Saturday, September 24, 2005

Guest Poster: Mace Windu [Topic: Enough Is Enough!]

I just want to go on record to say I hate Force-wedgies! Enough is enough, man! I mean, come on! How much more of my dignity do I have to surrender for this?

That's one of the reasons I started going commando in the first place, because I thought it would help me avoid Force-wedgies. Yeah, I did it mainly for the manly freedom that you can only feel by shedding the shackles of oppression, or as you people call them, undergarments. And I've been freer than free since I made that bold move, my man. But Yoda's ruining it!

I mean, I'll be just walking along, swinging free and proud, whistling the chorus to one of the numbers in "My Fair Lady", reveling in my own prettiness, occasionally touching my face to enjoy the soft silkiness of my fully-moisturized skin - you know, walking on sunshine. Then all of the sudden I'll get this painful sensation of Fruit of the Looms being forced into places it doesn't belong. Do you have any idea how freaky that is when you know you're not wearing any underwear? I mean, do you?

What makes it worse, I'll hear Yoda in the shadows snickering in that annoying little voice of his. You would think after the first 500 times, it would stop being so funny! Not for Yoda, though. It's like those god-awful knock-knock jokes he's told 1000 times. No one laughs when he tells them, but that doesn't matter to him. He cracks himself up every time he tells one of them. "Hee hee hee hee. Oh. Too funny that is. Go pee now I must."

And how am I supposed to maintain my prettiness when my face is all scrunched up in wedgie pain? For God's sake, man, that causes wrinkles! Every time I get one of Yoda's Force-wedgies, I have to step up my already-heavy moisturization and exfoliation regime. That little man does not appreciate how much effort it takes to keep up this level of manly beauty.

I tell you, man, I am about to go crazy! How much of this am I supposed to take?

Anyway, Yoda will be back to talk to you people tomorrow after he gets back from getting his clogs tricked, or whatever this sticky note says.

Comments on "Guest Poster: Mace Windu [Topic: Enough Is Enough!]"


Blogger jedisiri said ... (1:56 AM) : 

occasionally touching my face to enjoy the soft silkiness of my fully-moisturized skin
*wide eyes*oh i am sorry but i'm really sick now...


Anonymous VxPhobos said ... (3:04 AM) : 

Man, I fully understand your pain. just think that someone so beautifull is forced to suffer so, it is bound to be a crome agains humanity, call the Hauge, you know in the Netherlands, the International Criminal Court, they ought to deal with this.


Blogger Jason said ... (10:10 AM) : 

Heh, a lot of women find wrinkles attractive windu, so do a lot of guys if you play for that team...which you post seems to indicate...*snickers like yoda* "Hee hee hee hee. Oh. Too funny that is. Go pee now I must."


Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said ... (11:49 AM) : 

Master Windu...Have you been introduced to the 'atomic' force wedgie? I'm not sure that Master Yoda has achieved this level of force power. Perhaps you and I should discuss the dark side a little more?


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (1:17 PM) : 

It sounds like you need to be wearing steel boxers for a while.


Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said ... (2:51 PM) : 

Oh wow, man,
Those Atomic Force Wedgies are, like, the worst. Dooks gave me one after he started playing for the other team, you know, Palps Dark Side Maulers.
Down with Nukes and all that atomic stuff, man!


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (2:52 PM) : 

Steel boxers?!? Oh, God no, Picard. Don't you realize that would be so much worse?


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (3:52 PM) : 

Going Commando isn't a training maneauver? I thought ... well, never mind what I thought Master Windu. BTW - Some of the other Padawans have ask me to tell you that whistling the chorus to one of the numbers in "My Fair Lady" is all well and good, but the fouétte spins in the causeway are just creeping them out ... Sir.


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (5:57 PM) : 

He's a good boy, wears his undies
wears his thong and his bikini too
He's a good boy crazy about briefs
Loves boxers and his t-back too

Now he's free, free ballin'
Yeah he's free, free ballin'

I think it needs work.


Blogger JawaJuice said ... (7:42 PM) : 

I like it, Jon!


Blogger JawaJuice said ... (7:57 PM) : 

ooo! ooo! Here's another verse:

I wanna glide down over Mustafur
I wanna write my name in the snow
I wanna free ball out into nothing
Gonna give these Jedi a show

and he's ballin'...


Blogger Jo Jo The Monkeyboy's Ghost said ... (9:11 PM) : 

Howya doin' bwauth?

I don't wear underpants, either.


Blogger Master Yoda said ... (10:19 PM) : 

Jon and JJ,

Make Tom Petty proud, you would.


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