Thursday, February 02, 2006

Yacking With Yoda

Still doing this stupid radio show, I am. Named it "Yacking With Yoda" now, they have. More humiliating this gets all the time.

Even worse it is because for advice, only doofuses call. Dumber I feel myself becoming every time that to one of these people I talk.

An excerpt for the show here is:

Me: "Okay, Charlene our next caller's name is. Hello, Charlene. Yacking with Yoda you are. Hello? Charlene? There are you?"

Producer: "The button! For God's sakes, it's been three weeks already! Can't you learn to push the stupid flashing button?!"

Charlene: "Hello? Am I on?"

Me: "Yes. On you are. Your radio turn down please."

Charlene: "Oh, sorry."

Me: "Your problem what is?"

Charlene: "Well, my baby's daddy is about to go off to war, and we're thinkin' about gettin' hitched. See, if we ain't married, and somethin happens to him, I cain't collect on no Widow's pension. But if we do get hitched, then I won't get welfare checks for me and my five kids, even though he ain't the daddy of four of 'em. At least, I think he ain't. What should I do?"

Me: "In a mobile home you live, Charlene?"

Charlene: "Yeah! That's amazin'! How'd you know that?"

Me: "Lucky guess. Five younglings... so already procreated you have."

Charlene: "Yeah."

Me: "Yes, too late to correct that mistake it is."

Charlene: "Huh?"

Me: "A way that get married and still recieve a check from the government you can, there is."

Charlene: "How?"

Me: "To war you should go. In fact, draft you now we should before allowed to spawn again, you are. Next caller. Hello, yacking with Yoda you are."

Beth: "Uh, Hi. Yeah, Yoda I'm calling because my husband is having problems with my cats."

Me: "Of what kind of problems you speak?"

Beth: "Well it turns out he's allergic to cats. But you know, he does fine as long as long as he wears that gas mask with the oxygen tank whenever he's in the house! But he's being stubborn. He keeps saying I need to get rid of the cats or he's leaving! What should I do?"

Me: "How many cats have you?"

Beth: "Only twelve."

Me: "It sounds like respect you for who you are, your husband does not."

Beth: "Exactly! That's what I was telling him..."

Me: "Yes. See that to be known as the neighborhood's 'crazy old cat lady' you want, he does not."

Beth: "Wait, I..."

Me: "More understanding he should be. Obviously, willing to live in a hairball infested house that smells like cat pee you are because no people skills you have, you are. To respect that he needs."

Beth: "I don't think..."

Me: "Realize how lucky he is that you even married him, he does not. Normally, alone without a husband or any friends, people like you die. Yet, willing to let him into your life you are."

Maybe more effective I would be, if hate all of the callers I did not.

Comments on "Yacking With Yoda"


Blogger jedisiri said ... (8:54 AM) : 

*giggle*your advice is toooooo nice.accurate and sharp.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:39 AM) : 

Hello, is this Dr. Yoda Phill. I want to ask you a question.

How can you justify giving that kind of advice , when you live in a : Pickle fartin, cheeto eatin , padme lovin , monkey cross dressin, Household ?

OH By the way, I am first time caller, dont forget the coffee mug.


Blogger Master Yoda said ... (10:00 AM) : 

Caller, your radio turn down.

Give this kind of advice I can because a loser, every single person who calls in to this show is - especially Hutts who call in.

The address of your trailer park give the producer so send you your loser mug we can.


Blogger Vegeta said ... (10:02 AM) : 

Maybe your just at your in the wrong area, I just don't think you fit with the Jerry Springer show Demagraphic of that area.


Blogger Wedge Antillies said ... (10:41 AM) : 

Wow, I did not know they had trainlers on Coruscant. Or are these interesting people are calling via the Holonet from somewhere else?

At least be happy you have listeners, and that you are being compensated for your time. You are being paid, aren't you Mr. Yoda?


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (10:51 AM) : 

lol I guess old errr people(?) do get grumpier with age :P


Blogger Private Hudson said ... (10:58 AM) : 

Yoda, I have a question. Hello, Yoda can you hear me? Hello? OK.

I'm working really closely with this totally hot number. I tell you, she hotter than the barrel of an M56 Smart Gun after going through 300 rounds! I think she likes me, too.

The only problem is, I'm kind of her superior. Do you think it'd be OK if we dated? What if we just went out a few times then I dumped her, is that OK?



Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said ... (11:56 AM) : 

Lives in a trailer park, 5 kids, babydady going off to war.

Private Hudson, isn't that your girlfriend


Blogger Private Hudson said ... (1:47 PM) : 

Nope. I don't have a girlfriend.


Blogger Wedge Antillies said ... (2:17 PM) : 

Hudson, I have trouble believeng you are anyone's superior, let alone an attractive woman like Huxley. And take it from and older, wiser guy who has been there, DON'T. If you don't believe me, ask Lt. Commander Oneida.


Blogger NandeHi said ... (2:50 PM) : 

Jaba - there is nothing wrong with our household!!! Except I have to let you in - I mean I have to get to work......


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (3:13 PM) : 

What's the number to get on 'Yack With Yoda'?


Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (3:36 PM) : 

That was great. I love the name.

And Hudson, there really is no problem with dating someone under you. In fact, it's much, much easier. If they start getting too needy, you can just have them transferred. If they play extra nice, then you can get them better rations or requisition softer mattresses or whatever. If they talk back, you can make them cool their heels in the stockade. It's really win-win.


Blogger Magneto said ... (4:19 PM) : 

I've always wanted to know what it would be like to tag a Master Jedi.



Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said ... (4:26 PM) : 

Ok, having been the lower ranking member of a couple, it stinks, but that's just my opinion, and since it's not on TV or radio, I'm pretty sure it doesn't count for much.

Maybe you should have a set of instructions for people to follow before they can get through to you, Master Yoda You know, weed out the really dumb ones


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