Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Ask Yoda

When wise as I am, you are, many questions people ask you. Many questions. Never they stop! Sometimes, at 3:00 in the morning with their questions people call me. No wonder it is, that on top of mountains, so many gurus live! Also, unlisted most gurus' numbers are, so that receive calls in the middle of the night they do not.

So that call me in the middle of the night you do not, starting a regular feature called "Ask Yoda" I am. To askyoda@gmail.com, email your questions you can. Also, in the comments leave your questions you can. Use your full name or email address, or give out your private information, I will not. Guarantee that receive a reply to your email you will I can not. Nor promise to answer every question will I. Edit your comments or emails when quoting them here I may. My blog it is. Do whatever I want, I can.

Here, some of your questions are.

Actual emails...

"Dear Master Yoda,
I have two questions to ask you, so here they are.
#1) How did you become a jedi?
#2) Who trained you?

- Paul K."

Answer: Paul, over 800 years ago that was. Remember what for breakfast this morning I ate, I can not.

Another email...

"waz up yoda im your fav fan plz send back

-Graham R.
darthmaul***@******.com"


Answer:
Graham,

Read your message, I have. At first, a loyal fan you appeared to be.
But then, look at your email address, I did. A Sith Lord you are!

On the other hand, write in complete sentences a Sith Lord would. Punctuation they use, proper spelling too. But instead, like Jar Jar Binks you speak. Very confusing it is.


From your comments...


The Pink Kitty: Can the force take stains out?
Answer: Yes, but take out tough stains only the Force with Extra Whitening Action can. For everything else, the Force with Lemony Mountain Fresh scent I use.

The Truffle: [on possible ways to discipline Young Skywalker] How about having him read to little Padawans and change their diapers?
Answer: Potty-trained before coming to the Academy all Padawans must be. Otherwise get through the application process they will not. Do diapers I do not. Make me gag, they do.

Guinistasia: [same topic] Make him watch nothing but Full House reruns?
Answer: Unfortunately, outlawed in the Republic, cruel and unusual punishment is. Incidentally, so is Full House.

NYPinta: Feed Jar Jar to hungry wookies you should. If he gets killed, is it really your fault?
Answer: Bad for the Wookies that would be. Allergic to idiots, most of them are. Also give them indigestion, it would. Want to be around a Wookie with heartburn, you do not!


If questions for Yoda you have, email him or comment you can.

Comments on "Ask Yoda"

 

Anonymous matt said ... (12:32 AM) : 

Hmm...think of a question I shall.. hope your answers/ advice are better than Miss Cleo. Owe her much money I do.

 

Anonymous Darth WTF said ... (3:19 AM) : 

One wonders, hypothetically, what advice you could give to a young Sith apprentice waiting to rise up and strike down her master?

Thankies!

Darth WTF

 

Blogger trinamick said ... (12:55 PM) : 

Does Kenobi ever walk around the Jedi Temple sans robe? Ask for myself I do not. Curious but afraid to ask NYPinTA is.

 

Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (2:41 PM) : 

Just how far away is a galaxy 'far, far away'?

Can it be reached at warp speed?

 

Anonymous hc_godess said ... (5:32 PM) : 

I do not have a very good grocery store. Even the Walmart around here does not carry The Force with Extra Whitening Action! Complain to the manager, I will.

 

Anonymous twi'lek said ... (6:14 PM) : 

Dear Yoda,

I am wondering why do you abhor the dark side so much? isnt it much cooler with the lightning force?

 

Anonymous bellringr said ... (6:45 PM) : 

eBay is taking over your blog! It blocks out the left side of your text on an 800x600 screen. :( Jedi eyesight I have not!

 

Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (7:08 PM) : 

Wise Master Yoda, if The Six Million Dollar Man were created today, would he be better because of the increase in technology and standardization of parts, or would he be worse because $6 million doesn't get you as far today as it did in the seventies?

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (8:03 PM) : 

Have Young Skywalker circumcised, you should. That will make him far more mature than losing his hand in battle.

 

Anonymous Guinastasia said ... (8:21 PM) : 

Kenobi sans robe? Oh, that I must see.

Full House is outlawed in the Republic? Damn, how does one become a citizen? I am so there!

 

Anonymous hc_godess said ... (9:23 PM) : 

I would also like to see Kenobi sans robe.

 

Blogger The Truffle said ... (10:45 PM) : 

Why do Jedi padawans have those brush cuts with the little braids hanging down?

 

Anonymous anniefan said ... (10:53 AM) : 

mmm, kenobi sans robe is a must. post pics if you manage to get them!

 

Anonymous ryan lublin said ... (6:40 PM) : 

yoda why dont you get glasees for all of the jedi so the darkside would not cloud stuf

 

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