The Chancellor's State of the Republic Address

Nothing good on TV tonight there was. His State of the Republic speech, the Chancellor gave. So boring it was. So through the channels I flipped. On almost all of the channels he was. On the rest, only garbage was. " ... which is why I have directed that legislation be submitted to the Senate which would ban all David Hasselhoff music from the Republic." Thunderous applause Flip "Not only does it slice, dice, puree, and get out those tough coffee stains, but it's great for treating hair loss too!" Flip "...and thanks to the No Wookiee Left Behind initiative, nearly every Wookiee youngling will have a chance to go to Obedience School." Thunderous applause Flip "Listen, you need to get real with yourself and identify these harmful behaviors. That's why I'm going to make sure you get a copy of my new book Get Off the Couch You Fat Cow." Flip "The Republic has become far too dependant on foreign sources for our cookies. Many of these sources are unstable worlds from the Mid East part of the galaxy. Tonight, I announce the Domestic Cookie Initiative, which will end our dependance on foreign cookies within the next ten years." Thunderous applause. Flip "How many thousands of credits would you expect to pay for this amazing product? But if you act now it's yours for only $19.99! We'll even throw in the nose hair trimming attachment, shoe buffing attachment, and this amazing set of steak knives for absolutely free! That's a $123,000.00 value for only $19.99! But that's not all! If you call within the next 30 seconds..." Flip "The Republic has made it clear to the Tatooine government that Tatooine must stop developing weapons of mass confusion..." Thunderous applause Flip "What's that, Lassie? Timmy's at the bottom of a ravine and his leg is broken?" "Arf!" "You say it's a compound fracture of his right tibula?' "Arf!" "Oh, you said fibula. I'm sorry." Flip "Thank you and good night." Thunderous applause. So, how a State of the Republic speech ends, this is - with thunderous applause. .