Saturday, July 23, 2005

Case Closed: A Ducky in the Hand....

In the votes are. Conclusive, the results are. And now, the ending that you people chose, here is:

[Transcript continued from the previous post]

MACE WINDU Hold the phone, people, did any of you happen to notice the muddy footprints leading out from Yoda's bathroom and into the backyard?

DEPUTY FIFE Footprints?! I knew there was something I was forgetting to check for! Hold on a minute, I'm gonna write that down for next time.

MACE WINDU Anyway, they lead straight out to that little dog house out back.

MASTER YODA Oh, where I make my stupid intern sleep, that is...Hey...Wait a minute...my stupid intern it was! [Yoda points at Stupid Intern]

YODA'S STUPID INTERN That doesn't prove anything!

DEPUTY FIFE Alright, calm down! Calm down, people! As an officer of the Law, I'm gonna have to conduct an official search of your dog house, I mean bedroo...whatever!...for official evidence of this heinous crime.

YODA'S STUPID INTERN Alright! I confess. [Breaks down] I did it! I stole the monkey's stupid board and toy duck!

DEPUTY FIFE You're under arrest! [Struggles unsuccessfully to remove handcuffs from belt.] Just stand right there with your hands together for a few minutes. Anybody have any duct tape?

MASTER YODA But why, Stupid Intern? Do such a thing why would you? Been so good to you I have.

YODA'S STUPID INTERN Good to me? Good to me?! You call forcing me to sleep in that dog house being good to me? You call making me massage your corns and bunions for five hours at a time being good to me? And the ear cleaning, oh my god, the ear cleaning! You have enough wax in those ears to start your own museum!
And what about all those hours you make me work on your stupid blog? You know how hard it is to take dictation from someone who talks like you? I never know where one sentence ends and the next begins! I mean, you're almost 900 years old, for crying out loud! Learn the freakin' language! But making me write the blog isn't enough! No! You're always like, "Photoshop this picture you must. Look big, it makes my butt."
I have blogs too! I have a life! Do you care? Noooo! It's all about the little green man, all the time, non-stop!

MASTER YODA Come now, Stupid Intern. Be that bad it cannot. Understand why so upset you are, I do not...

YODA'S STUPID INTERN You don't understand why I'm upset?!! Oh, I don't know, could it be because I'm tired of being called Stupid Intern all the time?! Huh? Ya think? I mean, I have a name, for Pete's sake! But I bet you don't even know it. Do you? What's my name? Go ahead, say it! What's my name?!!

MASTER YODA Um...Uh...Ok, just a minute, come to me, it will.

YODA'S STUPID INTERN Thanks to you, I bet none of these other people know my name either! How about it? Does anyone in this room know my name? Anybody?

ANAKIN SKYWALKER Yo, G, I thought you're name was Stupid Intern.

YODA'S STUPID INTERN [Throws hands up] Gaghh!

[DEPUTY FIFE takes
YODA'S STUPID INTERN into custody.]

YODA'S STUPID INTERN And you know what? I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids and that pesky dog!

EVERYBODY Huh?

YODA'S STUPID INTERN Oh, forget it.

[DEPUTY FIFE takes YODA'S STUPID INTERN away.]

MACE WINDU Hold on. Yoda, do you mean to tell me that you never noticed those muddy footprints, even though they've been there for four days?

MASTER YODA Yes, notice them I did. I suppose, followed them to see where they went, I could have. Looking back at it now, maybe a good idea that would have been. Hmm, yes.

ANAKIN SKYWALKER
That's whack, yo! All those electro-shock treatments fo' nuthin?! Not cool, yo, not cool.

OBI-WAN KENOBI I kinda liked it.

And there you go. The ending you voted for. Happy now you are? Now an intern I have not. Maybe force what's-his-name to be my intern as part of his community service I can. Better than picking up Wookie poo at the park, it would be.

By the way, here the final results are. Know what to make of this vote, my stupid intern did not. Very surprised he was.


















Oh, and to the 3% of you people who for the bottom choice, voted - see it you cannot, but sticking my tongue out at you I am. Vewy faw oud, sdigging id I ab! *Phblllttt!* (A sound effect, that was.) Hmph!

Comments on "Case Closed: A Ducky in the Hand...."

 

Blogger jedisiri said ... (4:32 AM) : 

i am a bit surprised...i really don't think the stupid intern would do something like this! god bless him ...

 

Blogger Draco-7 said ... (5:01 AM) : 

I could have sworn it was Colonel Mustard...

 

Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said ... (9:04 AM) : 

Darn it. Now I have to get a new spy for the Jedi Temple. That stupid intern had a perfect cover, but then he had to go and blow it.

Perhaps I could talk to that Anakin fellow...if he could only be turned...

 

Anonymous The Jedi Princess said ... (9:40 AM) : 

Uhh "Palps"? Didn't ya just blow your own cover?


Anakin-A word of advice, don't accept anything from strangers. Palpatine may not be a stranger but he is strange.

 

Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (10:02 AM) : 

Do you think the intern will get parole?

 

Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said ... (1:35 PM) : 

When you said the footprints led to the doghouse, I first though that it might have been Tiger. Remember when he took Kitty Karryall?

 

Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said ... (2:08 PM) : 

Jedi Princess...the dark side clouds everything...*evil laugh*

 

Blogger j00|{z said ... (2:31 PM) : 

Maybe you could get a monkey butler to type for you.

 

Blogger Yaddle said ... (2:51 PM) : 

Vindication, this is!

 

Blogger Anakin Skywalker said ... (3:20 PM) : 

Sorry bout your intern, Yodes. Maybe you can get a Youngling to do it, G. They all be upright citizens or whatevs. Plus it would be fun to watch you torture em.

 

Blogger Geewhiz said ... (5:45 PM) : 

Hey Anakin - would you like to be Yoda's intern?

(I though not.)

 

Blogger Jenn said ... (6:17 PM) : 

I'd be the intern, you people make me look absolutely sane. That is not an easy job. Poor stupid intern *hides her ballot where she voted for him* I am sorry to see him go.

 

Anonymous Wedge Antillies said ... (6:38 PM) : 

Now that that is overwith, maybe you can get back to the business of keeping peace in the Republic! I am sure something nefarious has occurred while you worried about using the 'facilities'. All this fuss over a lousy hunk of wood ?!?

 

Anonymous porn kid said ... (9:33 PM) : 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 

Blogger Barriss Offee said ... (10:35 PM) : 

Dude, that is NOT cool!

I still say you should have hired Briscoe.

 

Blogger Heather said ... (12:58 AM) : 

Yoda, I love your blog. It always makes me smile :-)

 

Blogger General Grievous said ... (5:05 AM) : 

Hey green monkey.... I'll lend you a droid for your personal assistant if you want *cough*

 

Anonymous The Jedi Princess said ... (2:46 PM) : 

Hey Yoda-Palpatine is a Sith Lord.

(Ha, I said it, how can the Dark Side cloud that?)

 

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