Thursday, September 15, 2005

Back of the Class

Tricked I was! Fooled! Conned! Bamboozled!

"I've enrolled you in a Salsa dance class." Windu said. So excited I was. Finally a chance to improve my Salsa moves, I would have. But to be it was not. Known that Windu would use my love of hot Latin dance against me, I should have.

The first clue that a Salsa class this was not was how the teacher looked. A frumpy old professor-looking man wearing thick eye glasses and a sweater vest, the teacher was. Everyone knows that attractive, all Salsa instructors are. The law it is, I think.

Also, it looked like the only student who didn't need a visa to be on Coruscant, I was.

Then to us, the teacher spoke, "Good evening class, and welcome to Basic English 101."

No!!!!! To get me to take this stupid class, Windu had been trying for months. Tried to tell him I have, that nothing wrong with the way I talk there is. Been talking this way for almost 900 years I have. Maybe something wrong with the way everyone else talks, there is!

Painful this was.

"Repeat after me class," the teacher said, "The rain on Quarain falls mainly in the plane."

"Mainly in the plane the rain on Quarain falls," I repeated.

Like that, the teacher did not. "No, no, no. You've put the adverbial phrase at the beginning of the sentence before the subject, instead of after the verb which it modifies. That confuses the sentence structure entirely and disrupts the rhythm."

"Look, understand a single word you just said I did not. But just repeating what you told us to say I was. Know what your problem is, I do not."

"Fine. Just listen carefully this time and repeat exactly what I say. The rain on Quarain falls mainly in the plane."

"Mainly in the plane the rain on Quarain falls."

"No!"

"What?!"

"Ok, fine. Let's start with something more basic shall we? A simple introduction. 'Hello, my name is...'." Then to me he pointed.

"Know what your name is I do not."

"No, tell me your name. Go ahead. 'Hello, my name is...'."

"Oh. Hello, Yoda my name is."

"No. My name is Yoda."

"Really? A coincidence that is! Never met another person..."

"No! What you should have said is 'My name is Yoda'."

"What I said, that was."

"No, you said, 'Yoda my name is.'"

"Yes. What I said, that was. Want me to make up a name do you? The only name I have, that is."

"Ok, let's try something different. How about a question? 'What is your name?'"

"Already told you my name I have."

"No. Say it."

"Say what?"

"'What is your name?'"

"Already told you I have. Forgotten already have you?"

"No! Ask me."

"Ask you what?"

"What my name is!"

"What, your name is?"

"No!"

"'No', your name is? Your first or last name that is?"

"That's not my name!"

"But what you just said, that was."

"No, you didn't ask me the question properly!"

"Mean what question do you?"

"'What's your name?'"

"Yoda it is! Told you several times now I have. Getting annoying this is."

"No! What's my name?!"

"Supposed to know your name how am I? Tell me you will not!"

For two hours this conversation went on. Pretty sure I am that supposed to last that long, class was not.

Finally, one last question for the rest of the students, the teacher had, "Ok class, all together now, repeat the phrase you learned at the beginning."

In unison the class said, "Mainly on the plane the rain in Quarain falls."

Ever seen a grown man cry like that I have not. Not even Windu. At least not yet. When for tricking me into taking this class Windu pays, maybe a different story it will be.

Comments on "Back of the Class"

 

Anonymous Kel said ... (1:47 AM) : 

I love you blog Yoda. This has to be the best post I have read of yours EVER! :D

 

Anonymous Byron Bay Jedi said ... (3:52 AM) : 

ROFLMAO!!!!! Okay, I agree with Kel, this is definitely one of the BEST!!!!

 

Blogger jedisiri said ... (4:20 AM) : 

ewww...you hurt the professor's little heart,master yoda!

 

Anonymous VxPhobos said ... (6:35 AM) : 

Hi, I am pretty new at blogs and thinsg of this natuer in general. I was on a post board and someone posted a link to this blog and since I have seen it wich was yesterday I could not put it off my mind. I love it and it is inspirational and humorous. That being said I am from Bosnia and Hercegovina and I love the way you talk seeing how English is my second language I was wondering if you could organise a course on how to speak like yourself o great master jedi. Please keep bloging and bringing humor in my ansd the life of all of so manny of us. VxPhobos

 

Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said ... (8:29 AM) : 

Master Yoda, did you use the force on that teacher?

 

Blogger Jason said ... (9:19 AM) : 

I think he used the force on the rest of the class. I pity poor windu though....maybe you should hide his doome polish? or maybe replace it with matt paint so it doesnt shine at all.

 

Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (11:46 AM) : 

OMG this was too funny.

 

Anonymous Superhero Bob said ... (4:44 PM) : 

Funny!

When getting back at Windu, while using the Force is great...don't forget that duct tape works just as well.....

 

Blogger Leia said ... (4:44 PM) : 

Know what his problem is I do not.

 

Blogger Jo Jo The Monkeyboy's Ghost said ... (4:54 PM) : 

Howya doin' Bwauth?

Thankth for entering my little theme song contest, Yodabuddybob.

I think you'll be pleasntly suprised with who the winner is!

 

Blogger Serra said ... (5:32 PM) : 

TOO funny! I'm surprised you didn't just give that old fart a force wedge and be done with it.

 

Blogger Nic said ... (10:19 PM) : 

ROFLMAO! That's so great Master Yoda. Your influence extends to the illiterate just as much as to the Jedi.

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:34 AM) : 

Crying with laughter you had me, Master Yoda. Hilarious indeed you are.

 

Blogger owenlars said ... (2:03 AM) : 

Yeah, real funny you are, Bill...Real funny until you have to reap the whirlwind, Murphy!

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:46 AM) : 

definitely one of your top posts. might i suggest it be made a greatest hit?

 

Blogger Master Yoda said ... (1:58 PM) : 

anonymous -

Thanks for your suggestion. Determined by readers' votes, the current list of Greatest Hits was. Maybe in the future, another vote I will have.

 

Blogger Dinorider d'Andoandor said ... (5:29 AM) : 

lolololol
that was really cool! poor teacher! ha ha ha!
Used the Force on him you should have.

 

Blogger Dinorider d'Andoandor said ... (5:29 AM) : 

lolololol
that was really cool! poor teacher! ha ha ha!
Used the Force on him you should have.

 

Blogger Jedi Katt said ... (1:19 AM) : 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 

Blogger Jedi Katt said ... (1:22 AM) : 

*grin* I don't really think it's an English class... More likely to be a class of practising patience... *lol*

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (8:25 AM) : 

Great post this is!

 

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