Sunday, March 26, 2006

Guest Poster - Mace Windu [Topic: Reflections]

I want to put the rest of the Jedi on notice here and now that my head is no longer to be used as your personal mirror. Do not ask me to lean closer so that you can check your hair (I am talking to you, Anakin!), your make-up (ahem, Yaddle), or whether the contents of your dinner managed to make it all the way into your mouth instead of on your face (I think we all know who I am talking about here). As you all know, I carry no less than three real mirrors in the pockets of my robe at all times. You are more than welcome to use these, though I don't know why you can't just carry your own mirrors. But you will no longer be allowed to check your reflection on my head. To be used this way is demeaning, deflating, demoralizing, and destabilitizing.

I worked long and hard to make my pretty cranium the shiny, reflective thing of beauty that it is. I did not work so hard so that every yahoo with a zit on his nose could come along and make me wait while he pops it. It's humiliating, man!

Just yesterday, the little green man and I were eating at that hot dog stand down the street. As usual, I was having my tofu dog with organically produced ketchup and mustard, because my body is a temple, man. Of course, Yoda was having his disgusting chili dog topped with every artery-clogging substance he could find. Yoda's body is not a temple, man. It's fallen-down tool shed at best. Anyway, I made a mistake that day.

"Yoda, you have a chili bean on your face." I shouldn't have said it, but I did. I couldn't help it man! He was just sitting there, all through lunch with that chili bean sitting on the corner of his mouth, trying to talk to me about troop deployments and padawan training initiatives. It was making me sick!

"Get it did I?"

"No. It's on the right side of your mouth."

"Get it now, did I?"

"Your other right, man."


"No. A little higher."

"Useless this is. Down here, bend."

"No, now come on!"

"Down here, bend."

"But I have actual mirrors you can borrow. There is no need..."

"Down here, bend, I said, Doofus! Want a Force-wedgie, do you?"

Why I put up with this indignity, I don't know:

In case you care (and I don't know why you would), Yoda will be back to talk to you people tomorrow.


Comments on "Guest Poster - Mace Windu [Topic: Reflections]"


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (1:58 PM) : 

If you want them to leave you alone stop the waxing, polishing and buffing your scalp man!


Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said ... (5:13 PM) : 

Oh talk about the cat calling the kettle black. Every mission I have done with Master Windu, we are forced to shine our helmets to a high luster. Then he "reviews" the troops by walking down the line muttering "Dang, I am a pretty, pretty man", all the while looking at himself in our helmets.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (5:28 PM) : 

Kinda makes ya wanna see if ya can reflect a laser beam offa the sucker.

Good Thing all us Hutts Got Pretty Hair.


Blogger JawaJuice said ... (6:34 PM) : 

Thank goodness it was only a reflection. For a moment I thought you put a tattoo of Yoda’s face on your head.
Which would beg the next question of why you would put his face on your head….but I won’t ask.


Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (8:31 PM) : 

Well, it could be worse. That could have been Kenobi's face.


Anonymous medrewnotyou said ... (2:01 AM) : 

I, for one, admire a man who isn't afraid to compensate for certain lacks by phallasizing his head. It's truth in advertising. The women know that they get a pretty face and a shiny head and nothing else. Mace Windu is a man who doesn't have to worry about diappointing his date.

When he can find one.


Blogger Vegeta said ... (4:08 AM) : 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


Blogger Vegeta said ... (4:09 AM) : 

but being mirror head, is an actual useful talent unlike the buns of steel thing,


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:16 AM) : 

LOL at Vegeta.. I agree


Blogger Wedge Antillies said ... (10:10 AM) : 

I don't know, Vegeta, the Stell Buns seems much more useful that a shiney head. But then, I spend most of my time sitting down.

Mr. Windu, I appreciate your degredation at the hands of a senior officer. It has happened to me many times.

Thanks for subbing for Mr. Yoda.


Blogger Genral Nuts said ... (10:21 PM) : 

Could you lean over a bit..?


Blogger Royn-Ber Wendjaifa said ... (6:42 PM) : 

Are your wise words no longer to be used as a mirror for princes? Well, maybe at least that is beginning to progress beyond what is not acceptable to those who find this sort of thing quite unacceptable anyway...


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