Saturday, March 04, 2006

The Forcies

Time for the Annual Jedi Awards, it was. The "Forcies" we call them. Like this stupid event, I do not. A waste of time it is.

Walking the red carpet, the worst part is. Because you have to talk to these two, that is:

Joan and Melissa Rivers

Darth Facelift and her apprentice, Darth Whiny, their names are. The Dark Side, these two are.

Enter into the hall through a side door I wanted. Find the side door I could not. So once on the red carpet, to avoid those two I tried. That I was going to make it, I thought. Interviewing Senator Amidala they were. Going on and on about her dress, she was. To sneak by I tried.

"OH! OH! OH my GAWD! Master Yoda, there you are!"

Wookiee snot.

"Master Yoda, come here a second! My Gawd, what are you wearing!" Darth Facelift the Ancient One asked me.

"My Jedi robe it is. What I wear all the time it is."

"'Wear all the time' is right!" she said, "It looks like you sleep in the thing too!"

"Yeah, Mom," Darth Whiny jumped in, "it looks like he came here in his pajamas!"

Massive Force-wedgies I gave both of them. Especially affected, Darth Facelift seemed to be.

"OH! OH! My face! The wedgie pain made the Collagen come loose! Oh my Gawd! OH!"

"Don't worry, Mom! I'll get your onsite makeup/cosmetic surgery crew here right away!"

Finally, into the hall we all were. Begun, the awards show had.

The winner of the first category, they announced:


"And the Forcie for the 'Most Fluent Jedi in Ghetto Speak' goes to... just let me get this envelope open..."

"I'm so excited! Hurry!"

"...Anakin Skywalker!"

Up to give his acceptance speech, Young Skywalker got. "Yo, I wanna thank y'all for keepin it real, know what I mean? I wanna thank my mom. I wanna thank my gir-, uh, Senator Amidala for havin my back, yo. Peace!"

Next, the category for "Most Cheetos Consumed By a Single Jedi" was. Of course, that one Kenobi won.

"I want to thank all them Cheetos elves who spend all that time in that there tree makin the Cheetos..." On and on about the 'Cheetos elves' he went. A long talk with him I will have to have later.

Finally, to the "Best Display of the Force by a Jedi Under 3 Feet Tall and Over 800 Years Old" category we got. Surprised I was that once again, won it I had.

"Like to thank all of the little people, I would - Yaddle, Gary Coleman, Danny DeVito, other little people..." Long my acceptance speech was not. Tired I was getting.

Trouble there was when to the last category we got - the "Prettiest, Shiniest, Bald Head" category.

The envelope they opened. "And the winner is..."

Up, Windu stood.



"WHAT?!" Windu screeched. Up on stage he rushed. "This is an outrage! This is a huge injustice! This is completely, undeniably, unfair! That is my award! I've earned it!"

Off stage he had to be dragged. Sobbing all the way, he was. Great, have to hear about this for the next two months, I will.


Forget to vote on the "Best of Master Yoda" poll, do not! Choosing from posts 101 to 200, you will be. A little summary next to many of the post titles, my Stupid Intern wrote on the poll, so have to go back and read all of those post you will not.

Open until next Thursday, the poll will be so about a week you have. But procrastinate do not! Want a Force-wedgie do you? Hmph!


Comments on "The Forcies"


Blogger Dark Jedi Kriss said ... (12:09 PM) : 

Rolf, that was too funny! The Forcies!


Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said ... (12:47 PM) : 

I almost won a "Clonie" one year for best supporting, supporting, supporting role as 3rd Clone from the right in a training video, but sadly it went to that pretty boy, George Cloney.


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (1:55 PM) : 

The Federation need to have their own Awards. "Captain with the most problems is..."


Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (2:23 PM) : 

Ooh, an upset! There's going to be a lot of crying in Vegas tonight.


Blogger Jango Fett said ... (2:35 PM) : 

Thats a great show, The forcies


Anonymous medrewnotyou said ... (3:23 PM) : 

I don't want to stoke his ego, but Mace has a better look going on.


Blogger Jaina Solo said ... (5:01 PM) : 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


Blogger Jaina Solo said ... (5:04 PM) : 

"Best Display of the Force by a Jedi Under 3 Feet Tall and Over 800 Years Old" category we got. Surprised I was that once again, won it I had.

Why? How many Jedi fit that discription?
I'm sure that you earned it though...


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (5:27 PM) : 

Maybe Master Windu would feel better if there was an award for "Best Buns of Steel™". I mean, if he won it, or course. That could lessen the anguish of the next two months?


Anonymous Dinorider said ... (5:28 PM) : 

Wasn't there any tongue wrestling session like that one (2004?) bettween Darth Adrien Brodie and Halle Berry?

I Had Thought Chewbacca Kissed Darth Madonna! A paparazzo showed me such picture! I can tell!


Blogger Barriss Offee said ... (11:49 PM) : 

Master Windo should feel so bad, there wasn't even a category for the Jedi Healers. :(

I guess healers don't really need awards.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:17 AM) : 

Good for you Master Yoda....those two needed a force-wedgie especially Darth
Facelift. She really ought to thank you. I don't think she has slept since her last face lift because her eyes no longer close. Maybe she can get some sleep now.

I also agree with Medrewnotyou...I think Mace has it all over this character Ki-Adi-Mundi. Who judges these things anyway?


Blogger Vegeta said ... (12:25 AM) : 

Darth face lift and whiny Th perfect names for those 2


Blogger Wedge Antillies said ... (1:08 AM) : 

BTW, Mr. Yoda,
The love of your life did a song on the 'other' awards tonight. I hope you got back home in time to see the lovely Ms. Parton.


Blogger Dark Jedi Kriss said ... (1:54 AM) : 

Wedge,I'm sure Master was drooling all over the place when Dolly sang!


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (8:20 AM) : 

All those awards seem created to be given to one specific Jedi. Are you sure this awards show isn't just a big load of hooey?


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