So I was having a heart-to-heart conversation with Yoda the other day. I was pouring my heart out, man. I needed his listening ear, his big pointy listening ear.
Yoda and I go way back. But we don't get to share our feelings very often. So I wanted to really bond with the dude, I mean connect on a spiritual level with the man. I wanted to bond in a way that only two sensitive men can, you understand?
There could be hugging, there could be crying, there could be some real, honest soul-bearing. But it was going to be real. I mean really real. Not like the "real" in the reality shows on TV, where people pretend to be real then claim they were not being real but that they were being "in character", like that Omarosa person. That's not real, man. Where's the crying? Where's the hugging? Where's acknowledgement of each other's prettiness?
That's not the way it was going to be between Yoda and me the other day. I was going to have some real realness, some honesty - honesty so honest that all your insides hurt from telling so much truth. I just knew that Yoda and I were going to share.
Boy, was I disappointed.
Here's how the conversation went -
Mace: So when I was moisturizing for the fourth time yesterday - no, the fifth time, yeah, the fifth time. Or was it the fourth time? No, it was the fifth time. I remember now, because I usually soak my feet during the fifth time. Anyway, it occured to me when I was moisturizing that I wasn't paying enough attention to my exfoliation regimen! I mean, here I am, moisturizing all the time, but almost ignoring the exfoliation aspect of skin care! So I .... Yoda! Are you sleeping?
Yoda: Hm? No, no. Resting my eyes I was. Listening I am. Go on you can.
Mace: What was I talking about?
Yoda: Talking about moisture-farming the foliage on your skin, you were. Continue you can. Listening I am.
A little later...
Mace: ...and I started thinking, how shiny is too shiny? Is there such a thing as too shiny? My head has such a beautiful gleam already. Could I upset the balance? Do I dare take it to the next level? Am I emotionally prepared for that? I mean it was just so... Yoda!
Yoda: Huh? Yes, yes, shiny your emotions are.
Mace: You were asleep! You were even snoring!
Yoda: No, no. Mistaken you are. Snore I do not. Having a bout of Hay Fever I am. Noises my sinuses make. Go on. Listening I am.
A few seconds later...
Mace: ... I realized I was feeling guilty about being such a pretty man, like I didn't even deserve my own prettiness! I mean, what a break-through, you know? I ... Yoda!
Yoda: Why Dolly, know you were so frisky I did not. Hee hee!
Mace: Yoda! Wake up!
Yoda: What? Awake I am. See, open my eyes are. Been listening I have. Stay awake I will.
I give up, man!