Extreme Makeover: Home Edition - Dagobah (Part 2)
Continued from yesterday's post
Hey guys, Ty Pennington here again. As you can see, we've still got a lot of work to do on Yoda's house before he comes back from Dollywood! We've got big plans for it! We've got to completely demolish this place and make it bantha-friendly! We're going to add on two more stories, a speeder garage, a bedroom for Bob the Bantha, and a whole bunch of cool stuff! This place is gonna rock! Have I mentioned how excited I am?
Let's see how everybody's doing:
Ty: [into megaphone] Paul, how's the furniture coming along? Have you got that one-foot-tall pool table built yet?
Paul (Carpentry/Nuts & Bolts): You know, the megaphone bit is getting a little old.
Ty: [into megaphone] Come on, Paul! I thought you'd be farther along by now! Let's go!
Paul: Farther along? Farther along?! Look who you sent to help me!:
Paul: How do you expect me to get anything done like this?
Ty: [into megaphone] That's not my problem! Come on! Let's go! Let's go!
[runs frenetically to Michael (Designer Interior/Glamour)] Michael! What's the hold up? lets's go! Come on!
Michael: Hey, I was going to tour the swamp to find some nice swampy things to use in decorating the house, but this place is so gross! Who knew there'd be so much mud in a swamp! I mean, eww! Just look at my shoes!
Ty: Ok, well it's not going so well here. Let's see how Yoda's doing at Dollywood:
Ty: Great! He looks like he's having an awesome time! Let's give him a call and tell him how things are going here.
[on phone] Yoda! It's Ty!
Yoda: [on phone] Hello, Ty.
Ty: How are things going in Dollywood? You having a great time?
Yoda: Seen Dolly I have not. Supposed to be here sometime, is she? To meet her I would...
Ty: Hey, we're picking out the carpet for your living room and I need your opinion. Would you like bright orange or school bus yellow?
Yoda: What?! No, like either...
Ty: Sorry, Yoda, you're breaking up. I gotta go. Have a great time! [hangs up phone] Ha! Ha! Man, I love messin' with people! It's fun!
Ty: Holy smokes! We've got two hours until Yoda and Bob come home!
[Into megaphone] Two hours, people! Two hours!!
[Runs frantically over to the landscaping crew.] [Into megaphone] Two hours!! Come on, lay that turf!! Lay it!! Lay it!! Two hours!! Two hours!!
[Does cartwheels over to Constance] [Into megaphone] Two hours!! We have to get this done in two hours, people!!
[Walks on hands over to Michael and shouts into megaphone.] Come on!! Move it!! Move it!! We've got two hours! Let's go!!
[Leaps on top of a giant pile of lumber. Does a backflip off of the pile and onto Paul's work bench. Shouts into megaphone.] Two hours!! We've got -
Paul: [Yanks megaphone from Ty's hand, throws it to the ground and crushes it with his foot.]
Ty: Hey, that was my megaphone, dude. That wasn't cool. But it doesn't matter, because I always carry a spare! [Into megaphone] Two hours, people!
Later, Yoda's and Bob's Arrival
Ty: Wooooo!!!! Welcome back, Yoda! Are you ready to see your new house!
Yoda: Yes, ready I am.
Ty: [Into megaphone] Bus driver, move that bus!!
[Bus tires spin in mud. Bus does not move forward]
Ty: [Into megaphone] I said, bus driver, move that bus!!
[Bus spins tires again. No forward movement.]
Ty: OK, Guys! The bus is stuck! Come on! Let's try to push it out!
Yoda: Do or do not. There is no try.
[Cast and crew gather at the back of the bus and push. After an hour, they give up.]
Ty: It's too big.
Yoda: Size matters not. [Waves hand. Moves bus out of the way with the Force. Yoda's house is revealed.]
Ty: So, Yoda, whatta ya think, man?!
Yoda: Uh, exactly the same as before, it looks.
Ty: Yeah, here's the thing - we're all afraid of snakes. Every last one of us. And you're place is crawlin' with them! There's no way I'm going near that place!
Ty: But hey, that's not all we had planned! Like we bought all these cool appliances and electronics for you from Sears!
Yoda: Ok, then, not so bad...
Ty: Yeah, but the truck that was delivering them got stuck in the mud miles away from here. They had to use the jumbo-screen HD plasma TV as a ramp to get the truck out.
Ty: But hey, don't worry, Big Guy. We put together a special surprise for you. We heard how much you love Dolly Parton...
Yoda: [Gasping] Here, Dolly is?!!
Ty: Well, that's what he had planned. But it turns out she's afraid of snakes too. So we got someone else to sing for us:
Hasselhoff: Hey, Yoda, old Buddy. This next song's especially for you.
Ty: So whatta ya think, Yoda? Is this cool or what?
Yoda: Want to know what I think, do you? [Waves hand.]
Ty: Ow! Hey, how did my Calvin Klein bikini thong ride up so far all of the sudden?
[Constance, Paul, and Michael start to cry sentimentally as David Hasselhoff sings "Everybody Sunshine".]
Michael: It's really a great feeling to be able to change someone's life like this. Even though we did absolutely nothing for Yoda, I think he's really grateful. You could see it in his eyes. [Starts to cry.]
Constance: When David Hasselhoff came out and sang "Everybody Sunshine", I thought we were all going to lose it. It was so special. This is something Yoda and Bob will never forget. [Starts to cry.]
Paul: I'm serious. If Pennington doesn't lose that &@*$ megaphone, I'm quitting. I don't give a crap.
Ty: Just to see everyone come together to help this family, even though we didn't do anything, just makes it all worthwhile. It was well worth the Force-wedgie. I'd do it all over again.
Yoda: Want me to say what, do you? Understand I do not... Say what, did you? To talk about how grateful I am you want me? Grateful? Grateful for what I am supposed to be?! Dollywood? A life time pass I already have. Been there 10 time this year already I have.
The same stupid house I have. Get to meet Dolly I did not. To a Hasselhoff concert you subjected me. Grateful you should be if give you a Force-wedgie I do not!