Guest Poster: Mace Windu [Topic: Humiliated, Invalidated, Deflated, and Emaciated]
Wait! If you haven't read yesterday's post about the Annual Jedi Academy Awards, read that first, fool!
I have been robbed. I have been robbed, humiliated, invalidated, deflated, and emaciated. You know what I mean. No doubt you watched the farce, the joke, the charade known as the Annual Jedi Academy Awards - a despicable event which I shall forever boycott and rail against with every last drop of strength I can muster.
The one category which belonged to me, the one event which should have been mine, for it is my birthright, went to a pretender. Yes, I am talking about the "Shiniest, Prettiest, Bald Head Category". I was robbed! I am the one truly deserving of that award, not this man!:
Ki Adi Mundi no more deserves this award than Atilla the Hun would deserve the Nobel Peace Prize! He may be bald, but he is neither pretty nor shiny. In fact, he looks more like these people:
They are from the Planet France, I understand. And if I'm not mistaken, he may be related:
But forget that! Compare his dull, lifeless noggin to my beautiful shiny cranium:
There is no comparison, man! Look at the glare coming off of my head! Just don't look directly at it, unless you want to damage your retina.
This is serious to me, man. I'll tell you why. You see, during that period of my life when I had left the Jedi Order, I fell in love, man. It was deep, hard love, the kind of love that just eats up your insides until the only thing left is the love. Do you understand? Probably not.
This woman I was in love with, she was a thing of beauty. Just look at her:
I won't tell you her full name, so let's just call her "Miss P". Isn't she beautiful?! What man wouldn't be in love with her? My soul ached for her, man. But it was not to be. She said she could never be with a man who neglected his skin care the way I was doing. You see, this was before I had discovered the value of proper skin care. I was so busy being a macho, rugged, bad mammer jammer, that I didn't even bother to think about my skin care. So she rejected me, man.
When that happened, I can truthfully say, my spirit was broken. It broke me, man. It's like someone took my soul and ripped it in two. Sniff. Excuse me, I need a second.
OK, I'm alright now. From that point on, I was determined to be the kind of man that would be deserving of my one true love. That's why this award was so important to me, man. Don't you see? I thought if maybe, I had this award, I could go find her and show her that I am at last truly worthy of her affections. But that heinous body of criminals know as the Awards Committee has kept me down, man. I shall not forgive them.
I don't know how it could possibly matter, but Yoda will back to talk to you people tomorrow.
Oh, Yoda wanted me to remind you to voteon his "Best of Master Yoda" poll if you haven't already. Just look for the ones that begin with "Guest Poster: Mace Windu". Everything else is a waste of time.