Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Guest Poster: Anakin Skywalker [This Ain't Funny, Yo!]


I'm about to bust a cap up in here, yo. I ain't jokin' neither. I am mad, yo.

Check it - this mornin' I goes into the bathroom, right? I gots to take care of my hair and junk 'cause the Chosen One's gots to represent, know what I'm sayin'? So I take out my chest of hair accoutrementizzies - my stylin' gel, my sculpting gel, my conditionin' gel, my setting gel, my 12 different kinds of shampoo, 14 different kinds of conditioner, my stylin foam, my stylin' spray, my firm hold spray, my oil sheen spray, my curl activator, my hair mask treatment, my moisture retainer, my aroma oil, my big brush, my little brush, my medium-size brush, my back-up medium-size brush, my plastic comb set, my steel comb set, my 12-volt hair dryer, my travel hair dryer, and... it ain't there, yo! Why you askin' what ain't there? It obvious from what I just said, yo. What's missin' from all that spit I just listed, yo? My curlin' iron, yo!

This gots me all panicin' and spit, and the Chosen One don't panic or nuthin'. Yo, I brought the smack-down on all kindsa bad Sith lords and junk. I can hang, yo. But don't nobody mess with the Chosen One's hair. Nobody.

So I'm runnin' around, no, I'm walkin around ('cause running around in a panic ain't cool, yo), askin' everybody if they seen my curlin' iron and spit. And I'm gettin mad, yo, 'cause ain't nobody sayin nothin and I knows sumbody gots to know sumthin'.

I even asked the little green riddle monkey. He was all, "Seen I have not. Bother me do not. Sleep-, uh, meditating I am."

And I believes him, yo, 'cause if he had my curlin' iron he'd be all smackin' me with it and junk. But bein' the little green riddle monkey, he cain't just say, 'I ain't seen it'. Nah, he gots to be all up in my grill, "Too much time on your hair you spend. Some time away from the mirror you should take."

But I ain't tryin to hear that, yo. Yeah, I could be like the little green riddle monkey and completely give up on tryin' to look good, yo, but I ain't. So I keep lookin'.

Finally, I comes to the Temple parkin' garage, there's that little Harvey the Younglin' dude usin' my curlin' iron on Bob the Bantha! I about took a lightsaber to him right there, yo! I mean, I wouldn't do nothin' like that, but I was feelin' it, know what I'm sayin'? What makes it so bad is that my curlin iron is the kind with the little spikes comin' out and junk that brushes the hair and spit. So now, I got smelly Bantha hair all up in my curlin iron, yo! Man, I gots to go slaughter some sand people or sumthin'. Yeah, that'll make me feel better.

Yo, the little green riddle monkey'll be back to talk to you guys tomorrow.

.

Comments on "Guest Poster: Anakin Skywalker [This Ain't Funny, Yo!]"

 

Blogger JawaJuice said ... (1:42 PM) : 

I think that bantha could use some of that shampoo and aroma oil too.
You got plenty, right?
You should also learn to relax around the younglings. They're already worried that you're gonna come by one night and chop their heads off or something.
Silly idea, of course, but you know how imaginative they are at that age.

 

Blogger Jango Fett said ... (5:07 PM) : 

Wow you have a lot of Gel and Shampoo. No wonder you have nice wavy hair.

 

Blogger Jabafatboy said ... (8:41 PM) : 

What happens when ya get the curlin Iron ahold of yer ears ?


No wonder the Jedi are dying out, to busy trying ta look cool

 

Blogger Dark Jedi Kriss said ... (11:33 PM) : 

Hum, I was wondering what up with your hair when I passed ya in the hall, Ani. Explains that.

 

Anonymous medrewnotyou said ... (11:35 PM) : 

Poor Bob... Someone needs to de-cootify him now.


I call not me!

 

Blogger Professor Xavier said ... (5:48 AM) : 

Well I have something that should cheer you up. According to that ancient sacred tome The TV Guide, you are destined to have a son who shall star in his own television series about his early years, and the show is guaranteed to run for at least 100 episodes. Congratulations!

 

Blogger Jaina Solo said ... (10:09 AM) : 

Three words: Get Out More!
If you spent as much time practicing your lightsabre skills as you do infront of the mirror you would rival Master Yoda.

 

Blogger Wedge Antillies said ... (10:30 AM) : 

Jaina, that is no way to talk to your grandfather! Yes we all know he is a self-centered, egotistical, and a soon-to-be mass murderer, but he is also just a lost little boy with really geat hair.

*WTF am I talking about?!? *

 

Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said ... (12:35 PM) : 

If you take that Bantha ahir and wash it seveal time, you cna make an Anakin wig. You might not need it now, but who knowwhen you'll lose your own hair. Just a suggestion

 

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