Today I was watchin that there Entertainment Tonight 'cause it's about the only news show I understand. It's got real important news, too. It's got stuff I care about, and not none of that borin government stuff.
Well anyway, I just turned it on and they was talkin about Jessica Simpson and that young feller splittin up. 'Course, people been talkin about that for a long time now, gettin my hopes up and what-not, but now it's real official-like. They signed papers and everything.
'Course, the only thing I could think the whole time was, "Now's my big chance." I mean I been waitin for this ever since Jessica and that feller got hitched. Before she did that, I was even writin letters to her askin her to wait. I told her she should save herself for me, 'cause it would be worth it and all.
But she didn't listen and married that feller anyway. Now this happened, but I knowed it would. 'Cause me and her was meant to be together. It's our, what-ya-call, "density". (That there word means it's bound to happen, no matter what.)
'Course, all us Jedi take this oath against that kinda stuff. The book says, "A Jedi must not know fear, love, attachment" and what-not. But heck with that! I mean, look at her!
(By the way, that ain't really me in the picher. You probably cain't tell, but I cut out a picher of my head and taped over the head of that feller Jessica married.)
But as I was sayin, it's our density to be together, and she knows it too. I know she knows it. I could see how she feels about me cause I could read between the lines in them letters she wrote me. When she would say stuff like, "Please stop writing me ten letters a day," and "I will not send you a lock of my hair. Please quit asking," I could tell how much she loves me. And I know that there restrainin order had to be that feller's doin', cause she wants us to be together.
I would treat her real good, too. I wouldn't never make no fun of her like that feller did when she was confused about that there tuna fish. I mean, it was a good question! The can says "Chicken of the Sea"! Is it chicken, or is it tuna? I didn't know neither! So Jessica, I understand you, Darlin. And I'm comin, just as soon as I can figure out a way to reach you without gettin throwed in jail.