The Name of My Species (and everything else about my people to know you ever wanted)
|Curious about my species many people are. Often asked I am, "What the heck you are, anyway?" Understand their curiosity I do not. I should think obvious it is.|
However, asked me what I am, many of you readers have as well. So, decided to answer this once and for all I have. Tell you of my species and home planet just this once, I will. After this I tell you, speak of it ever again we shall not.
OK, ready you are? Prepared for the truth are you? Deal with this knowledge you can? See we will.
OK, the name of my species is...
We interrupt this blog post to bring you breaking news live from Galactic Senate Headquarters. And now, Anchor Ber Nardsha.
Ber: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Ber Nardsha with Coruscant News Network. We have just received word that Chancellor Palpatine may have had scrambled eggs for breakfast this morning. I repeat: Chancellor Palpatine may have had scrambled eggs for breakfast this morning. For more on this, we now take you live to Galactic Senate Headquarters where Senate Correspondent Krispeen Armundhammer is standing by. Krispeen?
Krispeen: Yes, good evening, Ber. Late this afternoon unconfirmed reports started filtering into the bureau here in Coruscant that the Chancellor may have consumed a small quantity of scrambled eggs some time in the early morning hours while in his kitchen. So far, we've not been able to confirm these reports, but several sources close to the Chancellor say that they believe that he did in fact ingest some sort of scrambled egg at some point today.
A press conference called by the Chancellor's office is due to start any time now. It is widely believed that this press conference has been called for the purpose of either confirming or denying these reports. Oh, here's the Chancellor now. It looks like the press conference has begun. Let's listen in to what the Chancellor has to say.
Chancellor Palpatine: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I have the following statement to make. After which, I will not be answering any questions at this time. Thank you.
At approximately 6:17 this morning while in the vicinity of my kitchen table, I began the consumption of two scrambled eggs. Said consumption was completed at or around 6:30 am, resulting in only a minor case of gas. The ensuing washing of dishes, silverware, cooking utensils, and one glass was completed at approximately 6:45 am.
There have been preliminary reports in the Press that hot sauce or at least one occurance of turkey bacon may have accompanied the scrambled eggs in question. I can state unequivocally that these reports are absolutely untrue. Let me repeat: there was absolutely no occurance of either hot sauce or turkey bacon in tandem with the scrambled eggs consumed this morning.
That is all I have to say at this time. I will not be answering any questions. Thank you.
Reporter 1: Chancellor! Chancellor! Do you believe this incident will prolong the Clone Wars?
Reporter 2: Chancellor! Will your new preference towards scrambled eggs affect your foreign policy in any way?
Krispeen: And there you have it. The Chancellor has confirmed that he did in fact ingest scrambled eggs this morning for breakfast. I am sure that there will be speculation in the days and weeks to come as to whether the Chancellor plans to expand this "scrambled egg initiative" to include omelettes or even egg salad sandwiches. But all we can confirm for now is that the Chancellor did in fact eat scrambled eggs this morning.
Ber: Krispeen, has there been any word yet on how this might affect the ongoing talks between the Republic and the Cold Cereal Coalition?
Krispeen: Well, Bur, as of 7:45 pm Coruscant Standart Time, the Cold Cereal Coalition had not yet made any official comments on these recent developements. However, sources inside the Coalition have stated they believe their leadership will adopt a "wait-and-see" attitude until it becomes clear whether or not the Chancellor will aggressively pursue this new egg policy, or continue to maintain the status quo in regards to breakfast foods.
Ber: Thank you, Krispeen. That was Krispeen Armundhammer reporting from Galactic Senate Headquarters on Coruscant.
To sum up, and for those of you just joining us, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine has just confirmed that he did indeed ingest scrambled eggs early this morning. We'll be watching this story around the clock in order to bring you continuing coverage as it developes.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog, already in progress.
...So, everything you probably ever wanted to know about my species, that is. Glad to get it off my chest I am. Also glad I am that finally laid to rest, this mystery can be.
Of course, as before I said, never speak of this again we must.