The Kenobi Diet Plan
|The other night, out of the bathroom and into the living room wearing only his tighty-whities, Kenobi came. His hairy beer gut he was scratching with one hand, and with the other hand picking his teeth he was. Unfortunately, the last sight I see before going to bed this often is.|
"Kenobi, a good thing it is that see you that way tonight, the female Jedi do not. Able to control themselves, they would not be. Hmm, yes, go back on their Jedi oath, they would."
To ignore me he chose, because an announcment he had. "Tomorrow, I'm gonna go on a diet."
"Every night you say that Kenobi. In the mirror with only your tighty-whities you see yourself, and pleased with the sight you are not. So declare that on a diet you will go the next day. Then, the next morning, amnesia you will have and eat your usual plate full of bacon with a side of grease, you will. Apparentally how you looked in the mirror you forget, until that night when in the mirror with only your tighty-whities you see yourself again. Then again, the cycle starts."
"No, now I mean it this time," Kenobi said as his tighty-whities he was picking out off ...nevermind, "I'm really gonna stick to it. I ain't gonna eat no bacon or any other kinda beef neither. I'm just gonna eat that there cereal, Fiber Roughage Extreme, three times a day. Maybe do it for a week."
"Kenobi, know how wise that is I do not..."
"There ain't nothin to worry about. I done read the box. That there cereal's got 100% of all yer daily vitamins, even Vitamin Q, a whole buncha letters like that. Plus, it's got 3000% of yer daily fiber, so you know it's got to be good fer ya."
Too worried I was not, because stick with these diets he does not. But yesterday, all day only the Fiber Roughage Extreme he ate. Even put sugar on it he did not. And sugar he puts on all his cereals, even his favorite cereals, Sugar Cubes and Cap'n Cavities.
Impressed with his self-control I was. Unfortunately, spent all day today in the bathroom he has. Exaggerating I am not. Early this morning he went in there, and come out he has not. Groans I hear from there every few minutes. And tell you let me, want to walk too close to the door you do not! So bad the smell is, sting your eyes will.
Every so often, knock on the door and check on Kenobi I will. "Kenobi? Still alive are you?"
"Yeah," very weak he sounds, "just there ain't so much of me anymore."
Too bright, Kenobi is not.