This letter I received today. Explains why stuck with the crumby house on Dagobah, I got. Fair this is not! Read it you can. Sick it makes me.
Tower 4, Jedi Square, Suite 17723
Capitol City, Coruscant 82719AHHB-88361
It has come to our attention that you are not totally pleased with your recent purchase of the residence on Dagobah (Property reference DGB3362). Information about your “blog” came to our attention via one of our associates.
It is our policy here at Galactic Timeshare™ to try and make all of our “family members” as happy as possible with their new purchase. Consequently, I have looked into your situation and found some items that you need to be aware of.
1) As was pointed out to you in your original application, our properties are desired by some of the most affluent people in this parsec. Most of our clients have substantial wealth or higher-than-average incomes to aid with their purchase. You do seem to be lacking any regular income and your property selection was lowered accordingly.
2) As part of your loan application you listed several fellow “Jedi Knights” as references. Further investigation into these persons revealed that none of them meet any of the minimum criteria to own properties, so they are not valid as references.
3) The collateral for your loan was made against your vested interest in the “Midichlorian Retirement Fund”. When we looked into your vestment, the fund manager, a Mr. Windu, informed us that due to lack of funding, the amount you noted in your application did not agree with his records. He then recommended a lower-priced property for your selection.
I have attached all the other correspondence we sent to you during this time, and your final signature is available for your review at the Republic Hall of Records.
On a final note, Mr. Oda, if you are still dissatisfied with your purchase, feel free to exercise your option to forfeit your deposit and back out of the contract.
I do hope that we can come to an acceptable solution, Mr. Oda, and you will refrain from making negative comments on your web site.
Thank you for your patronage,
Mr. Ribone Acturras
Public Relations General Manager
Galactic Timeshare Corp.
The fund manager, a Mr. Windu, informed us that due to lack of funding,... (What?! Good going, Windu! Forget about in my house holding your Promise Keepers' meetings, you can!!)
So angry I am, spit I could! I think that to some Dolly listen and a nice bubble bath take, I will. Too upset to talk anymore right now I am.