Monday, October 03, 2005

DMV Blues II: Continue the Humiliation Does

Continued from yesterday's post, this is.

So this "over the road" exam I have to take just so renew my driver's license I can, only because over 650 years old I am. A joke that is. Nothing wrong with the way I drive there is. Been driving for over 800 years I have, and received a single speeding ticket I have not.

Anyway, waiting outside my aispeeder was, so into it the instructor and I got.

Uncomfortable, the instructor seemed. "Uh, do you think we could scoot the seat back a little? My knees are in my face."

"Sorry. Scoot the seat back we can not. Or else, able to reach the pedals I would not."

"Yeah, speaking about that, are you sure you're tall enough to safely operate this vehicle?"

"Of course tall enough I am. Ask, why do you?"





"Oh, no reason. It just seems that you would have a hard time seeing over..."

"See fine I can. Get this over with let us."

"OK, put on your left turn signal and pull away from the curb."

Away from the curb I pulled. Immediately honk and swerve around from behind me, some maniac did.

"You didn't look behind you when you pulled out into traffic," the instructor said.

"Because going backwards I was not, that is."

"But didn't you hear that other driver honk?"

"Yes, very rude of him that was."

Continue nit-picking like this the whole time this instructor would.

"You know, you could turn off your turn signal. The last turn was fifteen minutes ago."

"Know that you're timing my turn signals, I did not. Maybe keep your eyes on the road, you should."

"You're going 15 miles per hour."

"Yes, how fast I normally go that is. If too fast for you that is, go slower I can."

"But the speed limit on this flyway is 125 miles per hour!"

"So? In a hurry you are? Paid by the hour you are, are you not?"

To parallel park, he made me. Parallel parking I hate. So hard it is. To park on top of another speeder I prefer.

"You just hit the speeder behind you!"

"No, just nudge it gently with my rear bumper, I did. Leave me enough room that driver did not."

"But you hit the speeder in front of us, too!"

"To make room to get out, I needed."

At last, heading back to the DMV we were.

"Wait! You can't turn in here! You're going the wrong way! This is a one-way flyway!"

"OK that is. Only going one way I am."

"We're going to hit someone! We could have an accident! This is a very busy flyway! Oh, my god, here comes an oncoming speeder! We're going to crash!"

What a whiner he was.

Finally back to the DMV we got.

"So, pass the exam did I?"

"Absolutely not! I've done this job for twenty-three years, and that is the worst driving I have ever seen! I fully intend to give you a failing grade just as soon as I stop shaking and I can pry my fingers out of this dash board!"

The doors I locked and the top I put up.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to give me another chance you are. Going to take you on another ride I am."

"No!! WAIT!! Uh, you know, I think I've changed my mind. You passed. Yes, that's right. You passed with flying colors. So no need for a second ride! No sir!"

The doors I unlocked and out of the speeder he jumped. Ever seen anyone get on all fours and kiss the landing pad like that I have not. A strange one, this guy was.

"Thank you," I told him.

"Yes, well, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find a clean pair of shorts now. And I think I'll call my wife and tell her how much I love her, too."

But get my driver's license just yet, I could not. Have to take the vision test, I would. Talk about that in tomorrow's post, I will.

Comments on "DMV Blues II: Continue the Humiliation Does"

 

Blogger jedisiri said ... (4:39 AM) : 

hey a little mind trick would do,master yoda.you don't need to explain these silly things to taht silly man.

 

Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said ... (8:33 AM) : 

Hey! That was my speeder you banged into when you were trying to parallel park. You didn't leave a note or anything!

 

Blogger Master Yoda said ... (8:40 AM) : 

Chancellor,

Then know it was me, how do you? Besides, my fault it is not that give me enough room you did not.

 

Blogger Kathy said ... (11:20 AM) : 

Oh Yoda, take heart. I traveled to Saint Louis this weekend after having not been downtown in probably 10 years. I drove for miles with my turn signal on and I just turned 40 last month. Don't let the DMV get to you. They are evil.

 

Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (11:44 AM) : 

In Chicago, we always call it "parking by braille" and believe me, it is done quite a bit. Ever see a guy in an Escalade try to park in a spot fit only for a Yugo?

 

Blogger JawaJuice said ... (1:40 PM) : 

Wow, you should sell tickets and call it Mister Yoda's Wild Ride.

 

Blogger Mace Windu said ... (6:15 PM) : 

Now you know why I eventually got my own speeder.

 

Blogger Anakin Skywalker said ... (9:05 PM) : 

See, an THAT is why I hate ridin with you. 125 ain't a suggestion. (well, it is if you is goin over it)

 

Anonymous 2nd Padawan from the Right said ... (11:28 PM) : 

We the Loyal Padawan say with all due and proper respect, "Punch that Mutha, Master Yoda!". You know that traffic laws are only guidelines really, for the weak minded. Someday we too will get a "pimped out" ride and do donuts in front of the Temple. At least we can dream ... Sir!

 

Anonymous Local Civilian said ... (7:31 PM) : 

Your speeder, Yoda... I suspect Anakin isn't the only one who has put scratches and dents in it. Just call it a hunch.

 

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