Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Chancellor's State of the Republic Address

Nothing good on TV tonight there was. His State of the Republic speech, the Chancellor gave. So boring it was. So through the channels I flipped. On almost all of the channels he was. On the rest, only garbage was.



" ... which is why I have directed that legislation be submitted to the Senate which would ban all David Hasselhoff music from the Republic."

Thunderous applause





Flip




"Not only does it slice, dice, puree, and get out those tough coffee stains, but it's great for treating hair loss too!"










Flip



"...and thanks to the No Wookiee Left Behind initiative, nearly every Wookiee youngling will have a chance to go to Obedience School."


Thunderous applause



Flip



"Listen, you need to get real with yourself and identify these harmful behaviors. That's why I'm going to make sure you get a copy of my new book Get Off the Couch You Fat Cow."








Flip


"The Republic has become far too dependant on foreign sources for our cookies. Many of these sources are unstable worlds from the Mid East part of the galaxy. Tonight, I announce the Domestic Cookie Initiative, which will end our dependance on foreign cookies within the next ten years."

Thunderous applause.





Flip


"How many thousands of credits would you expect to pay for this amazing product? But if you act now it's yours for only $19.99! We'll even throw in the nose hair trimming attachment, shoe buffing attachment, and this amazing set of steak knives for absolutely free! That's a $123,000.00 value for only $19.99! But that's not all! If you call within the next 30 seconds..."







Flip




"The Republic has made it clear to the Tatooine government that Tatooine must stop developing weapons of mass confusion..."


Thunderous applause





Flip


"What's that, Lassie? Timmy's at the bottom of a ravine and his leg is broken?"

"Arf!"

"You say it's a compound fracture of his right tibula?'

"Arf!"

"Oh, you said fibula. I'm sorry."



Flip



"Thank you and good night."



Thunderous applause.






So, how a State of the Republic speech ends, this is - with thunderous applause.


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Comments on "The Chancellor's State of the Republic Address"

 

Blogger Vampirella said ... (6:22 AM) : 

this is why I listen to my stereo and not watch TV

sounded like a perfet night to be a DVD night for you yoda

 

Blogger Jabafatboy said ... (7:46 AM) : 

I always applaud when the chancallor is finished, The only part of his speech worth paying attention to.

Now we can get Timmy some help with his fibula.

 

Blogger JawaJuice said ... (10:50 AM) : 

Tatooine is still making weapons of mass confusion? Still? I thought they abandoned that plan for a less confusing plan unless the less confusing plan was in actuality more confusing than the first confusing plan. If that’s the case, they need a third and a forth (less and more, respectively) confusing plan to confuse those who are not already confused by the first two plans into confusion.
Wait…what?

 

Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (10:53 AM) : 

Did he mispronounce newciller? How about libary or strawbrerry?

 

Anonymous Medrewnotyou said ... (11:17 AM) : 

He didn't talk about ongoing occupations of a certain planet in the Bespin system? That's suspicious...

 

Blogger Wedge Antillies said ... (11:34 AM) : 

* Yawn! *
Oh, is it over? Man, all that political rhetoric really makes me sleepy. I did hear something about cookies, and pasta,and now I am really hungry.
Oh yeah, Commander Oneida sent me these brownies...

 

Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said ... (12:14 PM) : 

Glad you liked them, Wedge.

And Master Yoda, of course there was thunderous applause, not because the Senators liked what he said, rather they were all clapping happily becasue the address was finally over.

 

Blogger Master Yoda said ... (12:27 PM) : 

Medrewnotyou - Probably when I flipped over to the Ronco Food Slicer/Dicer/Shoe Buffer/Pasta Maker, he talked about that.

 

Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said ... (1:11 PM) : 

They told me I was supposed to be on ALL the channels! I want my money back!

 

Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (3:30 PM) : 

Where can I get the $19.99 product? As long as it has the accessories.

 

Blogger flu said ... (6:27 PM) : 

Hey, Master Yoda, you flipped the channel just as they were about to give the number for the amazing product!

Geesh!...and I woulda gotten a bonus too!

 

Blogger Vegeta said ... (6:54 PM) : 

zzzzzzzzz Yaawn is it over?

 

Blogger Daria Niamni, MD said ... (8:20 PM) : 

TV. Holonet. Whatever you call it. Now you know why Master Kenobi is the way he is...

Could any neuron survive to THAT?

 

Blogger Jango Fett said ... (9:03 PM) : 

*Claps* The HoloNet is getting better than before.

 

Blogger Siddharth Nair said ... (9:42 AM) : 

I just found your blog. Impressive. You have made me laugh my ass off for the first time, Jedi.

 

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