Welcome to Coruscant News Network's Misfire, a program featuring intelligent, informed debate on today's most important issues. And now, our guest commentators.
On the Right, Jedi Master Mace Windu, well-known for his development of both the Form VII discipline of lightsaber combat and revolutionary break-throughs in skin care.
On the Left, Jedi Master Yoda, who has led the Jedi Council for decades and has been a leading figure in the Equal Rights for Tiny People with Pointy Ears movement.
The issue they will be debating on our program tonight:
Should Intelligent Design be taught in public schools?
Mace Windu There is no need to look any farther than my beautiful, perfect, shiny head to know that someone intelligent had to have a hand in its design. This kind of cranial prettiness did not come about by accident. No sir! Now, if everyone's heads looked like Yoda's, well, then our only hope would be that such design was an accident. But with such irrefutable evidence as that which sits on top of my shoulders, one would have to be stupid or evil to doubt the existence of an Intelligent Designer.
Furthermore, it is rediculous to think that any thing as pretty as me could come from some monkey. I challenge anyone to go out into the jungle and find an ape with such a pretty head as I have. It's not out there, man. While chimps are making snacks out of the crawly things they pick out of each other's nappy heads, I'm moisturizing and exfoliating, thereby making the world a better place for anyone fortunate enough to look at me. Is there a gorilla out there who can match that? I say, is there? Didn't think so.
Yoda Windu, you ignorant Hutt. Personally, in a Creator I believe. But as a teacher, support the teaching of Intelligent Design I can not. Why? Because hard to believe that anything like Windu could have been brought about on purpose, it is. If so, a cruel, cruel joke on the Universe, it was.
Been puzzled by this question, many theologians have, "Create someone like Windu, how could a loving Intelligent Designer?" If able to answer that, religious scholars are not, answer that question for younglings, how can a teacher?
As at the beginning I said, in a Creator I personally believe. But as a teacher, support the teaching of Intelligent Design I can not. Otherwise, forced to blame the Designer for Windu a teacher would be.