Saturday, April 30, 2005

Care What I Wear Why Do You?

Often this comment people make to me, "Yoda, every day the same clothes you wear." Well, finding adult clothes that fit me you try! Make fancy suits for someone who is 2' 2" tall Armani does not!

Tired of shopping at Baby Gap I am too. Stand the mothers who shop there I cannot. Always wanting to pinch my cheeks they are. "Oh look how cute is he! How adorable!" Almost 900 years have I lived, a powerful Jedi am I. Cute or adorable I am not! Live without people pinching my cheeks I can!

So live with the same robe everday I will. Just fine it is with me. If like it others do not, their problem it is.

Gary Coleman, if reading this you are, where shop do you for clothes?

Friday, April 29, 2005

Attention Young Skywalker:

Attention Young Skywalker - calling me your "little green monkey" you will stop! Old am I, but kick your butt I still can! Too big you are not! Even if the Chosen One you are, care I do not!

Know what I am going to do with the boy I do not. Tell him anything you can not. Every time the airspeeder he borrows, another scratch or dent it comes back with. No longer afford the insurance I can. Think I'm a bank he seems to. Always asking for money he is. Grow on trees money does not!

All the time listen to Kenobi I have to about how close to the Dark Side the boy is becoming. Well I say have him the Dark Side can! Put up with his crap let them for a change! Worth the trouble he is not!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Dagobah Time Share For Sale

A stupid thing I did. Heard about those time share properties have you? Well, suckered into buying one I was. Developed "buyer's remorse" I have.

In some place called Dagobah it is. Nice in the brochure it looked. Described as "beautiful waterfront bungalow" it was. Not until after I signed the papers, see my place did I. Anything like the brochure it is not! See for yourself you can. From the brochure the picture on the left is. The one on the right the real one is.

Yoda's Time Share

For an hour to the sales rep I listened. All over we rode on his little golf cart. Showed me several properties did he, but show me any on the swamp he did not!

Bought a dump I have! Far away from the community pool this place is. Close to the Laundromat it is not. Bad for my Asthma swamp air is. Cough up phlegm it makes me. An interesting tree growing in the backyard there is, though.

Know do you anyone who likes swamps? Tell them a good deal I will make them.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Windu's Stubble

Bald I know I am. Need to be reminded contstantly I do not. Tried Rogaine I have. Too smelly it was. Tried those little pills I have. Like those "low-risk" side effects I did not!

Yet jokes even Mace Windu makes. Like room to talk he has! Fooling anyone he is not by shaving his head. Stubble he has on the sides. But stubble on top he does not have. See this everyone can.

Mace Windu's Stubble

Be clearly seen from this picture it cannot. Take this with one of those disposable cameras I did. Cheap it was. Buy it at Wal-Mart I did. But stubble Windu has. Take my word for it you can.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Have My Grand Slam I Must

Yesterday, eating breakfast at Denny's I was. Go there a lot I do. The senior's discount I get, so money I save.

"See your I.D. may I?" the waitress asked. Ringing up my bill she was. At first, flattered I was. But then, leaving my driver's license in my other robe I remembered! How embarassing. She said give me the senior's discount she could not if have my I.D. I did not.

Reasoning with her I tried. "For 800 years, qualified for the discount I have been!"

Listen she would not. "Make the rules I do not," she said.

Use the Jedi Mind Trick on her I had to. Have my Grand Slam I must. Pay full price I will not.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Have It Coming He Did

Go to Six Flags today with Kenobi I did. Pooped I am. Have a good time I did not. Bring the brat Kenobi did.

Ride most of the rides I could not. Reach the "Be This Tall You Must" line I could not. Stop making short jokes young Skywalker would not. "Stand up you should. Oh, standing up you are." So original he is.

Use the Force on him he made me. Spill his giant grape Slurpee on his new Jedi robe I made him. Have it coming he did.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Nothing Wrong With the Way I Talk There Is

A problem with the way I talk Windu and Kenobi have. "Need speech therapy or grammar lessons you do." Recommend Jar Jar Bink's therapist they did. Some nerve they have!

Need speech therapy I do not. Need a good butt-whooping Windu and Kenobi do. Just the guy to do it too I am. Want a piece of me you do? Want a piece of me you do?!! Think so I did not.

Been speaking this way for almost 900 years I have. Know what do they? A couple of jerks they are.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Blow It Off I Will

Taking too long this dumb report is. Take my life back I must. Put today's date on an old report I will. Know the difference Windu and Kenobi will not. Too bright they are not.

If like it the Council does not, kiss my butt they can. Lazy I am, care I do not.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Sith Lord Bill Gates

Working on spreadsheet reports for the Jedi Council I am. Very difficult it is! Mastered the entire force I have, but do simple pie charts I cannot!

Drive me crazy Excel will! Think about taking a lightsaber to Sith Lord Bill Gates' head it makes me! Careful! Succumb to the Dark Side I must not!