Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Because the Way It Is, That Is

Teaching the Younglings about lightsaber dueling, I was.

"And so, Younglings, if the high ground someone gets, won he has. Over the duel is. So running to the top of a little hill, the quickest way to win a duel is."

"But didn't Master Kenobi beat Darth Maul, even though Darth Maul had the high ground?"

"Yes, but different that was."

"Why?"

"Because, on a little hill Darth Maul was not. If standing on a little hill Maul was, stand a chance Kenobi would not."

"Why?"

"Because the high ground Darth Maul would have had, on a little hill."

"But why?"

"Because then higher than Kenobi, Darth Maul would have been, while on a little hill he was."

"But, Master, you've beat lots of people and weren't they all taller than you? Wouldn't that make them higher than you?"

"Yes, but very strong with the Force I am."

"So, you could beat someone who got on top of a little hill?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"The high ground he would have. Been listening have you?"

"But, Master Yoda, why can't the other person just run up the hill, too?"

"Because then get all his limbs chopped off, he would."

"But why?"

"Just the way it is, that is."

"But couldn't the person who has the low ground just Force-throw a boulder or something at the guy on the hill?"

"Work that would not."

"Why?"

"Because the high ground the other guy would have. Over it would be."

"But what about Force-pushing the person off of the hill?"

"No."

"But couldn't -"

"No."

"But, why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because time for recess it is. A headache Master Yoda has."

Comments on "Because the Way It Is, That Is"

 

Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (11:26 PM) : 

Ah kids.

I told Kiera that she needs a bath tonight because she's dirty, she said "No I'm not, I'm cute."

Of course, she doesn't have any Jedi powers as far as I know.

 

Blogger General Grievous said ... (1:19 AM) : 

I'll teach them how to duel! *cough*

 

Anonymous A random civilian said ... (4:31 AM) : 

A wise old man once said, "A child that question the way things are is a dangerous child, for he will grow up and attempt to bring about change to the galaxy. And as we all know... change is bad. It disrupts the delicate balance of things."

But come to think of it, he wasn't all that wise. I believe he was arrested and fined for soliciting his books on public transportation. =/

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (10:09 AM) : 

That was absolutely hilarious.

Or frustrating, depending on your point of view.

I think you will find that Kenobi has at least remembered that particular lesson. perhaps you should teach him the lesson on Make Sure Your Opponent Is Dead So He Can't Return To Kill You.

 

Anonymous Anakin Skywalker (kickin it in the archives) said ... (10:29 AM) : 

Shuh, if sumbody had the high ground all you gotta do is flip over em or whatev an then that otha person'd have the high ground or sumthin.

 

Blogger Master Yoda said ... (10:42 AM) : 

Young Skywalker,

Be sure to try that when next time in that situation you find yourself, why don't you? Then, how it turns out, make sure to let me know.

 

Blogger JawaJuice said ... (11:04 AM) : 

Sounds like Master Yoda wrote the Art of War for Younglings. A very popular book right next to Clifford the giant red dug.

 

Blogger Tahl said ... (11:11 AM) : 

Yes I've always found that lesson useful. My strategy is called "blow up all little hills." that way no one can get on them and declare the duel over.

 

Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said ... (11:19 AM) : 

Now he, like, tells me.
You know, that infomation would have been useful, like, ten years ago. Then, like, maybe yours truly would be standing here, as opposed to, like, floating all translucently.
QGJ

 

Blogger flu said ... (11:49 AM) : 

Golly, Master Yoda, are you losing your edge? Why didn't you say,

"Because said so, I did. Me to ground you, or something, do you want? Simply ask me to pressure wash you, why do you not? Save us from this needless bickering, that would."

That ALWAYS works.

 

Blogger Master Yoda said ... (12:34 PM) : 

Young Starbucker,

Right you are. An off day I must have had.

Like good with Younglings you are, it sounds. Teach some classes at the temple you should.

 

Blogger Jason said ... (2:29 PM) : 

Ahh the mind of a child, the reason that you couldn't say that master yoda was because younglings always put on that high pitched whine when asking,so high pitched that only a trace of it can be heard so it does not sound like whining, also they must have used the dreaded 'eyes of innocence' Those eyes are a force to be reckoned with, not even the dark side can resist them. O_O

 

Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (3:13 PM) : 

How teaching could be improved: eliminate the word 'why?'.

 

Anonymous 2nd Padawan from the Right said ... (5:48 PM) : 

We, the Loyal Padawan, are still pondering this little mitzvah of strategy. Some questions we still ... (shakes head) ... We still have a few questions.

1 - What if we formed a column by standing on each other's shoulders. Would we then hold the high ground? If not, Why?
2 - What if we held the "moral" high ground, does this count for anything? If not, Why?
3 - Could we use the "Inspector Gadget" gambit to "Go-go gadget legs!" thus offsetting any height advantage held by our opponent? If not, Why?
4 - Were our confrontation to occur, say, on a planet comprised of molten lava would this hold any advantage for us? If not, Why?
5 - If we could successfully adminster a "Force Wedgie" to the opponent would this afford any noticable advantage or would the opponent just scream, (ala Master Windu), like a little girl? If not, Why?
6 - Were we to loose our advantage to our opponent on said High Ground and they were to smite us, is it even physically possible for them to cut off 3 limbs in one fell swoop? If so, Why?

Anxiously awaiting your instruction ... Sir!

 

Blogger Master Yoda said ... (10:12 PM) : 

1- No. Because
2- No. Just because.
3- No. Because so I said.
4- No. NO!
5- No. Because said so, I did.
6- Yes. It that is. Grounded you are.

 

Anonymous 2nd Padawan from the Right said ... (10:21 PM) : 

Would that be High Grounded or Low Grounded ... Sir?

 

Blogger Master Yoda said ... (10:29 PM) : 

I know not. Considered which, is tilling my garden with a plastic butter knife?

 

Blogger Haris said ... (4:31 AM) : 

Master Yoda, that was one hilarious post. Though perhaps now I see why the Jedi Order has fallen. Too nousy these younglings are. Do not subscribe to the shut up and listen philosophy they do not. A shame that is. By teh way Master Yoda, have you ever taught a jedi from the ET movie, you know the one of the same species as that maid you had at the temple a while ago back.

 

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