The Life That Would Be

So happy I am! A letter with Ed McMahon's picture on the envelope I just received! It turns out, already a winner I may be! Good news this is! Use a million credits I could. Expensive, Bob the Bantha's medical and psychological bills are. Retire from the Order I could. Spend my days on a nice beach somewhere, I could. Have to see Kenobi walk around the house in his tighty-whities scratching himself anymore I would not. No more spontaneous wrestling moves would I have to put up with. No more explaining Beetle Bailey to him every morning. And worry about Young Skywalker borrowing my speeder then leaving mysterious stains in it, I would not have to. Need to listen to him "keepin it real" with his gangsta slang, I would not. Share the bathroom with his vast array of hair accoutrements I would not need to. No more finding his Spider-man Underoos on the bathroom floor. And have to listen to Windu talk for hours at a time about how pretty he is, I would not. Never have to answer the question, "Does this make my butt look big?" anymore would I. No need to listen to his lectures about proper skin moisturization would there be. Yes... sniff. Put up with that stuff anymore I would not have to... Sniff ... Yes, pretty nice that would be... Maybe retire right away I would not. Yes, unfair to the Council that would be. Stay on for a while to train my replacement I would need to. Yes, take years that could. Shut up, Young Skywalker! Crying I am not! Something in my eye there is!