Back of the Class
|Tricked I was! Fooled! Conned! Bamboozled! |
"I've enrolled you in a Salsa dance class." Windu said. So excited I was. Finally a chance to improve my Salsa moves, I would have. But to be it was not. Known that Windu would use my love of hot Latin dance against me, I should have.
The first clue that a Salsa class this was not was how the teacher looked. A frumpy old professor-looking man wearing thick eye glasses and a sweater vest, the teacher was. Everyone knows that attractive, all Salsa instructors are. The law it is, I think.
Also, it looked like the only student who didn't need a visa to be on Coruscant, I was.
Then to us, the teacher spoke, "Good evening class, and welcome to Basic English 101."
No!!!!! To get me to take this stupid class, Windu had been trying for months. Tried to tell him I have, that nothing wrong with the way I talk there is. Been talking this way for almost 900 years I have. Maybe something wrong with the way everyone else talks, there is!
Painful this was.
"Repeat after me class," the teacher said, "The rain on Quarain falls mainly in the plane."
"Mainly in the plane the rain on Quarain falls," I repeated.
Like that, the teacher did not. "No, no, no. You've put the adverbial phrase at the beginning of the sentence before the subject, instead of after the verb which it modifies. That confuses the sentence structure entirely and disrupts the rhythm."
"Look, understand a single word you just said I did not. But just repeating what you told us to say I was. Know what your problem is, I do not."
"Fine. Just listen carefully this time and repeat exactly what I say. The rain on Quarain falls mainly in the plane."
"Mainly in the plane the rain on Quarain falls."
"Ok, fine. Let's start with something more basic shall we? A simple introduction. 'Hello, my name is...'." Then to me he pointed.
"Know what your name is I do not."
"No, tell me your name. Go ahead. 'Hello, my name is...'."
"Oh. Hello, Yoda my name is."
"No. My name is Yoda."
"Really? A coincidence that is! Never met another person..."
"No! What you should have said is 'My name is Yoda'."
"What I said, that was."
"No, you said, 'Yoda my name is.'"
"Yes. What I said, that was. Want me to make up a name do you? The only name I have, that is."
"Ok, let's try something different. How about a question? 'What is your name?'"
"Already told you my name I have."
"No. Say it."
"'What is your name?'"
"Already told you I have. Forgotten already have you?"
"No! Ask me."
"Ask you what?"
"What my name is!"
"What, your name is?"
"'No', your name is? Your first or last name that is?"
"That's not my name!"
"But what you just said, that was."
"No, you didn't ask me the question properly!"
"Mean what question do you?"
"'What's your name?'"
"Yoda it is! Told you several times now I have. Getting annoying this is."
"No! What's my name?!"
"Supposed to know your name how am I? Tell me you will not!"
For two hours this conversation went on. Pretty sure I am that supposed to last that long, class was not.
Finally, one last question for the rest of the students, the teacher had, "Ok class, all together now, repeat the phrase you learned at the beginning."
In unison the class said, "Mainly on the plane the rain in Quarain falls."
Ever seen a grown man cry like that I have not. Not even Windu. At least not yet. When for tricking me into taking this class Windu pays, maybe a different story it will be.