Sunday, November 06, 2005

Bob the Bantha

Win Survivor Tatooine I did not. Disappointed am I, you ask? For fourteen weeks, surrounded by doofuses I was. Eat bugs, live inside a sandworm carcass, live with Dooku though allowed to smite him down I was not, and do That Which Speak of Ever Again We Whall Not, I had to. Disappointed am I? Disappointed am I?!! Think, what do you? Hmm?

Win any consolation prizes did I? Yes, a T-shirt they gave me. "Survivor Marquesas Tatoine" it said on it. It looked like a marker someone took and through the word "Marquesas" they marked through. And then, "Tatoine" they wrote. Even spell "Tatooine" right they did not. JJ said a good deal they got on the shirts. Surprised I am not.

One other "consolation prize" I got. Bob the Bantha its name is. Actually, a prize he is not. This bantha the show's producers dumped on me. A blind bantha with a gas problem it is. If the word "pickle" you say, make the most toxic, stinkiest "windy" that ever smelled you have, it will. Related to his nervous problem, it is. Yes, an anxiety problem this bantha has. If to ride him you try, buck you off and run away (most likely into something) he will. If read how Bob and I met you have not, read it you must.

Left it on Tatooine I would have, but bonded with me it has. That its mother or something I am, it thinks. Stopped following me around, Bob would not.

But have any place for a bantha I do not! So a bunch of straw I laid down in a good secluded spot in the Temple parking garage. Actually, Windu's parking spot it was. Inconvenience Windu this will. But a sacrifice I am willing to make, that is. Yes, messy it would get. But what Younglings are for, that is. Also, a hundred pounds of Purina Brand Bantha Chow, I bought. Go through Bantha Chow like going out of style it is, Bob can. A nice big blanket I put down for him, and plenty of water I made sure he had. All comfy and set for the night he was, so up to my room I went so that finally get a good night's sleep I could.

So tired I was. Quickly off to sleep I drifted. About Dolly I started dreaming again.

"Dolly, get so matted and mangy, when did your hair? Sniff Sniff Smell like a bantha, why do you?"

My eyes I opened. Laying right up against me, Bob was. How the elevator Bob figured out or even fit in, especially since blind he is, I know not. Even know how fit through my door he had, I did not. But somehow up to my room he had made it. Unbearable this was, going to sleep in my room he was not! So to get him out I tried. Pushing him I tried. Pulling him I tried. Pleading with him I tried. Luring him out with Scooby Snacks I tried. Budge he would not!

Suddenly, Windu I heard from just outside my room say, "Hey, Yoda. I keep forgetting what's in that concoction you make us drink. Let's see, there's juiced turnips, womprat liver, hotsauce, and... oh I remember now! It's that juice you find in a jar of..."

Like one of those slow-motion re-enactments it was. "Nooooooooo!" I yelled out. Too late it was. Already out of Windu's mouth, the word "pickles" came.

"Wuaaarrrrr!!!!" Phlllllllbbbbbbtt!

When consciousness I regained, see I could that melted off the walls, all of my wallpaper had.

Coughing, Windu was, "Oh my *cough* god! I think I just saw my *cough* life flash before my eyes (and my head looked awfully good). And what has this done to my skin?! My beautiful skin! Aw man, now I have to burn my clothes and take a shower with a Brillo pad."

He thinks that rough he has it! Approve my room for use again, the Hazmat team will not. They say another month they might need.

In spite of all this, to the vet I took Bob. To have him checked out I wanted. Also to get him "fixed" I wanted. It turns out, already fixed, Bob is. Hmm, know that Bob is bobbed, I did not. Bad news is, Prozac the doctor prescribed Bob for his nerves. Mash it up in his food I must. The good news is, if enough Prozac I give Bob, let himself be ridden he will. So now, rides to the younglings of tourists who visit the Jedi Temple, I offer. Only four credits a ride it is. Hey, pay for the Prozac and Bantha Chow somehow I have to.

So now, a blind, farty, anxious bantha on Prozac I have. And lay down beside him at night until asleep he falls, I have to. Like being a pet-owner I do not!

Comments on "Bob the Bantha"


Anonymous Joel said ... (3:40 AM) : Master Yoda, the excellent webcomic Slow Wave has recently published pictures of you in your underwear! Is it really true that not even a wise and powerful Jedi master like you can't fight the dark side without any pants?


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (3:44 AM) : 

Ooops, sorry for the typo, Master Yoda! The second "can't" is supposed to be a "can". Sorry!


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (4:33 AM) : 

I've been past the Purina Brand Bantha Chow plant in Decatur. Man, does that place smell.


Blogger jedisiri said ... (4:59 AM) : 

i KNOW it! this green little jedi master has some secret dreams...*giggle*


Anonymous wedge antilies said ... (10:41 AM) : 

At least you get to have a pet! My mom wouldn't let me even keep a miniature womprat in a cage! And now, living in the barracks, I certainly don't have the room. I am happy that you are taking good care of it. So, where is WIndu parking his speeder these days?


Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said ... (11:38 AM) : 

Good thing I own the Purina bantha chow company. I'll make a fortune off of the temple now.

BTW, if you want to come and take Dooku off my hands, I would apprecitate it. Maybe you two could share a room at the Coruscant Marriott?


Blogger Ben O. said ... (1:42 PM) : 

Dude - I totally love the word "Bantha". Gotta use it in a sentence today.

Later - Ben O.


Blogger Master Yoda said ... (2:35 PM) : 


Love to 'take Dooku off your hands' I would - permanently, if my drift you get.


Blogger Obi-Wan Kenobi said ... (7:43 PM) : 

Can he sleep in my room? I'll read 'im bedtimes stories ev'ry night an tuck im in.


Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (7:47 PM) : 

Don't worry Yoda, I'm sure you'll get them next year! Unless of course you are living in exile in a swamp somewhere.


Blogger Jason said ... (8:12 PM) : 

OMG LOL! I almost fell off my chair at that one Yoda :)

but one comment for Windu...

Won't using a brillo pad in the shower PERMANENTLY RUIN your pretty skin? your head will have a permanent scuff mark and it'll never shine again! Don't do it man! I need something to reflect the flashlight beam off of when I get bored *innocent whistle*



Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:47 AM) : 

Master Yoda,

I think you should stop feeding your bantha BAKED BEANS!


Blogger Nic said ... (10:32 PM) : 

Just think of it as another way to get the younglings to obey you just a little quicker. A "subtle" incentive, so to speak.

A truly great post! :)


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