Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Dooku: My List of Grievances

Sorry I am that several hours late this blog is. Last night, out the electricity at the Jedi Temple was. Stupid Coruscant Light & Power Company!

Anyway, said that too harsh, my chosen punishment for Dooku is, some of you have. Mmph! What know you of harsh? Had varicose veins and achy joints for almost 700 years now I have. Tell me about harsh do not!

"But just a game of Bingo, it is," some of you said. All of it, that is not! Only the straw that broke the bantha's back, it is! Listed for you my grievances against Dooku I have:

My List of Grievances Against Dooku:

1. A big, hairy, ugly, scary spider he put in my room.
2. Ruined Lawrence Welk dance night at the Coruscant Senior Citizens' Center for me, he has.
3. Threw a big party for Senator Amidala, but invite me he did not! Much ice cream and cake there was. Ice cream and cake I love, he knows!
4. Young Skywalker's arm he chopped off and refused to reimburse the Jedi Order for the mechanical arm replacement he has. Know do you how expensive arm replacements are? Pay for it anymore our group policy will not. They said that filed too many claims for arm and hand replacements we have.
5. The one who convinced Windu to wear those stupid wigs he was. This he did, because a stupid comb-over Dooku himself has. Long in front his hair he grows, then over the bald spot in back he combs it. Seen his hair when very windy it is I have. Fooling no one you are, Dooku!
6. Prank phone calls to my number all the time he makes. Know an I. P. Freely I do not, so stop asking me you will!
7. One time, some "tea" he gave me. Hurt, it made my tummies and see strange things it made me. And what the "green" in the "green tea" was, I think I know now!
8. Getting me kicked out of the AARP, he tried. Need the supplemental insurance I do! To cover people over 500 years old, no one else wants! Fortunately, belonged to AARP for 825 years I have. Much seniority I have.
9. Send me a "Get Well Card" when the Naboosian Flu I had, he did not.
10. Called me "that midget frog on the Jedi Council" and "Jedi Master Kermit" behind my back he has!

So see you can, a major butt-whooping he deserves. And get one he will, too.

Comments on "Dooku: My List of Grievances"

 

Anonymous sandyg said ... (9:40 AM) : 

In any competition between Master Yoda and Count Dooku, there is no question that Right, Might and the Master Yoda Way will prevail! Very annoying it must be to have him around all the time!

 

Blogger trinamick said ... (10:02 AM) : 

Combovers are bad enough by themselves to justify severe punishment. The rest of his offenses are just icing on the cake.

 

Blogger Day Musings said ... (10:09 AM) : 

Great site. Keep it up!

 

Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said ... (10:33 AM) : 

I can put him in time out, if you like?

I thought I had restricted his phone privileges after that 'do you have prince albert in a can' joke he tried to pull on you. I'll cleave the phone in his room with my lightsaber. That should do the trick.

 

Blogger flu said ... (10:37 AM) : 

Master Yoda,

Just make certain your punishment doesn't include severed hands or busted knuckles. He's getting back into the guitar, you know!

 

Blogger Leia said ... (11:00 AM) : 

How many "tummies" do you have, Yoda?
Try cutting off Dooku's head and don't reimbursefy for his head replacement. See how he likes it.

 

Blogger Aayla Secura said ... (12:20 PM) : 

Then in that case, go right on ahead and punish him.

 

Blogger ninjanun said ... (12:51 PM) : 

I would say the spider incident was bad enough. Spiders give me the heeby-jeebies too, Master Yoda!

 

Blogger Caterpillar said ... (2:27 PM) : 

As far as grievance number 9 is concerned: Its so very difficult to find that ever-illusive "You're my mortal enemy and I hate your guts but get well soon so I can obliderate you off the face of the universe" card...Halmark discontinued it, shame really.

 

Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (3:23 PM) : 

Whew! There are one or two sore grievances there!

 

Blogger mr. schprock said ... (3:23 PM) : 

I think you and Count Dooku should take your differences to the Jerry Springer Show and let the healing begin. And if you do, a transcript would be nice…

 

Blogger JawaJuice said ... (6:25 PM) : 

Oooooo!
Can't wait to watch the smack-down.
Hope it's shown on Pay-per-view.

Look out, though. I hear he's secretly making plans to annex Dollyworld!

 

Blogger Jar Jar Binks said ... (6:33 PM) : 

Mesa noah knowen what yousa problem issen with der last one. Kermit issen cool! Hesa issen related to der Gungans.

 

Anonymous Alasseo said ... (8:38 PM) : 

I'm not quite sure what your problem is with being compared to Kermit. I know, it's annoying to be likened to a relative, but he must have inherited his good looks from somewhere.

Still, not inviting you to the party is a bit much; time for some application of hurt, perhaps?

 

Blogger Leia said ... (10:55 PM) : 

You should throw a party, Yoda.

 

Blogger jedisiri said ... (1:23 AM) : 

go on ,master yoda ! be a brave man(?)!

 

Blogger Barriss Offee said ... (1:43 PM) : 

Put him on the mailing list for the Church of Scientology. They NEVER leave you alone!

 

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