookiee, don't go near it - unless you're an overrated zookeeper desperate for attention, like me!
"Crikey! There's a Wookiee right over there! What a beauty! It looks like he's performing the Wookiee resting ritual called 'chillin'. This is the perfect time for me to go up and grab a big old handful of his hair!
"Blimey! What a smell! This big fella really stinks a lot! I've never smelled anything so bad!
"Well, no time like the present! I'll just reach over and grab me a handful of this beastie's hair!
"It just so happens it's Bring Your Baby to Your Insanely Dangerous Job Day! I think the little fella is almost as excited as I am! Well, here goes!
"AAAAAHHH!!! Crikey! Me arm! That's not gonna grow back! AAAAHHH!!! Me face! AAAAHH!!! Blimey he bites hard! OWW!! Crikey, it hurts!! It's a good thing the baby got away! I never knew he could crawl so fast! AAAAAAHHHH!!!!..."
Entertaining this turned out to be. Of course, excited to be on TV, Chewie was. After the show, me he called. Wondering if maybe he could turn himself into a celebrity because of this, he was. "Mwarrrr oowarrr Omarosa, ruaarrrrr!" he said.
Know I do not, Chewie. Much meaner than that, Omarosa was. Next time, more brutal you will have to be.