Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Kenobi Diet Plan

The other night, out of the bathroom and into the living room wearing only his tighty-whities, Kenobi came. His hairy beer gut he was scratching with one hand, and with the other hand picking his teeth he was. Unfortunately, the last sight I see before going to bed this often is.

"Kenobi, a good thing it is that see you that way tonight, the female Jedi do not. Able to control themselves, they would not be. Hmm, yes, go back on their Jedi oath, they would."

To ignore me he chose, because an announcment he had. "Tomorrow, I'm gonna go on a diet."

"Every night you say that Kenobi. In the mirror with only your tighty-whities you see yourself, and pleased with the sight you are not. So declare that on a diet you will go the next day. Then, the next morning, amnesia you will have and eat your usual plate full of bacon with a side of grease, you will. Apparentally how you looked in the mirror you forget, until that night when in the mirror with only your tighty-whities you see yourself again. Then again, the cycle starts."

"No, now I mean it this time," Kenobi said as his tighty-whities he was picking out off ...nevermind, "I'm really gonna stick to it. I ain't gonna eat no bacon or any other kinda beef neither. I'm just gonna eat that there cereal, Fiber Roughage Extreme, three times a day. Maybe do it for a week."

"Kenobi, know how wise that is I do not..."

"There ain't nothin to worry about. I done read the box. That there cereal's got 100% of all yer daily vitamins, even Vitamin Q, a whole buncha letters like that. Plus, it's got 3000% of yer daily fiber, so you know it's got to be good fer ya."

Too worried I was not, because stick with these diets he does not. But yesterday, all day only the Fiber Roughage Extreme he ate. Even put sugar on it he did not. And sugar he puts on all his cereals, even his favorite cereals, Sugar Cubes and Cap'n Cavities.

Impressed with his self-control I was. Unfortunately, spent all day today in the bathroom he has. Exaggerating I am not. Early this morning he went in there, and come out he has not. Groans I hear from there every few minutes. And tell you let me, want to walk too close to the door you do not! So bad the smell is, sting your eyes will.

Every so often, knock on the door and check on Kenobi I will. "Kenobi? Still alive are you?"

"Yeah," very weak he sounds, "just there ain't so much of me anymore."

Too bright, Kenobi is not.


Comments on "The Kenobi Diet Plan"


Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said ... (1:16 AM) : 

Might I recommend the Urgent Febreeze Unit ;)


Anonymous medrewnotyou said ... (3:17 AM) : 

I think what you look at before bed is as bad as what I just had to read. I'm billing the Order for my counselling.


Blogger jedisiri said ... (4:51 AM) : 

*shake head*tatata...Cycle of Life is really nasty.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (5:37 AM) : 

yoda you should tell him a better diet is for him to eat his greens and veggies

not fiber at least not all day


Blogger Vegeta said ... (6:43 AM) : 

I don't know which is more disturbing the diet Or Kenobi in hiis tighty whities


Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (8:25 AM) : 

I'm suprised that he can rub his belly and pick his teeth. That takes a lot of coordination.


Blogger NandeHi said ... (8:46 AM) : 

See why I did'nt want to stick my hand in the toity?????


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (8:55 AM) : 

Well ...... Yoda dont stop now !!




Blogger Bip said ... (11:06 AM) : 

Super Colon Blow called...apparently that want Kenobi in some commercial.


Blogger Chewy said ... (11:22 AM) : 



Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (2:22 PM) : 

This may just be the cognac talking, but I find myself in total agreement with Chewbacca.


Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said ... (3:00 PM) : 

Hope Obi didn't blow out his O-Ring


Anonymous medrewnotyou said ... (3:17 PM) : 

Is Kenobi feeding the Wookie too? He doesn't sound... well.


Blogger JawaJuice said ... (9:58 PM) : 

Kenobi in his underwear in front of a mirror.... must go through a lot of mirrors.

very funny, btw.


Blogger Nic said ... (11:50 PM) : 

Wow-oww-oww! I'm laid up here in bed with a bad back tonight and I'm laughing my hiney off at this post, Master Yoda. Unfortunatly the laughing doesn't do any wonders for my back.


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