Guest Poster - Mace Windu [Topic: Million Pretty Man March]

I am mad at you people. I am mad, hurt, upset, mortified, and transmogrified. I have been ignored, betrayed, put upon, spat upon, and sat upon. You don't know what I'm talking about do you? You know, that just makes it hurt even more. Here's the deal. I have been planning this Million Pretty Man March on Coruscant for an entire year. Don't tell me you didn't hear about it. I sent each of you twenty different fliers. I know you had to get at least one. But if you want to make me jump through hoops for you, that's OK. I'll tell you what this event was going to be about. It was going to be glorious. Picture it - a million or more men who aren't afraid to proclaim their own prettiness in one unified voice to the entire galaxy converging on the Senate Lawn in a show of transendantly beautiful solidarity. There were going to be speeches - that's right, we were going to speechify upon our prettiness. I made up signs and everything. There were going to be balloons and streamers and confetti. It was going to be the one event that would bring the important issues of skin care and head shininess to people's attention. Just think of all those shiny heads glistening at once! How could the world ignore that? But a million men didn't show up. You know how many people showed up? Three. And that's counting me and the elderly couple who had come just to feed the squirrels. But they had the decency to listen to my speeches, or at least the first three speeches. They ran out of peanuts after that. But even though you don't deserve it, I'm going to bestow upon you the privelege of reading my keynote address. That's right, here are my speech notes from the main speech of the day, delivered by the keynote speaker of the event - me. Million Pretty Man March Keynote Address I Am A Man by Mace Windu As the Sun rises on a new day and shines upon my beautiful scalp, exposing my prettiness to the world once more, I face the day. I face the Sun. And I say to both "I Am A Man" [Pause for thunderous applause.] [This might take a few minutes.] [Continue once the applause has died down to a mild roar.] I look upon you, my beautiful brothers and I see a sea of prettiness. I look upon you, my beautiful brothers and I see an ocean of head-shininess. I look upon you, my beautiful brothers and I see an army of manly men, manly men who aren't afraid of their own prettiness. I look upon you, my beautified brethern, and I see my pretty comrades, my pretty comrades who aren't afraid to say with me, I Am A Man. [Don't forget to wait for applause.] For many of us, we may be prettier than our wives or girlfriends. We know that is not to be feared. Co-workers and classmates may be threatened by our beauty. We are not deterred. Other men, in their jealousy may mock or ridicule us. We are not afraid. We do not shy away from our prettiness because of such transitory considerations. We do not shy away from our prettiness because we are strong - strong in our prettiness. Our prettiness is our strength. Our strength is our prettiness. And when some may try to deny us our right to our own prettiness, we face them. We stand strong against those who oppose our prettiness. And with one voice we tell them, "You shall not deny me my prettiness. You shall not deny me my beauty. You shall not deny me the fruitage of my skin regimen. No, not now, not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, not next year, not any time, because I Am A Man." And a pretty one, at that. [If the crowd applauds for longer than 20 minutes, signal for them to quiet down so that the next speaker can be introduced.] I hope you people see what you missed! I spoke for eight hours delivering speeches much like that, and you missed it. I thought you would join me in my pretty man revolution. But I guess not. Yoda will be back to talk to you people tomorrow. Personally, I don't see why he bothers.