Monday, February 20, 2006

Counseling for Young Skywalker

Want to do this I did not. But no choice I had. Last week, an intervention we tried with Young Skywalker. Trying to get him to give up his teddy bear, we were. But work it did not. So today, to see Steve Spider, Licensed Therapist, I took him.

Happy to see Young Skywalker, Steve was not. "Ah, great. Just great. The kid again. Look, Yoda, Buddy, I told you before I can't help nobody who don't want to be helped. Know what I'm sayin, here?"

"I know, but desperate I am. Your help he needs."

"Look, I'm not sayin he's a bad kid or nothin. But the last time he was here he tore up my office. I had to get a new couch and everything. It set me back some serious moolah. You can't find furniture with that leopard print just anywhere, know what I'm sayin? I mean you try to find orange shag carpet in Coruscant. And on top of all that, he wanted to chop my arms off. I mean what's with that kid? You want I should lose my business and my arms? Huh?"

"I know, but serious this is..."

"'Serious' he says. I tell you what's serious, my friend. Serious is having to replace a mahogany desk with one of those cheapies from Office Depot because Junior here can't keep his lightsaber turned off. That's serious."

"That you just talk to him, all I'm asking is."

"I don't like talkin to him. He's got issues. It's like he's crazy or somethin."

"Uh, Steve, a psychiatrist you are."


"Supposed to talk to crazy people with issues, you are."

"Nah, that's just the psychiatrists who aren't good enough to get their own practice. Usually, they end up workin for the state or somethin. Me? Mostly I like talkin to rich people who want to lie on my couch for an hour and whine about how their mothers didn't hug them enough when they were kids. It ain't as noble, but it feels like it is 'cause I get paid at the end."

Finally, Steve I convinced that talk to Young Skywalker he should. Able to sit in on the session I was.

"So, Ani... You mind if I call you 'Ani' there, Champ?" Steve asked.

"Nah, G," Young Skywalker said, "as long as you don't mind me callin you 'Steve the Armless Spider', yo."

"OK, 'Anakin' it is. Anakin, Yoda tells me you have a special little friend..."

"You ain't takin' Mr. Snuggles, yo. Ain't nobody takin him."

"Oh, hey, listen, I don't want to take him."

"Good, 'cause I'm libel to bust a cap up in here."

"I just want to talk, Anakin, that's all," Steve told him.

"That's cool," Young Skywalker said, "What you want to talk about?"

"How about your childhood. Back when you were on Tattooine."

"I ain't like to talk about that, yo."

"You were a slave, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but what's that gots to do with nothin, yo?"

"You must've had to work a lot. When did you get time to play?"

"What is this crap, yo? Why you gots to be all askin me dumb questions and spit? Nah, I ain't play. They ain't give us no time to play, yo."

"Then, when you became a Padawan Jedi, they took you straight out into the field instead of training you in the Temple with the other Younglings."

"Yeah. So what? That's all ancient historizzy, G. Ain't nothin but a thing."

"I bet it was somethin then. How did you feel when you would see all the other Padawans having fun together and you had to be with Obi-wan?"

"I was bummed, yo. Hey, get outta my head, G! This is makin me all uncomfortizzle!"

"So, you were a slave when you were on Tattooine. After that, you were going on missions with Obi-wan. When did you have time to be a kid?"

"I didn't have no time to be a kid. Yeah, so?"

"Follow me, here. You think it's possible that by holdin on to Mr. Snuggles there, you might be holdin on to a childhood you never were able to have?"

"Yo, stop it G. You scarin' me. That like, almost makes sense and spit."

"Who gave you Mr. Snuggles, Anakin?"

"Obi-wan, yo. So?"

"He gave it to you when you were little?"


"How did you feel about Obi-wan back then? What kind of relationship did you have?"

"Yo, I ain't like talkin' about no feelins."

"Hey, look, ain't nobody gonna judge you here."

"He was like my dad and spit, the only one I ever had."

"What about now, since you're not his Padawan anymore?"

"He says we like brothers."

"Is that the way you want it to be, or do you wish it was still like he was your dad?"

"A'ight, you freakin me out, yo! Not cool! Get out my head, yo!"

"But it's true, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it true. I ain't never had a dad but him. I kinda liked things the way they was, except I wouldn't wanna still be a Padawan."

"You think maybe by holdin on to Mr. Snuggles, you're holdin on to that relationship you had with Obi-wan?"

"Dang, yo. I ain't never thought of it that way. Sniff."

"Here. Here's some tissue."

"I ain't cryin' yo."


"But gimme that tissue."

"Well, I guess you won't be needin this no more," Steve said as reaching for the teddy bear he was.

Up Young Skywalker jumped. "You ain't takin Mr. Snuggles, yo!"

It that is. Up I give.


Comments on "Counseling for Young Skywalker"


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (8:35 AM) : 

Dress Up padme to look like mr snuggles and he will drop that bear in an instant,

Of course so will half the men in this 2/3 rds of the quadrant.


Blogger Jason said ... (10:32 AM) : 


You could lock Mr snuggles away and sray him with the power washer every time he tries to get it. Then he'll assosiate Mr Snuggles with unpleasant sprayings and so he'll give it up!


Blogger trinamick said ... (11:07 AM) : 

Better he carry a teddy bear than a used pair of underwear.


Anonymous Verity Kindle said ... (11:35 AM) : 

This actually explains a lot RE: Anakin being a whiny, self-absorbed prat. He only LOOKS like he's 23. Inside, he's still a scared little boy. There's no excuse for the mullet, though. None.


Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said ... (11:39 AM) : 

Why didn't Steve try to do a group hug, like when he does Trooper sessions. Is it because you can't give hugs if you have no arms?


Blogger Wedge Antillies said ... (12:05 PM) : 

I say let him keep the darn thing. Just sneak it out of his room and wash it when he is 'protecting' Padme.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:10 PM) : 

Yoda leave the boy be he will grow out of it we all do

*hides miss huggles*

yeah we all grow out of the teddy bears


Blogger Dark Jedi Kriss said ... (1:42 PM) : 

He'll grow out of it..only he might get into something far worse. Knowing Ani, it could be anything!


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (4:20 PM) : 

Maybe you could send Anakin to Dr. Destiny.


Blogger tiny lil jawa said ... (5:49 PM) : 

Luke: " the force is not with the cantina."

nice work, yoda! i knew we can count on you!

P.S you shoudl think of becoming a doctor!


Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (6:55 PM) : 

The thing you have to realize about Young Skywalker is, he's really not very bright.


Blogger JawaJuice said ... (9:38 PM) : 

So....the best way to get to Anakin is to kidnap Mr. Snuggles?
Hmmmm...I bet I could get some money out of this...


Blogger Shannon said ... (6:55 PM) : 

That was a totally valiant effort, Master Yoda. That Mr. Snuggles can really get in the way when Anakin and I are- um, when he's, like, protecting me and stuff. But I think Steve Spider made some real headway with Ani. When I saw him tonight, he actually put the bear on the couch instead of, like, holding it on his lap during dinner!


Blogger Master John said ... (8:40 PM) : 

Hahaha another funny adventure with Master Yoda! Feel free to visit my blog sometime!


Blogger Jaina Solo said ... (1:55 PM) : 

Aww.. So close. You tried to take it too soon. Another session and you'll be there!


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