|Pay for tricking me into taking that basic English class, Windu had to. Let him get away with it, I could not. A dangerous precedent that would set.|
Still handle this like the mature, dignified Jedi Master I am, I had to. So into his room I snuck and his head shining cream I replaced with Novicane.
Pretty soon, running down the halls and screaming like a little girl he was, yelling, "I can't feel my head, my pretty shiny head!"
"Calm down, Windu. I..."
"Calm down? Calm down? You don't understand, man! I've lost all communication with my beautiful cranium! It's stranded there. Tell me the truth man, is I my head is still there?"
"Of course, still there, your head is. Worrying about nothing you are."
"Then it's the Naboosian Fever-Flu!...Or a brain tumor! Oh my Force, I have a brain tumor! How could this happen to me? Why? Oh God, why? Get it out! Get it out! I'm too pretty to die!"
Listen the doofus would not. Trying to help him I was. Still, all the way to the Temple infirmary, I followed him.
The first time I ever heard a medical droid sigh, it was. "Yes, Master Windu, what seems to be the problem this time? An enlarged prostate? Legionnaire's Disease? I've told you already that it's quite impossible for you to have ovarian cysts. You don't even have ovaries, you know."
"This is serious, Man. I can't feel my head! Tell me the truth, doc. It's a tumor, isn't it? How long do I have? You can tell me, man."
"I'm sure it's not a tumor, Master Windu. Now, if you would kindly..."
"Are you sure? Because I read on the Internet..."
"I thought we agreed you wouldn't look up possible diseases on the Internet any longer, Master Windu. Any way, we'll run some tests to try to determine the problem, ok?" the droid said as slipping on some rubber gloves he was, "Now, bend over, please."
Know that medical droids had such long arms, I did not. Howling in agony the whole time, Windu was. "Oh God, it hurts!"
"Well, your tonsils seem to be alright," the droid said as, uh, pulling out it was.
Next, a long battery of painful and humiliating tests the droid subjected Windu to. Gauging how Windu's body responed to high-volatage electrical currents, many of the tests involved. I guess that mention the Novicane at some point, I could have. But like to interrupt someone who is working I do not.
Finally, done the droid was. "Well, Master Windu I've decided to write you a perscription for a very powerful medication called Oxy Moron. You'll need to take it three times a day after meals. I should tell you about the side-effects, though - shakiness, night sweats, hallucinations, uncontrollable bladder, socially debilitating halitosis, possible heart attack, severe acne, possible blindness, constant drooling, warts, hemorroids, swollen hands, and rampant body odor. And, of course, it's highly addictive, so you'll need to check into a rehab program if you ever want to come of the medication."
"But it will cure me so I can feel my head again?"
"Why would you expect it to do that?"
A twinge of guilt about this I thought I felt for a second. But, fortunately, just indigestion it was.