I just want to go on record to say I hate Force-wedgies! Enough is enough, man! I mean, come on! How much more of my dignity do I have to surrender for this?
That's one of the reasons I started going commando in the first place, because I thought it would help me avoid Force-wedgies. Yeah, I did it mainly for the manly freedom that you can only feel by shedding the shackles of oppression, or as you people call them, undergarments. And I've been freer than free since I made that bold move, my man. But Yoda's ruining it!
I mean, I'll be just walking along, swinging free and proud, whistling the chorus to one of the numbers in "My Fair Lady", reveling in my own prettiness, occasionally touching my face to enjoy the soft silkiness of my fully-moisturized skin - you know, walking on sunshine. Then all of the sudden I'll get this painful sensation of Fruit of the Looms being forced into places it doesn't belong. Do you have any idea how freaky that is when you know you're not wearing any underwear? I mean, do you?
What makes it worse, I'll hear Yoda in the shadows snickering in that annoying little voice of his. You would think after the first 500 times, it would stop being so funny! Not for Yoda, though. It's like those god-awful knock-knock jokes he's told 1000 times. No one laughs when he tells them, but that doesn't matter to him. He cracks himself up every time he tells one of them. "Hee hee hee hee. Oh. Too funny that is. Go pee now I must."
And how am I supposed to maintain my prettiness when my face is all scrunched up in wedgie pain? For God's sake, man, that causes wrinkles! Every time I get one of Yoda's Force-wedgies, I have to step up my already-heavy moisturization and exfoliation regime. That little man does not appreciate how much effort it takes to keep up this level of manly beauty.
I tell you, man, I am about to go crazy! How much of this am I supposed to take?
Anyway, Yoda will be back to talk to you people tomorrow after he gets back from getting his clogs tricked, or whatever this sticky note says.