Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Guest Poster - Obi-Wan Kenobi [Topic: Let's Settle This Here Thing]

I don't usually write no posts on Yoda's blog 'cause, well, mainly he tells me not to come near it. Me and computers don't get along so good. Course, me and writin' don't neither. Or spellin'. Or words in general much. So I guess he don't trust me none. Not like he trusts that Stupid Intern feller he keeps beatin' up all the time. That's a perty smart guy right there. Kinda funny-lookin, though.

Anyhow, I decided to write to youns here cause I think we need to get a couple of things straight. First off, this whole thing about me and Cheetos. Them fellers at the Temple is always makin' jokes about me and Cheetos. And everybody who talks about me in their blogs has got to make some crack about the Cheetos too.

Well yeah, I like Cheetos. I like them a lot. But let me tell youns something - a Cheeto is your friend. That's what I said. You can always count on a Cheeto. A Cheeto won't never let you down. Even if you drop it in between the sofa cushions and don't find it until six months later when you're doin' your yearly mandatory room cleaning - it's still crunchy. And it still tastes good too. And that orange stuff that gets all over your fingers? Well that's the gift that keeps on givin, ain't it?

See now, a Cheeto won't stop listenin' to you and start treatin' you like you're stupid just cause he knows all these fancy Force moves and has to save your life every time you go on a mission together. A Cheeto ain't like that.

A Cheeto won't spray you with no pressure-washer and say stuff like "Being a doofus you are" just cause you like to watch wrestlin 18 hours a day. A Cheeto won't judge you about you wearin wrestlin tights around the house or watchin "Ernest Goes to Camp" (which is the best movie ever made) for the 45th time.

Most of all, a Cheeto won't do stuff like this to you:

See, now that just ain't right. I know you seen this here picture before. But I wanted to show youns it again, because a Cheeto won't never do nothin like that to you. It won't.

Another thing - people think just cause I don't use a bunch a big, fancy words that I don't never think about important stuff. Well, that ain't true neither. I think about important stuff all the time. Just the other day, I was watchin the nature channel, cause Yoda told me our cable company wasn't carryin' the wrestlin' channel no more, but it was and he was lyin'. Anyway, it had this real interestin' show about how this professor lady is teachin this monkey named Koko how to talk in Sign Language:

And all I could think the whole time was, "That poor, deaf monkey." So I started thinkin about all kinds of ways to raise some money to maybe get the monkey a hearing aid or somethin to help her hear better. Then Yoda he explained to me how the monkey ain't really deaf or even hard-of-hearin, or nothin. Course, that was after I already talked to all them fellers at the Temple about how we needed to help this poor deaf monkey. See, a Cheeto won't make fun of you for somethin like that.

Anyhow, that's all I got for now. Yoda'll be back here tomorrow I guess. So see youns later. Have a good one.

Comments on "Guest Poster - Obi-Wan Kenobi [Topic: Let's Settle This Here Thing]"


Blogger Haris said ... (6:15 AM) : 

If a cheeto is your friend how come he makes you fat. Anyway, you shoudl listen to Yoda he knows what is best (besides he is a bit old he might kick the bucket any day soon and if Number One from the Alan Ford comics is anything to go by he is rooling in the money, he just doesnt let on to it, so you should treat him nicely and he might leave it all to you, than you could buy a whole factory of cheetos, of my a factory of cheetos ooaoaoaoa, comences drooling). In conclusion Master Yoda is the smatrest most powerfull creature in the known universe. (My name is Haris, it is spelled with one R I live in bosnia and I acceopt money from dead Jedi Masters in case you were wondeing Master Yoda) Also I am back from my vacation and have posted a bunch of posts so please do drop by.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (6:24 AM) : 

Obi-Wan is a hottie!


Blogger jedisiri said ... (6:33 AM) : 

so you mean cheeto is like a piece of wood?


Blogger Jo Jo The Monkeyboy's Ghost said ... (7:56 AM) : 

Howya doin' bwauth?

Hey lookit the nice monkey.

Nice monkey, nice!

Hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha!


Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said ... (8:20 AM) : 

Oh wow.
If you just substituted the word 'brownie' there, we'd be on like the exact same wavelength.
And let me get this straight, the monkey is, like, not deaf? That's like, really confusing.


Blogger The Kenobinator said ... (8:54 AM) : 

Exactly! That's what I'm sayin! It's a waste of time to teach Sign Language to a monkey that can hear, ain't it. I mean, ain't there no deaf monkeys she should be teachin it too?

Man, you always understood where I was comin from, Master.


Blogger Kathy said ... (10:19 AM) : 

Kenobi, would you marry me? I like Cheetos too, 'specially the extra crunchy kind. Plus I got a couple a cows and some chickens. I got a clothes line, cause my dryer's on the front porch you see, and I'll do your laundry and hang it up on that there clothes line. I'd do that, I really would, especially if you could get some of that there disability before you leave the Temple.


Blogger The Kenobinator said ... (11:14 AM) : 


That sounds like a perty good deal. Sounds like you got yourself a perty nice set-up out there too.

But I took this Jedi Oath and all, so I can't get married to nobody. I know, it stinks! Course, they don't tell you nothin' about that in their recruitment brochure.


Blogger Jason said ... (3:07 PM) : 

Why not just do what anakin is doing and become her 'Bodyguard' LOL


Blogger Mace Windu said ... (5:42 PM) : 

Oh Shure you have time to update Yoda's blog but cant update your own blog, shure I see how it is.


Blogger Jen said ... (8:04 PM) : 

Cheetos *are* awfully good.


Blogger Anakin Skywalker said ... (9:29 PM) : 

Yous gotta admit, Obs... it was pretty hizlarious how you thought that monkey were deaf or whatever.

Oh man I'm laughin jus thinkin bout it.


Anonymous 2nd Padawan from the Right said ... (10:34 PM) : 

Master Obi Wan ... We the loyal Padawan, (who have been away getting our braids re-strung), are profoundly impressed by not only your mastery of the language, your appreciation for fine cuisine, but the simple fact that you wanted to get that monkey a hearing aid. We are truly and deeply flummoxed! Because we feel we are seeing a new and, well, underappreciated side to you we will not tell Master Yoda upon his return about that whole ugly "Last Corndog at the Jedi Temple Cafeteria" incident between you and 4th Padawan from the left. We say, let bygones be bygones, and hope that you were finally able to get that mustard out of your beard ... Sir!


Blogger The Kenobinator said ... (11:06 PM) : 

2nd Padawan,

I couldn't understand everthing you said, what with you usin them big fancy words like "flummoxed" and "bygones" and "cuisine". But I think you was being nice and I appreciate you not squealing to Yoda about that whole corndog thing. Youns are some good kids, I don't care what nobody says about youns. (By the way, I know 4th Padawan heard me call dibs on that there corndog. And she musta seen me lick my finger and stick it in the dog, too.)

Oh, and about the mustard, I was savin it for a rainy day on account of sometimes we ain't got no more mustard here at the Temple. Course, that plan got blowed clear to Heck when Yoda sprayed me with the pressure washer that last time. Thanks for askin, though.


Blogger Shannon said ... (1:31 PM) : 

Ya know, Obs, as much as we disagree on, well, just about everything, I can kinda see your point here. I pretty much feel the same way about margaritas.


post a comment