Monday, April 17, 2006

Kenobi's Condition

Walking by the Temple Infirmary I was today. There, Kenobi I saw. An icepack on his head, he had.

"Kenobi," I said, "doing what here, are you?"

"I hit my head."

"He has a minor concussion," the medical droid said.

"Kenobi, been crushing beer cans against your head, have you? Told you how many times have I, that first open the can and empty it before trying to crush it against your head you must?"

To the side, the medical droid took me. "I'm afraid it's more serious than that, Master Yoda. Master Kenobi is showing signs of Severely Traumatic Underdeveloped Primary Intelligence Disorder."

"Severely Traumatic Underdeveloped Primary Intelligence Disorder?! Serious, that sounds! Going to be OK is he?!" Starting to panic, I was.

"The good news is no one has ever died from this disease, at least not directly."

"Mean what, by 'not directly', do you?"

"Well, the disease can cause those who suffer from it to make unwise decisions. For instance, some who have been diagnosed as Severely Traumatic Underdeveloped Primary Intelligence Disordered have been known to do things such as buy homes in flood plains, stick forks in toasters, talk on the cell phone while driving, watch Jerry Springer, and sadly, try to crush beer cans against their head while the cans are still unopened and full of beer."

"Well, do what can we? Going to be this way for the rest of his life, is he?"

"We still have to run some tests and rule out other conditions. For instance, we would need to rule out Mentally Oblivious Random Oafishness Neurosis, which can be very similar."

"But going to be alright is he?! Surely, something we can do there must be!"

"Right now, there's no cure for Severely Traumatic Underdeveloped Primary Intelligence Disorder. But we can try to treat the symptoms and slow the spread of the disease. Tell me, has he been watching a lot of professional wrestling lately?"

"Yes, all the time he watches that."

"Hmm. Well, he'll have to stop that immediately. Studies have conclusively shown that every time someone watches professional wrestling, that person becomes a little more Severely Traumatic Underdeveloped Primary Intelligence Disordered."

"Very difficult that will be for him."

"I'm afraid he'll have no choice. Here's a list of other programming he'll have to abstain from. As you can see, most of it is either on UPN or stars the Olsen twins."

"Yes, very useful this will be."

"Still, he will probably be Severely Traumatic Underdeveloped Primary Intelligence Disordered for the rest of his life. The upside is that most people who are Severely Traumatic Underdeveloped Primary Intelligence Disordered have no idea exactly how Severely Traumatic Underdeveloped Primary Intelligence Disordered they really are, or even that they're Severely Traumatic Underdeveloped Primary Intelligence Disordered in the first place."

Completely unaware of this disease before, I was. Research it I must, so that help Kenobi I can. Aware of this affliction, more people should be!

*** By the way, late I am, but like to congratulate Captain Picard on his 200th post, I would. Check his blog out, you must!

**** In case read it you have not, an important announcement about Master Yoda's Blog, my Stupid Intern has posted on his blog.

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Comments on "Kenobi's Condition"

 

Blogger Private Hudson said ... (7:41 AM) : 

Wow, that Severely Traumatic Underdeveloped Primary Intelligence Disorder sounds pretty serious. I'm glad that I don't have it.

 

Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (9:19 AM) : 

Sounds like Kenobi might be eligible for a Darwin Award in the not too distant future.

 

Blogger Wedge Antillies said ... (10:12 AM) : 

Maybe we should start a fund raiser to fully understand this condition. Maybe more ice on his head would help.

 

Blogger JawaJuice said ... (11:18 AM) : 

That was a Fantastically Uncommon Noteworthy Nonsense Yarn you posted there.

Explains a lot about Obi-Wan.
Maybe there should be a telethon?

 

Blogger Tommy Tusken said ... (11:19 AM) : 

Hmmm. That's interesting. At the Tusken camps we don't have an infirmary.

We just shoot our sick.

 

Anonymous Clax said ... (12:51 PM) : 

So Yoda's going into exile or something? I'm not sure what I'll do while you're gone.

By the way, great picture of you here:
http://clayburn.blogspot.com/2006/03/photo-caption-contest-2.html

 

Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (1:40 PM) : 

For the plug, I must thank you, Master Yoda.

 

Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said ... (1:47 PM) : 

The Lt. Cmdr told many of the clones we suffer from a Disorder Utilizing Manly Brainwaves. She said lots of guys have it.

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (2:19 PM) : 

As long as he is being tested, you might have him tested for:
Doofitis Ultimate Mental Blockage, the symptoms are almost identical.

 

Blogger Vampirella said ... (3:38 PM) : 

No Hudson you suffer from Chronic Rudeness ExpectoratingEructing Psychosis


thus why women like Onieda has restrainer orders ;)

 

Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said ... (7:52 PM) : 

Vampi is right Hudson, and there is no cure, though large amounts of mace do keep it and its carriers at bay.

Fortunatly, only the Batch 3 clones suffer from that, AOC, you all are just fine

 

Blogger Jabafatboy said ... (3:43 PM) : 

Have known many people in my time to suffer from s.t.u.p.i.d.

There is NO Cure !!

Very sad

 

Anonymous Anakins padawan. said ... (3:40 AM) : 

I heard that somebody called obi wan had s.t.u.p.i.d. take him straight into ER.

 

Blogger eda said ... (4:06 AM) : 

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Blogger kold_kadavr_ flatliner said ... (10:23 AM) : 

This comment has been removed by the author.

 

Blogger kold_kadavr_ flatliner said ... (10:25 AM) : 

This comment has been removed by the author.

 

Blogger kold_kadavr_ flatliner said ... (10:25 AM) : 

What do you want, brudda?
The shallow and superficial...
or eternal Seventh-Heaven?
Follow us on the journey home...

'The more you shall honor Me,
the more I shall bless you'
-the Infant Jesus of Prague
(<- Czech Republic, next to Russia)

trustNjesus, Pops,
and wiseabove to the Great Beyond...
cuzz the only other realm aint too cool.
God bless your indelible soul.

 

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