Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Further Humiliation

This letter I received today. Explains why stuck with the crumby house on Dagobah, I got. Fair this is not! Read it you can. Sick it makes me.


Mr. Y Oda

Tower 4, Jedi Square, Suite 17723

Capitol City, Coruscant 82719AHHB-88361

Mr. Oda,

It has come to our attention that you are not totally pleased with your recent purchase of the residence on Dagobah (Property reference DGB3362). Information about your “blog” came to our attention via one of our associates.

It is our policy here at Galactic Timeshare™ to try and make all of our “family members” as happy as possible with their new purchase. Consequently, I have looked into your situation and found some items that you need to be aware of.

1) As was pointed out to you in your original application, our properties are desired by some of the most affluent people in this parsec. Most of our clients have substantial wealth or higher-than-average incomes to aid with their purchase. You do seem to be lacking any regular income and your property selection was lowered accordingly.

2) As part of your loan application you listed several fellow “Jedi Knights” as references. Further investigation into these persons revealed that none of them meet any of the minimum criteria to own properties, so they are not valid as references.

3) The collateral for your loan was made against your vested interest in the “Midichlorian Retirement Fund”. When we looked into your vestment, the fund manager, a Mr. Windu, informed us that due to lack of funding, the amount you noted in your application did not agree with his records. He then recommended a lower-priced property for your selection.

I have attached all the other correspondence we sent to you during this time, and your final signature is available for your review at the Republic Hall of Records.

On a final note, Mr. Oda, if you are still dissatisfied with your purchase, feel free to exercise your option to forfeit your deposit and back out of the contract.

I do hope that we can come to an acceptable solution, Mr. Oda, and you will refrain from making negative comments on your web site.

Thank you for your patronage,

Mr. Ribone Acturras

Public Relations General Manager

Galactic Timeshare Corp.


Wookie snot!


You listed several fellow 'Jedi Knights' as references...none of them meet any of the minimum criteria to own properties... (Oh, apparently good enough to save your sorry butts from armies of evil droids, Jedi are, but good enough to own a two-bedroom cottage on the beach, we are not! Hmph!)


The fund manager, a Mr. Windu, informed us that due to lack of funding,... (What?! Good going, Windu! Forget about in my house holding your Promise Keepers' meetings, you can!!)


The collateral for your loan was made against your vested interest in the “Midichlorian Retirement Fund”...due to lack of funding...(Tell you let me, fully "vested" in my lightsaber I am! Use it to renegotiate the terms of this contract, I may.)


So angry I am, spit I could! I think that to some Dolly listen and a nice bubble bath take, I will. Too upset to talk anymore right now I am.


[A special thanks to dgarmbust@*******.*** for sending this letter.]



Comments on "Further Humiliation"

 

Anonymous Starr said ... (11:27 PM) : 

Tricky, those timeshare contracts are. I myself tried to get a nice mountain property on Alderaan and ended up with a hut in the desert on Tatooine. It didn't even come with a crazy old hedge wizard! I felt gypped!

*No offense to Kenobi, resident crazy old hedge wizard*

 

Anonymous porn kid said ... (11:47 PM) : 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 

Blogger Nick said ... (12:33 AM) : 

Oh, not this guy again...

Dude.
The younglings.

Master Yoda, I would consider your saber to be a possible remedy in this case...

 

Anonymous George Lucas said ... (3:53 AM) : 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 

Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (4:03 AM) : 

They are hard sellers, these timeshare guys. They managed to sell me a property that they said was 'cool', and it turned out to be on the ice planet of Andoria

 

Blogger Master Yoda said ... (7:09 AM) : 

Sorry, delete a couple of comments I had to because family friendly they were not.

 

Anonymous George Lucas said ... (7:28 AM) : 

u r evil. i typed that comment with difficuility and u deleted it!!

 

Anonymous Mr. Obvious said ... (7:41 AM) : 

"Parsec" is a unit of distance, therefore saying "in this parsec" does not make sense.

 

Blogger Master Yoda said ... (7:45 AM) : 

Mr Lucas,

If the bit about you-know-what you leave out, be happy to leave your comment in I will.

In several spots on this blog, keep the comments family-friendly I have asked.

Make that point in the last post's comments we did.

 

Anonymous George Lucas said ... (9:08 AM) : 

my apologist, master yoda.

 

Blogger Master Yoda said ... (9:32 AM) : 

Forgiven, all is. Speak of this no more, we will.

 

Anonymous george lucas said ... (9:37 AM) : 

thank you,master. how long are you online? you seem to respond to my post immediately

 

Anonymous x_thrash said ... (9:49 AM) : 

Master Yoda,
I need to feed. Perhaps you could send Obi-Wan or Windu to me. I could help you get rid of them. Just tell them, and any other followers you wish to be rid of, to follow my link. Muhahah.

http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?x_thrash

 

Blogger flu said ... (11:24 AM) : 

Mr Lucas, Master Yoda feels your posts, and replies accordingly.

Well, it's either that, or he set-up his blog to e-mail him whenever anybody posts a comment.

Strong with the blog, he is.

 

Blogger Nic said ... (11:59 AM) : 

Dear Master Yoda. I guess this is a case of live and learn, as crummy as it is. Maybe you can sing the following Dolly lyrics and feel better.

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down


BTW, what is your favorite Dolly Parton movie?

 

Blogger The Pink Kitty said ... (2:10 PM) : 

I think you should use the light sabre on them! Then they might rethink putting you in that swamp! If you'd like, I can scratch them until they give you a better place! Like on Naboo, it looks so pretty there.

Not that it matters by my favorite Dolly Parton movie is 9-5! It's got that great song too!

 

Blogger j00|{z said ... (3:31 PM) : 

Greetings Master Yoda
If you need a place to stay, try Kashyyk! Wookiees are friendly. We offer you peace and shelter.
Or Hobbiton. Or fluffy-puff marshmallows.

 

Anonymous hc_godess said ... (4:05 PM) : 

I think you should keep the place on Dagobah, Master Yoda. You never know when you might need a place to hide out.

 

Anonymous The Jedi Princess said ... (4:12 PM) : 

I agree with hc_godess.

Besides Yoda, didn't you say that there was an interesting tree in the backyard?

 

Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said ... (4:27 PM) : 

That little TimeShare is better than the Jedi Temple. The evil of the Sith remains after the five years of John Denver Christmas specials being filmed there.
Who invited that guy over anyway?
And anyways, Great Master Yoda, you should be all not into the garish materialistic garbage. It's all tools of 'the Man.' There is nothing that puts you more in tune with the Force than squatting down in a mud hovel eating lentils from a guano bowl.
From the Ether, and man, it's far out...
QGJ

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (4:38 PM) : 

Fear leads to Anger. Anger leads to Hate. Hate leads to the Darkside. The Darkside leads to court appearances and loss of deposit. Think Master Yoda, before you use your lightsabre.

 

Blogger Holy Mother Eph said ... (4:57 PM) : 

You must control your anger, Master Yoda. Perhaps this is an evil plot by Sith Lords to attack your weakness and bring you to the Dark side. Watchful you must be. Meditate on this in the bathtub you should. When your anger has passed, the Force will reveal your path. If you can sob your story up enough, maybe you can petition Extreme Home Makeover Dagobah Edition.

 

Anonymous Susan said ... (5:19 PM) : 

Try not to let it upset you, Master Yoda. It's a timeshare after all. You'll be there, what, one or two weeks a year tops. It's not like you're going to be living there full time for years on end or anything like that.

 

Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (5:57 PM) : 

;-)

Is there any way to upgrade to a condo in Boca Raton?

 

post a comment