Monday, October 31, 2005

New Health Insurance for the Order

Fill out a questionnaire for the new health insurance policy the Order has, I had to. A lot of stupid questions it had:

Q: Do you smoke?
A: Know the answer to this I do not. Ever been on fire I have not.

Q: How much do you drink on a daily basis?
A: Not as much as like to I would.

Q: How often do you exercise? What kinds of exercise(s) do you do?
A: Daily. "Smitin' to the Oldies" I call it, especially since the new Ipod I got.

Other specialized questions for Jedi it had.
How many bags of Cheetos do you have a day?
Do you still have all of your limbs?
Have you had any family history of turning to the Dark Side?

Also, a physical exam I had to take. Want to take this physical exam I did not. A chance to study for it I had not. On the exam table in the Temple Infirmary I was when close the medical droid came. A little tool that looked like a hammer, he had.

"Ow! Doofus!" I said. Then with my cane I whacked him.

"Oh my! I'm sorry, Master Yoda. I was merely tapping your knee to test your reflexes."

"So how fast were my reflexes? Come here and try that again you should. Maybe faster this time, my 'reflexes' will be."

"No, that's quite alright. Your, uh, reflexes seem fast enough."

Then this popcycle stick he stuck in my mouth. With it he pressed down my tongue. "Alright, Master Yoda, open wide and say, 'ah'."

"Ahhhhh... *gag*... ahhhh... *gag**choke*"

"Wider. Wider. A little wider. Oh my. Oh, dear God. Oh that's awful. I... I don't know what to think. I'm stunned."

"*Gag*... Wha?!... *Choke*... Wha is it?!"

"Your breath! It has to be the worst I've ever detected!"

"Oh, be that bad it can not."

"I'm afraid so. My olfactory circuits are melted and will have to be replaced now. You haven't been flossing with roadkill have you?"

"Pass the exam do I, or not?"

"Yes. You match all the ideal statistics... for a corpse, post-rigor mortis of course."

Get a medical droid with less of an attitude we must.

Comments on "New Health Insurance for the Order"

 

Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (6:16 AM) : 

A popcicle stick without a popcicle would depress anyone's toungue.

 

Blogger jedisiri said ... (9:09 AM) : 

oh you got the ipod nano?you are sooooo trendy,master yoda.*nod*

 

Blogger Anakin Skywalker said ... (9:35 AM) : 

Why we gotta be changin insurance cizarriers anyways? Our old one only made me pay a 5 credit copay when I got my arm all put on an spit.

 

Anonymous wedge antilies said ... (10:19 AM) : 

Insurance! Don't get me started! You would not believe what I pay for insurance on my speeder, and that is just basic coverage. My agent said it is because I am an X-wing pilot, so I am in a "special catagory". I admitted that I had a couple of citations for eratic driving, but hey, I did help save the whole darn Republic once. That should count for some type of discount, shouldn't it?

 

Blogger JawaJuice said ... (10:46 AM) : 

Yoda, you make a lot of mention about smiting yet when was the last time you actually smited some dark lord or evil doer? I don’t recall a single smite in your posts.

 

Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said ... (11:32 AM) : 

Those Force Wedgies are, like, full of smite, man.
JJ, I just, like, hope that you never have to experience one, man.
And I'm going to get one for saying that, like, aren't I?
QGJ

 

Blogger flu said ... (12:28 PM) : 

Thanks for not sharing the details of the colonoscopy portion of the exam with us, Master Yoda.

 

Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (3:26 PM) : 

It sounds like the holographic doctor we have had to have installed.

 

Blogger Master Yoda said ... (3:59 PM) : 

JawaJuice,

Like to bring my work home with me I do not.

 

Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (7:15 PM) : 

That first question reminds me of a joke.

What do fish smoke?

Sea weed.

 

Anonymous California Health Insurance said ... (9:40 PM) : 

Those can be some great questions to ask yourself before receiving health insurance quotes.

 

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