Kenobi and Me at the Chinese Buffet
|Down the street from the Jedi Temple, a new Chinese restaurant opened last Wednesday. One of those all-you-can eat buffet restaurants, it is. So of course, try it out, Kenobi just had to. It just so happened that a coupon I had. Besides, Chinese buffets I love. Find chicken and pork cooked 60 different ways, where else can you? So with him I went.|
A mistake that was. Ever go to a buffet with Kenobi you should not. The table manners of a baboon he has. Bad enough it was that to pull his chair right up to the buffet bar he tried. But such a sloppy eater he is that wearing more food than he ate, he ended up.
So embarrassing, it was! And have my disguise I did not. Here, trying to have a civilized conversation with the lady at the table next to me I was, about how dropped dramatically since last Wednesday, the stray cat population in the neighborhood seems to have. But there, trying to burp his way through the alphabet, Kenobi was. Most of the time, buried in his plate, his face was. At one point, if like to try using chopsticks he would, someone asked him. Kidding me are you? Even use a fork and knife he does not.
And ashamed to say it I am, but into the gluttony he dragged me. Taunting me he kept, "C'mon, Girlie-man! You can eat more than that, cain't ya?"
A "Girlie-man" he called me! At stake, my honor was! But worse it got.
"C'mon, get ya another plate. I dare ya. I triple-dog dare ya."
Triple-dog he dared me! Now, try to out-eat him I had to! Have what choice did I?! Besides, weak when it comes to Chinese food, I am. The Bow Wow Gai Pan and the Meow Mein Noodles I especially like, even if know what they are made of I do not.
But foolish to try to out-eat Kenobi it is. Try it do not. Only get hurt you will. After an hour, about ready to burst I was. Feel well, I did not. But just hitting his stride, Kenobi was. A bottomless pit he must be. Cleaning out the buffet faster than they could cook food to fill it, he was.
Soon, out the manager came and yelling at Kenobi he started. "You go now! You no eat here no more!"
Budging, Kenobi was not, "What's the deal?! I got a right to eat here just like anybody else!"
"You eat too much!"
"The sign says, 'All you can eat', don't it? I done paid and everything!"
"You pay just $5.99 for lunch buffet. But you eat $200 of food! Then, 30 customers you scare away because you eat like drunk Wookiee! That another $180 I lose! So you go now!"
"Now hold on..."
"You go now, or I call cops! Besides, you getting fat. You should not eat so much!"
"But I ain't got my fortune cookie!"
"You want fortune? I give you fortune! 'You will be a fat redneck who die from high choresteror'!"
"Choresteror! Choresteror! What, you no speak English? You go now! You no come back no more!"
So back home we went. So humiliated I was. Going to learn, when am I?! You know, so full an hour ago I was. Now hungry I am. Weird that is.