The Petition

Left under my door, this was. Petition to Oppose the Purchase of One Pooper Scooter by Jedi Master Yoda To: Master Yoda, Jedi Order, henceforth referred to as "Petitionee" We, the undersigned, after long enduring the Petitionee's unnatural preoccupation with the movements of said Petitionee's bowels, as well as the forced participation in the Guess Who Farted tounaments, the interruption of the lives of all of the undersigned when said Petitionee's toilet board was stolen, the required classes in colon cleansing, the lingering and malicious odor left in the Temple restrooms after said Petitionee has used them, followed by the insistance on the part of the Petitionee that any unfortunate passerby, quote, "Come here, at this look. Look healthy to you that does?", the "presents" left as retribution in the shoes, locker, hat, etc, of anyone who has committed a minor grievance against said Petitionee, the unwillingness of said Petitionee to clean up after one Chewbacca the Wookie after the Petitionee has taken said Wookie for a walk, the excessive number of posts in the Petitionee's blog regarding the above matters, do hereby insist on the following: 1) That the Petitionee immediately cease and desist the purchase of one "PooperScooter", in recognition of the Undersigned's right to walk through the Jedi Temple without having to look at said Petitionee while said Petitionee's robe is hiked up around the Petitionee's waist and said Petitionee's pants are down around the Petitionee's ankles, or while said Petitionee does said Petitionee's business. 2) That, as said Petitionee's blog is now required reading for all Temple staff, the Petitionee either rescind the requirement to read said blog, or immediately cease and desist the writing of posts revolving around the expulsion of gas, the movement of bowels, the droppings of Wookies, the cutting of cheese, the leaving of presents, the making of "windies", the tooting of "toots", the pooting of "poots", the eating of beans (and the residual effects), the launching of "air biscuits", or any other verbiage we haven't thought of that can be used to refer to you-know-what. Signed it was by all 500 Jedi, every single Padawan, the Temple janitorial staff, several tourists visiting the temple, and the guys who wash the Temple windows. Also, I hear that considering a motion to amend the Republic's Constitution, the Galactic Senate is. Called the PooperScooter/Green Jedi Master Amendment, it will be. Hmph! No respect I get.