Thursday, March 09, 2006

Yacking With Yoda

Hosting my radio call-in show I was yesterday.

"And... back we are. Listening to Yacking With Yoda you are. Your host, Yoda I am. Our next caller, Brian from Alderaan is. Hello, Brian. On the air you are... Brian? There are you?"

"Push the button!" my producer yelled.

"Which button you speak of? Many there are."

"The big flashing one! The same stupid button I've had to remind you for months to push every time you get a call! For crying out loud! I'm going to go nuts!"

"All you had to say that was." Very uptight he is. "Hello, Brian. On the air you are."

"Hello? Am I on now?"

"Yes, on you are. You're problem what is?"

"Well, my mother and my wife aren't getting along and it's causing me a lot of stress. I don't know what to do about it anymore."

"Start, when did the trouble?"

"It probably started on our honeymoon. You see, Mom wanted to go to the mountains but my wife wanted to go to the beach, and..."

"Wait. With you on your honeymoon, your mother went?"

"Well, yeah. Mom wanted to go and it had been a long time since she had taken a trip, so I thought why not? So anyway, my wife gets all bent out of shape just because my mother insists on coming into our room and picking out my clothes every morning before I go to work. And to be honest, I don't really like it either. But you know, it's my Mom, and I hate to say no..."

"Brian, you're problem I see."

"You do?"

"Yes, surgery you need."


"Yes, a spine transplant you need. Next caller. Anne from Endor, on the air you are."

"Hello lo lo lo lo? Am am am am I I I I I on on on on on?"

"Yes, on you are. Your radio turn down."

"Oh, sorry."

"There, better that is. With what, help you I can?"


"You with what, can I help?"


"What with, help you can I?"

"I don't understand..."

"Your problem what is?!!"

"Oh, my problem. Well, I've been dating this guy over the Internet for several months now, and he asked me to marry him. He lives on the other side of the galaxy, but that's alright. I don't mind moving. In fact, I've already packed my bags, sold my house, and quit my job so I can move."

"The problem what is?"

"My family thinks it's a bad idea just because I've never met the guy in person. But that doesn't matter, does it? I mean, it feels like I've known him for years. And besides, he's sent me pictures and everything. It's strange, but he looks exactly like Brad Pitt, I mean exactly the same. Anyway, I know this is the man for me. But I wanted to get your opinion."

"I think a good idea it is."

"You do? That's great..."

"Yes. In fact, while at it you are, swim naked in a shark tank why don't you?"

"What? But I..."

"Just as smart that would be. Or maybe wrap yourself in tin foil and run around outside during a lightning storm, you could. Yes, smart that would be also. Yes, very wise decisions you make for yourself, I can see."

Good at this, I am getting. I think because so obvious it is how much I care, it is.


Tabulate your votes for the "Best of Master Yoda's Blog" poll, my Stupid Intern will tonight. Then update the sidebar he will. Like to thank everyone who voted I would.

Next week, another poll for posts 201-300, there will be. I promise, the last one for a while that will be!


Comments on "Yacking With Yoda"


Blogger Wedge Antillies said ... (10:15 AM) : 

I think you should take your intern into the booth with you and let him take care of the button pushing.


Blogger Vampirella said ... (11:23 AM) : 

I think Brian needs 2 surgeries Master Yoda

because the embilical cord hasnt been cut


Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said ... (11:37 AM) : 

I tried Hol-Net dating once. She sound like a nice girl, called her self Wedgina. After a few months Wedgina asked to meet me in person. But when I show up, she was late. A bunch guys in orange jumpsuit came out of nowhere and beat eh heck out of me. Wedgina never contacted me after that. I never could figure out why.


Blogger Old Man Morri said ... (10:02 PM) : are hilarious.
Now you can join us.

join my cult.


Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (6:22 AM) : 

I think you were absolutely right to tell that caller not to marry Brad Pitt. That guy seems to have a bit of a commitment problem. He'd probably just end up hurting her.


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (10:58 AM) : 

Brad Pitt may not be a good choice. Angelina Jolie might get rather cross.


Blogger Jaina Solo said ... (1:58 PM) : 

AOC: lol!

Master Yoda, you are getting very good at this. And I agree with Vampirella


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