This is so cool! Like, I've never even done a blog before, you know? I am so totally jazzed!
'Kay, so here goes.
So like, there have been these totally bogus rumors going around about me and this guy Anakin right? And they are so totally not true. I mean, I'm not even in to him, you know? So I've been totally bummed. I mean people have to be so lame about it. Like this Obi-Wan guy, who's supposed to be a big deal Jedi or something, but he's like, totally gross and smells like beer all the time. Anyways, he's always being a total Rufus, and he's all like, "Annie and Padmé sitting in a tree..." Like, so mature.
So me and my best girlfriend Sabé were in the mall talking about it, right? And, oh my god, you should've seen the shoes she had on! They were these cute little black Pradas with the spike heels and the silver buckles on them. Eh my gawd, they were like, so gorgeous! I could've just died, you know? So what was I saying? Oh, yeah. So like she was all like, "Why aren't you into Anakin? He's a total hottie."
And I'm like, "Yah, but he's a kid, and like, I'm a Senator. Hullo!"
But Sabé's totally jonesing for him. So I start talking about this Obi-Wan guy and how he's being like a total jerk about it, and she's like, "Maybe he's jealous. I heard from my friend's boyfriend, who has a sister who dates this clone trooper, who like talks to that Obi-Wan guy all the time, that he's kinda into you."
I'm like, "Oh, he is so totally not into me!"
And she's like, "Oh, he is so totally crushing on you!"
And I'm like, "No way!"
And she's like, "Way!"
"You get out!"
And she's like, "It's totally true. My friend's boyfriend's sister's boyfriend would never lie about something like that. It's like an oath Clone Troopers take or something. He has so got the hots for you."
Well, it doesn't matter, anyway, because he's like so totally gross and he's always got, like Cheetos crumbs in his beard and stuff. And he never, like cleans his ears, so he's got all this grody wax coming out of them. It's like how does he even hear, you know? And his robe looks like he hasn't changed it in, like, a year, and like he probably uses the sleeves to wipe his nose. And like, I don't know if he ever brushes his teeth, but they sure don't look like it. And like don't get me started on his shoes, 'cause like, I'm not even going to go there! I mean, he's like totally gross. Even if I was like, into older guys, which I'm totally not, but if I were, there'd be no way I'd go out with this guy.
So, I gotta like, wrap it up, 'cause Master Yoda said I have to keep it under 600 words, which is like so lame, you know? Like, how can you say anything important in just 600 words? But he'll be back tomorrow anyways, so have fun swimming with the dolphins, Master Yoda!
So, anyways, I gotta blaze now, 'cause Annie, I mean, young Jedi Skywalker, is going to pick me up in a few, but it's like, totally official Republic business. It's not like a date or anything. Because we are totally not going out. So talk to ya later, 'kay?