Last week, I shared with you people a little about the wonder, splendor, and beauty that is my body. I allowed you a glimpse of that which I can only describe as my "buns of steel". I described to you in detail the incredible attributes of my powerful posterior.
Now, I'm going to tell you about another part of my magnificient mortal coil - my beautiful bald head. Yes, I've talked about it before. I explained in detail my strict moisturizing regimen. I've spoken at length about all of the shaving, waxing, polishing, and buffing that is necessary to maintain this level of shininess. When I see my reflection and gaze upon the beauty of my shiny cranium, I know that all of those hours I've spent with my head in that belt-driven bowling ball buffer were worth it.
But today, I want to talk to you about another important aspect of my beautiful shiny head. And let me tell you, there are many important aspects. But I want to focus on a single adjective that can be used to describe my wonderful noggin - aerodynamic. That's right. The smooth surface of my pretty head is perfectly aerodynamic!
We've done the appropriate wind-tunnel tests to confirm this. And for comparison, we conducted the same tests on Anakin. Of course, to acquire all of the required data, it was necessary to keep him in that wind-tunnel until he passed out. Alright, maybe it wasn't necessary. But it made me smile. And believe me, a smile on this beautiful face has become a pretty rare sight since I started living with Yoda.
In any event, the results were clear - this is one aerodynamic cranium sitting on these manly shoulders! Yes sir! My head can cut through wind like hot knife cutting through butter! As you can imagine, the day we got those test results back were one of the proudest days of my life.
Of course, we've yet to come up with any practical use for this information - yet. But you just wait until a hurricane or tornado comes through and little Timmy is stuck inside a building that's about to fall down, but no one can get to him because the wind is just too strong. Who are you going to call? Some punk that calls himself the "Chosen One"? Please, the wind would get stuck in all of that sculpting gel he puts in that hair. No, there's only one man for this job, Mace "Wind Head" Windu. Why? Because I...am...the Man! Yes sir!
Yoda will be back to talk to you people tomorrow. That is, if he can make it here on time, with all of the wind resistance just slamming up against that knobbly old head of his.