Sunday, October 23, 2005

Shop She Can, But Cook She Can Not

Invited Kenobi, Young Harvey the Padawan, and me to her apartment for dinner, Senator Amidala had. Unfortunately, to cook dinner herself, she decided. Saying that bad her cooking is, I am not. But once, a CARE package filled with cookies she baked herself, she sent to some starving refugees. Sent back to her the package was, along with a threatening letter signed by the refugees.

But edible her cooking is - the same way that edible, dirt, concrete, and styrofoam are. Only taste as good as dirt, concrete, or styrofoam it does not. So looking forward to this we were not. Still, turn down an invitation from a Senator you do not. And want to hurt her feelings we did not. So we decided that choke down the slop she would cook, we would.

Excited about this, Harvey was not. "Aw, but Master Yoda, do I hafta go? I don't want to."

"Yes, Harvey," I said, "Go you must. Polite you will be. Eat everything on your plate you will. Complain you will not."

"But I don't like her cookin'."

"Her cooking, no one likes. But see me or Master Kenobi making a big fuss you do not, do you?"

"But I heard Master Kenobi say some bad words when you told him we were going."

Keep Kenobi away from the Younglings I really, really must.

"Look, if through this night you get, count it as one of the Jedi Trials for you we will. Have to go through so many of the Trials to become a Knight when older you are, you will not. Ahead of everyone in your class you will be! Sound, how that does?"

"OK, I guess." Still, enthusiastic he was not.

When at the senator's apartment we arrived, there too Chewbacca was. Apparently, invited him as well, she had. Glad to see him, I was. Company, misery loves.

The first course she started. An unidentifiable yellow and green mess she brought out. Spinach Casserole she said it was. Take her word for it I would have to.

Harvey chimed in, "Hey, I remember seeing this on Fear Factor!"

"No, Harvey. Shhh," I said, "The same it is not. Eat it now, and quiet you should be."

Soon, Senator Amidala left so that check on the next course she could.

"Harvey, stop playing with your food you must. Hurt, Senator Amidala's feelings will be if clean our plates we do not. See, eating his food Master Kenobi...Kenobi!"

Trying to hide his food in the folds of his robe, Kenobi was.

"Kenobi, stop that! A bad example for Harvey you are setting!"

"I don't see you eatin' none of it," he said.

True that was. Tried it yet I had not.

"OK, look both of you. Show you I will that so bad it is not. Eat it I will. See?" A bite I took.

"Master Yoda," Harvey said, "why does your face look like that?".

"Quick, to Chewbacca feed your casserole," I said. Fortunately, sitting under the table, Chewie had been. All the food we gave him, he wolfed down. Then our plates he licked clean.

The next course, the senator brought out.

"Well now," Kenobi said, "that meatloaf looks mighty fine."

Annoyed, Senator Amidala seemed. "Like, that is so not a meatloaf. That's totally a glazed ham. Like, eat up!" Again she left to check on something else.

Over to me Kenobi leaned. "I ain't eatin' no brown ham."

"Worry do not," I said, "Feed it to Chewie we... uh-oh."

Doubled-over on the floor in the corner, moaning in pain, Chewbacca was.

"Master Yoda," Harvey said, "I'm think I'm gonna be sick. If I hafta eat that, I know I'm gonna hurl."

"Kenobi," I said, "the fire alarm on the wall by you that is?"


"Pull it!"

The alarm rang, and from the sprinklers water started pouring.

Out from the kitchen, the senator came. "What happened?!"

"Somewhere in the building, a fire is! Get out now, we must!"

"Oh, dinner's ruined!" the Senator said.

"You got that right... uh, I mean yeah, it's a real shame," Kenobi said.

"A total disaster it is not," I said, "Coupons for Taco Bell I have." After almost having to eat Senator Amidala's cooking, more than ready to make a run for the border I was.

Comments on "Shop She Can, But Cook She Can Not"


Anonymous A random civilian said ... (7:43 AM) : 

Does she cook for Anakin? And did you just leave Chewbacca behind?


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (8:03 AM) : 

Poor Chewie. How does he fit under the table, anyway? Must be a pretty big table...


Blogger jedisiri said ... (8:35 AM) : 

how can ani stand it for so long?


Blogger Captain Typho said ... (10:06 AM) : 

Padme is going to ream you royally when she sees this. You know that, right?


Anonymous wedge antilies said ... (10:34 AM) : 

I noticed that Anikin was not there. Did he have some 'urgent business' to attend to? Do remember, Master Yoda, that Amidala is only a senator now, not the queen. Maybe you should go 'brown nose' the Trade Federation delegates instead. They probably have their dinners catered.


Blogger JawaJuice said ... (10:36 AM) : 

Oh I don't know....sounds kinda tasty to me...but then again, jawa's aren't known for their cuisine.

(Oh, and great picture too!)


Blogger Jen said ... (1:14 PM) : 

Quick thinking! I'll have to remember that when certain relatives invite us over...


Blogger Jason said ... (2:06 PM) : 

*falls off his chair laughing* oh gods Master Yoda, that was too funny. I think you should make chewbacca an honoury Jedi for having to endure such a torture. Maybe buy Padme some cooking lessons for xmas?


Blogger Ruby-Flame said ... (3:35 PM) : 

A classic picture, Master Yoda. Hope you found things all right at Taco Bell. ;)


Blogger flu said ... (5:52 PM) : 

Gee, Master Yoda, that pic makes it look like something grabbed you by the boo-boos


Blogger Obi-Wan Kenobi said ... (6:30 PM) : 

So that's where the green gunk in mah robes'r from.


Blogger General Grievous said ... (10:13 PM) : 

She sound very much like a certain Count I know... except it's "talk he can, but brew tea he can not" *cough*


Blogger Dormé said ... (12:33 AM) : 

I'm sorry, Master Yoda if M'lady dinner was not to your liking.


Blogger Shannon said ... (8:39 AM) : 

Uh, hello, I didn't even cook that meal - Dorme did! Ya know, I try to be gracious and host dinner parties and discuss important Republic topics and all I get is THIS GRIEF!!! No one listens to me. You all make up stories about me. I am totally not happy about this. {Sniff.}

And maybe the Jedi Council wants to pay for the WATER DAMAGE to my apartment??


Blogger Master Yoda said ... (11:13 AM) : 

Senator Amidala,

Money for the water damage I have not, but some Taco Bell coupons would you like?


Blogger Dormé said ... (12:16 PM) : 


It was Sabe who was cooking, not me.

Besides I'm still on Naboo helping my family and others in need.

If you want check with Captain Typho.


Blogger Nic said ... (4:04 PM) : 

So, after the run for the border did you have to run for the bathroom from the previous "cooking" experience?


Blogger Master Yoda said ... (4:26 PM) : 

Padme, Dorme, Sabe - tell the difference between any of you I can not!

All alike you look to me!


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