Yacking With Yoda
|Much earlier my Stupid Intern should have posted this. But some lame excuse for not doing it, he had. A doctor's appointment, or a family member's wedding or funeral or something he had. Something like that it was. Whatever, care I do not. Do that sort of thing on his own time, he must! Unfortunately, since for free he works, dock his pay I can not. Have to feed him less, I will. Anyway, here the post is:|
Still doing that stupid call-in radio show the Chancellor made me sign up for, I am. Getting any better it is not! Calling in, more losers than ever are. The stupidest job I have ever had, this is.
Caller: Yeah, so I was wondering if you know what I should about this rash I have. It's on my...
Me: Next caller.
Producer: Hey! I told you before, you can't just be rude and hang up on a caller because you don't want to hear about their problem!
Me: What other reason for rudely hanging up on a caller would their be?
Producer: Just take the next call.
Me: Hello, Lulu from Tatooine, on the air you are. Lulu? Lulu? There are you?
Producer: For the thousandth time, you have to push the flashing button!
Me: Pushing the button I am!
Producer: That's not the button, that's the light switch on the wall!
Me: Wondering why flickering the lights in here were, I was. Lulu, on the air you are.
Caller #2: Hello? Am I on?
Me: Yes, on the air you are. Your problem, what is?
Caller #2: Well, my old man keeps trading our food stamps for chewing tobacco, see...
Me: Well, a big problem that is, yes.
Caller #2: Nah, that ain't the problem. I ain't got to it, yet. See, I like the Beechnut brand, but he keeps gettin' Skoal. The way I figure, them food stamps is really mine, since the Government sends 'em to me on account of I got eight kids, most of which ain't his. So I'm thinking I should get the say over which brand of chaw we get. What do you think?
Me: Kill me now, someone must.
Caller #2: Huh?
Me: Lulu, matter it does not.
Caller #2: How come?
Me: Because gone, all of your teeth will soon be.
Caller #2: 'Cause I chew tobacco?
Me: Yes, mostly. Also at blame, inbreeding is. Anyway, dentures you will have and be able to chew tobacco you will not. So matter this argument will not.
Caller #2: Ok, but I also got this other problem...
Me: Care I do not. For calling thank you. Goodbye.
Me: All the time we have for Yacking With Yoda we have that is...
Producer: We still have 20 minutes!
Me: ...so enjoy these fine commercials for the next 20 minutes you will. In the mean time, like to leave you with this final word of advice for tonight, I would: "Just because important to you, your problem is, mean that does not that stupid it is not." A good night have.
Words to live by, those are.