Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Easy Being Green It Is Not

Easy being green it is not. If still I remain for too long, try to water me or move me next to a window someone will. Of course, at them I yell. Then say something like, "Eeek! A talking house plant!" they will.

And tired I am of telling people that worried about them taking my Lucky Charms, I am not. A pot of gold I have not! Hear that do you? Besides, even look Irish to you, do I?

Told this to Steve Spider, Licensed Therapist, I have. He said that other patients who have the same problem he has. So a support group he started. Every Tuesday we meet. Lately, pretty low attendance has been:

A waste of time these things are. Know why I go to them I do not. Besides, first I always have to go.

"Hello, Yoda my name is, and green I am."

"Hi, Yoda."

About the plant thing and the Lucky Charms I told the group. Very sympathetic they were. Then the next person's turn it was.

"Hey ho, Kermit THE Frog here, and uh, I'm green."

"Hi, Kermit."

"Kermit," Steve said, "How have things been going for you lately?"

"Oh, you know, I don't like to complain."

"What did we say last week, Kermit, ol' buddy? You got the right to express your feelings. Go ahead."

"Well, lately, I've been feeling a little down. I feel like I'm being manipulated, like I'm being controlled by someone else. That sounds kind of silly, I guess."

"No," I said, "what you mean I understand."

"Gosh, you mean you feel the same way?"

"Lately I have not. But that way I used to feel all the time. Like controlling my movements someone else's hand was..."

"Yeah," Kermit said,"like someone had their hand stuck up your-"

"Say, Hulk, buddy," Steve interrupted, "You been sittin there the past several weeks and you haven't said anything. Don't ya think it's time for you to open up, there, pally?"

"Hulk not comfortable sharing Hulk's feelings in front of puny frog and puny green monkey. Hulk not ready to step outside of Hulk's comfort zone."

"I think it would do ya some good, there Champ. Besides, there's nobody here who's gonna judge you. Ain't that right, boys?"

In agreement, Kermit and I nodded.

"OK," Hulk said as up he stood, "Hello, Hulk's name is Hulk, and Hulk SMASH!"

"Hold on there, Big Guy," Steve told him, "That's supposed to be 'Hello, my name is Hulk, and I'm green.' Go ahead, try it again."

"Hulk sorry. So many words! So hard for Hulk to remember!"

"It's OK, Sport. You can do it."

"Hello, Hulk's name is Hulk, and Hulk is green."

"Hi, Hulk," together we said.

"Sometimes, Hulk feels like no one listens to Hulk. Sometimes, Hulk needs to be validated. But people ignore Hulk when Hulk talks! All Hulk wants from some puny humans is a little attention, but they don't give it to Hulk!"

Steve interrupted, "And how does that make you feel, Big Guy?"

"It makes Hulk mad! Hulk want to smash! But then the Denny's manager comes out says, 'Oh no, Hulk, you can't smash or else Hulk will have to leave and Hulk will not get his Grand Slam'! And Hulk gets even madder, because Hulk ordered Hulk's Grand Slam forty minutes ago and the waitress lady still hasn't brought it to Hulk! But all Hulk wants is a refill on Hulk's coffee while Hulk waits, but puny waitress lady hasn't come to Hulk's table for a long time even though she's looked right at Hulk a bunch of times and Hulk knows she knows Hulk's cup is empty! So then Hulk counts to ten and tries to find Hulk's happy place, like puny Spider doctor tells Hulk. But Hulk is still mad and Hulk still wants to smash!"

"Very good, Hulk..."

"Wait, puny Spider doctor! Hulk still needs to vent! It's even more frustratinger for Hulk because Hulk can only speak in the third person, and that even starts to annoy Hulk! Plus Hulk can only wear a pair of pants one time and then Hulk has to go buy a new pair because the old ones are ripped or stretched out! It all makes Hulk mad! Hulk wants to smash!"

"Well," Steve said, "just make sure you use our special 'Smashing Pillow', alright there, Bud? I mean, this room is rented, know what I'm sayin' here?"

See? A big waste of time it is. But cookies and punch we get at the end. So worth it is.

Comments on "Easy Being Green It Is Not"


Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said ... (1:17 AM) : 

It could be worse, you could be puce instead of green. Or cheeto orange, that would be really bad, given your current living situation


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (7:54 AM) : 

Where does Hulk carry his wallet to pay for the Grand Slam?


Blogger jedisiri said ... (8:08 AM) : 

You three are sooooo lovely together!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:23 AM) : 


Im impressed.

An Kermit havin the feelin that sombody's got a hand in his "Ahhemm" movments, could explain why he is always feelin FROGGY


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (10:07 AM) : 


About those Denny's places, I sympathize with you buddy.

Next time take your other green friends. Yoda can use the force while kermit distracts them with his tap dance.


Blogger Vegeta said ... (10:20 AM) : 

Yes the hulk can cout to 10 like this 1, 3 ,75 Wher was Hulk? 10!!!!! Smash!!!!!!!


Blogger Wedge Antillies said ... (10:34 AM) : 

At least teh Hulk and you, Mr. Yoda, have something in common: the Grand Slam. Did you not say that you liked them too? Maybe the whole group should go out for breakfast together. You know, Green Solidarity.


Blogger flu said ... (10:41 AM) : 

Hulk should which to the rooty-tooty.

It would make Hulk happy.


Blogger Master Yoda said ... (10:49 AM) : 

Wedge Antillies,

A long time ago that post was.
The "Thanks For Paying Attention Award" you get.


Blogger Korkuss said ... (2:14 PM) : 

Well, I think is a good think this whole therapy group, besides it'd be worst, you'd be pink, or some other werid colour, like Master Windu's lightsaber


Blogger Jason said ... (2:42 PM) : 

just be glad windu doesnt bring in that richard simmons guy tryin to convince you guys to believe in your green prettyness...*shudders*

hey ya'll could use him as the smashing pillow and the force wedgie target practise dummy.


Blogger Obi-Wan Kenobi said ... (3:34 PM) : 

Don't be ashamed to admit you're a leprechaun. My friend once met one and he tol' me it was mighty nice.


Anonymous Jaina Solo said ... (4:42 PM) : 

Hey Yoda? I know it must be annoying being green and all but have you not had an evil Sith Lord to defeat in a while or something? Cause I havent seen any lightsaber duels recently.
*smiley smiley*


Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said ... (5:47 PM) : 

Do you have a Dolly Parton addiction support group that you go to as well?

Maybe you should get Kenobi into a cheetoaholic support group, might help.


Blogger Mr. Sprok said ... (5:50 PM) : 

Try bleeding green sometime.


Blogger Private Hudson said ... (6:48 PM) : 

Yoda, I understand what it's like, I'm green too. At least, my Colonial Marine-issued utilities are.


Blogger Revan said ... (7:21 PM) : 

Keep up the good work!


Blogger Jedi Katt said ... (9:54 PM) : 

Green walking plant? Eh...


Blogger Jedi Katt said ... (9:58 PM) : 

Uh- forgot... Question:
When is your birthday?


Blogger Nic said ... (11:56 PM) : 

Why Obi, I didn't know you knew how to spell such big words like ashamed and leprechaun. You been taking classes lately?


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