Sunday, October 02, 2005

DMV Blues

Renew my driver's license the other day, I had to. A big hassle that is. Going to the DMV I hate.

Up to the counter I went. "Excuse me, to renew my..."

"Take a red number and sit over there," a lady said.

"Want me to sit where, do you?"

"Over there, right where I'm point... Where are you?"

"Down here I am."

Over the counter the lady leaned and at me she frowned. "Oh. Monkeys aren't allowed to have driver's licenses. Next."

"A monkey I am not! Want a Force-wedgie do you?"

"Alright. Then take a red number. We'll be right with you."

A number I took. 435,852. Use a number more than once they do not, I thought.

Then out the lady shouted. "Next is number 3. Who has number 3?"

What?! A long day this would be. Fortunately, numbers 2,854 through 3,604 no one had. Unfortunately, keep the lady from calling out each of those numbers one-by-one, that did not.

"Number 2,999. Does anyone have number 2,999? I said, 'does anyone have number 2,999?' Last call for 2,999... Number 3,000. Does anyone have number 3000... "


Finally, my number she called. Relieved I was. Sitting for so long I had been that all feeling in my tushy I had lost.

"At last! My license I need to renew..."

"Take these forms and go stand in that line over there." A long, long line she pointed to. See where the line went to, I could not.

A long time in that line I stood. When close to the end I thought I was getting, around another corner it would curve. Getting weak, my legs were. Finally, at the front of the line I was. But, to the same front desk I was at before, it went!

Up to the desk I went. "Excuse me, to renew my driver's license I..."

"Take a blue number and sit over there."

"But over there already I waited..."

"Did you take a red number, or a blue one?"

"A red one I took."

"Then you were waiting for your turn to stand in line."

"For what the line is, then?"

"That's the line to get a blue number. Take a number and sit over there. We'll be with you shortly."

More tushy-numbing sitting. Driving me crazy, it was. Finally, helping me renew my license someone was.

Asking me silly questions, he was.


"Two feet, two inches, I am."


"Thirty-five pounds." (Ok, a little I lied. But thirty-five pounds once, I was.)

"Do you want to be an organ donor?"

"No. Own any musical instruments I do not." A silly question that is. What with your driver's license does that have to do?

"Ok, and I see your birth date is... Oh, uh-oh."


"Everyone over the age of 650 is required to take an on-the-road exam when renewing their license. It's a new law."

Happy about that I was not. But tell you about that tomorrow, I will.

Comments on "DMV Blues"


Anonymous Haris said ... (3:08 AM) : 

Trouble with renewing his license my grandfather had. Lots of smiting that forced him to do. Hope that same fate meets you not.
Check out thses I did, funny I found them
Check them out you should.


Blogger jedisiri said ... (5:34 AM) : 

why are there so many tragedy happening every day?WHY?!


Blogger Jason said ... (11:57 AM) : 

Why not just use the jedi mind trick on him to skip the test, and if that doesnt work force wedgie him into submission....and at worst threaten to slice his car into little tiny pieces with your lightsaber while hes inside.

P.S. If I ever come into power then anyone called Yoda who's short and green will automatically get a full license.


Blogger trinamick said ... (12:40 PM) : 

Just remember to check your mirrors and use your turn signals. Instructors are sticklers for those.


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (12:46 PM) : 

Oh yeah, and try not to drive too slowly with your turn signal on.


Blogger thephoenixnyc said ... (4:37 PM) : 

Okay, that was f-ing hilarious. That is all I have ti say.


Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (6:52 PM) : 

I would have thought a Jedi of your stature would simply have some padawan trainees carry him around on a litter. I know I make all my first year students do that with me.


Blogger Mace Windu said ... (7:41 PM) : 

Oooohhh, can I see your picture?

(I didnt know anyone but Yoda lived over the age of 600.)


Blogger Anakin Skywalker said ... (9:11 PM) : 

Why didntcha mind-whammy 'em? That's what I did, G.


Blogger Dog Vader said ... (9:56 PM) : 

Master Yoda You should've kicked their asses!


Blogger Dinorider d'Andoandor said ... (10:13 PM) : 

A simple jedi mind trick would have been OK


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (2:23 AM) : 

Jeesh... All you people don't get it. This is the DMV we're talking about. Obviously you people haven't been there in a while. Much worse than even the Dark side. Not even a powerful Jedi such as yourself could ever get past the never-blinking eye of the DMV. I suspect Anakin up there uses some less-than-legal means of obtaining his license. Have you seen the way he drives? He told you about the dent he put in it a week or so ago, but I don't think he told you the other issue with it, did he?

But anyway, you'll just have to suffer along with the rest of us, I'm afraid.


Blogger Anakin Skywalker said ... (9:06 PM) : 

Hey! That other thing was... um...

it was like that when I borrowed it, yo.


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