Yacking With Yoda
|Still doing this stupid radio show, I am. Named it "Yacking With Yoda" now, they have. More humiliating this gets all the time. |
Even worse it is because for advice, only doofuses call. Dumber I feel myself becoming every time that to one of these people I talk.
An excerpt for the show here is:
Me: "Okay, Charlene our next caller's name is. Hello, Charlene. Yacking with Yoda you are. Hello? Charlene? There are you?"
Producer: "The button! For God's sakes, it's been three weeks already! Can't you learn to push the stupid flashing button?!"
Charlene: "Hello? Am I on?"
Me: "Yes. On you are. Your radio turn down please."
Charlene: "Oh, sorry."
Me: "Your problem what is?"
Charlene: "Well, my baby's daddy is about to go off to war, and we're thinkin' about gettin' hitched. See, if we ain't married, and somethin happens to him, I cain't collect on no Widow's pension. But if we do get hitched, then I won't get welfare checks for me and my five kids, even though he ain't the daddy of four of 'em. At least, I think he ain't. What should I do?"
Me: "In a mobile home you live, Charlene?"
Charlene: "Yeah! That's amazin'! How'd you know that?"
Me: "Lucky guess. Five younglings... so already procreated you have."
Me: "Yes, too late to correct that mistake it is."
Me: "A way that get married and still recieve a check from the government you can, there is."
Me: "To war you should go. In fact, draft you now we should before allowed to spawn again, you are. Next caller. Hello, yacking with Yoda you are."
Beth: "Uh, Hi. Yeah, Yoda I'm calling because my husband is having problems with my cats."
Me: "Of what kind of problems you speak?"
Beth: "Well it turns out he's allergic to cats. But you know, he does fine as long as long as he wears that gas mask with the oxygen tank whenever he's in the house! But he's being stubborn. He keeps saying I need to get rid of the cats or he's leaving! What should I do?"
Me: "How many cats have you?"
Beth: "Only twelve."
Me: "It sounds like respect you for who you are, your husband does not."
Beth: "Exactly! That's what I was telling him..."
Me: "Yes. See that to be known as the neighborhood's 'crazy old cat lady' you want, he does not."
Beth: "Wait, I..."
Me: "More understanding he should be. Obviously, willing to live in a hairball infested house that smells like cat pee you are because no people skills you have, you are. To respect that he needs."
Beth: "I don't think..."
Me: "Realize how lucky he is that you even married him, he does not. Normally, alone without a husband or any friends, people like you die. Yet, willing to let him into your life you are."
Maybe more effective I would be, if hate all of the callers I did not.