Friday, July 01, 2005

Guest Poster: Mace Windu [Topic: My Beautiful Shiny Head]

Mace Windu Shiny Head

I've come to the realization that there is nothing in this world more beautiful than my shiny head. That's right - my beautiful, round, chestnut tone, bald, shiny head. I've never seen a more attractive shape anywhere in the Universe.

I'm a pretty man!!

Just like Muhammed Ali, but better. He didn't have my perfect shiny head. Plus, his face would get all puffy from being punched all the time. But I don't let that happen to my face. I moisturize six times a day - seven on the weekends. You don't get this soft, young-looking skin by accident. No sir!

But back to my head. My shiny head. My beautiful shiny head.

I love to get up early in the morning just to look at my head. I position my full-length vanity mirror so that it faces the window, that way I can see the sun rise over my head. As the first rays of daybreak bounce off of my handsome noggin, it starts to glimmer radiantly in all its chestnut glory! You ain't never seen such a beautiful sight! My eyes well up just thinking about it. Excuse me, I need a tissue...

Ok, I'm back. Back to talk about my shiny head. Have I mentioned how pretty it is?

When I look in the mirror, specifically at my head, I don't know how any woman could possibly resist me. I feel sorry for all the female Jedi in the Temple. I'm sure that everyday when they get the pleasure of looking at my beautiful head, they consider breaking their Jedi Oath just to have a taste of Mace Windu sweetness! Mm hmm, that's right! It must be torture for them. Oh, but when I combine the beauty that is my head with a little Epilady around the eyebrows and my twice-weekly professional manicure, watch out! There ain't nothing can stop me then! (Excuse my poor grammar, but I can't contain myself when I'm talking about my beautiful head!)

Sure, for awhile I bought into the hype about hair. I experimented with toupees and wigs. But let me tell you, man, hair is overrated! Especially when you have a cranium as divinely perfect as mine! You see, I realized that I was denying the unfathomable beauty of my scalp. Maybe I couldn't handle that much beauty yet. Maybe I wasn't ready for it. But now, I want to shout so the whole world can hear me, "I'm bald; I'm beautiful; I'm not wearing underwear; and I don't care who knows it!"

Yeah, I had to put up with the jokes. Like Yoda pointing at my head and making his childish remarks about "stubble there is, stubble there is not". But he's just jealous, man! I mean, why wouldn't he be, with that little wrinkled old knot-head he's got?

So if you've got a pretty head like mine, I'm here to tell you, don't let the nay-sayers tear you down, man! Wear that skin with pride! Preach it!

That's all I have to say. Yoda will be back to talk to you people tomorrow after he's done getting his - wait, I can't ever read these notes he scribbles down. It looks like he's getting his hair feeder derailed? What the - ? I don't know. Anyway, he'll be back tomorrow.

Comments on "Guest Poster: Mace Windu [Topic: My Beautiful Shiny Head]"


Blogger Count Dooku said ... (6:54 AM) : 

Master Windu, perhaps, 'to shave or not to shave' could be the topic of discussion at the next SLA meeting? I used to have really long hair, you know...


Blogger Mace Windu said ... (9:24 AM) : 

Shave that beautiful head!

Of course, in your case, Dooku, I suggest using some head polish to get that nice cranial gleem. Also, you need to start moisturizing. Start at five times a day and work your way up.

Bald is beautiful! Shine on, my bald, beautiful brother!


Blogger JawaJuice said ... (10:27 AM) : 

What if you normaly live in an area where twin suns would fry a bald head to bacon crisp? -And your only alternative is to go around hiding under a cloak? What's the point of shaving your head then if you cant show it off then?


Anonymous The Jedi Princess said ... (10:47 AM) : 

Wow. Just wow, Mace, wow.


Blogger Mace Windu said ... (10:53 AM) : 

Jawa Juice,
That only makes it better for the shining! Put some 80 spf uv sunblocker on that bad boy and shine away!

jedi princess,
That's exactly what I said when I looked in the mirror this morning, "Just wow, Mace, wow."


Blogger Qui-Gon Jinn said ... (11:31 AM) : 

Uh, huh huh.
You sure have changed your tune there, Master Windu.
I remember when I wasn't, you know, dead, and you came to in me tears (which was quite often). Sobbing your little heart out because you were losing your hair. You said that you felt jealous of my long beautiful flowing hippie hair. Hippie hair that, if properly moisturised, is like clean shimmering silk. And it smells better than Windu scalp, let me tell you.


Blogger Leia said ... (11:44 AM) : 

I wonder what Chewie would look like bald.
Your head is beautiful, Mace. Keep waxing it! You know, Padme recently got her head shaved too!


Blogger Mace Windu said ... (12:29 PM) : 

Your Worship, (Han Solo told me I should call you that.)

Thanks for recognizing the beauty that is my head!

But I think Yoda answered your question about Chewbacca in his last Ask Yoda post.


Blogger Aayla Secura said ... (1:44 PM) : 

Ever think of using your head as a reflective surface for others?


Anonymous bellringr said ... (1:56 PM) : 

Mace - that's not hair feeder derailed...that's air speeder detailed :D

Will rubbing your beautiful shiny head bring me good luck?


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said ... (2:44 PM) : 

Mace...have you ever thought of a toupee?


Blogger Mace Windu said ... (3:40 PM) : 

Captain Picard,

Didn't you read my post? Forget the toupees, man! Let that beautiful bald head sing!

From one bald brother to another, even though this post answers your question, DO NOT READ IT, PLEASE! In fact, whatever you do, do NOT click here.


Blogger Nic said ... (3:42 PM) : 

Mace, don't be a wuss. Seriously man, you're creeping me out with all this touchy feely stuff. You're supposed to be a strong, black Jedi! Full of whoop-ass. Not a "hand me a tissue I need a moment" girly man.

Master Yoda, we miss you! I'll be offline through next Monday due to computer issues, unless I can get it fixed before then. SIGH.


Anonymous John said ... (5:12 PM) : 

I'd like to put in my two cents here. Mace, I'm happy that you've come to terms with who you are, and have accepted that you look better bald than with a goofy toupee. There's no need to hide whou you are. However... if Master Yoda was right when he noted that "stubble there is... stubble there is not" then I think it would show more strength to go the route that Captain Picard has... just accept the natural balding process and live with it. Oh, and Qui-Gon is right-there's nothing cooler than long, flowing hippy hair.


Anonymous Anonymous said ... (5:58 PM) : 

Mace.. Mace.. Mace.. what are we going to do with you.


Blogger Barriss Offee said ... (8:33 PM) : 

What about a tattoo, Master Windu?

Hey-that rhymes.


Anonymous The Jedi Princess said ... (9:11 PM) : 

I think we meant different reasons for "wow"-ing.

Yoda, where are you? I fear for his sanity.


Blogger ninjanun said ... (9:42 PM) : 

Master Windu, while I applaud your enthusiasm and whole-hearted acceptance of your bold, beautiful, shiny head, I doubt the female Jedi are wanted to "taste" it.

Be strong, my man.


Anonymous Anakin said ... (11:02 PM) : 

You're just jealous, bro. Face it. I've got the goods, and you just can't compete.

Although your head IS a great way for me to check my own hair whenever you're in the room.


Blogger Han Solo said ... (12:04 AM) : 

They say this cat is a bad mother-
I'm talkin' 'bout Mace!


Blogger Florence said ... (1:26 AM) : 

Okay, this was seriously one of the best things I've ever read in all of my entire life. I mean, I love me some Star Wars. I really do. But to go to the extent of making a blog with a lot of the characters? Man, you guys are seriously some HUGE fans!! This blog is definitely going into my bookmarks section, because I can't get enough of it!
Aaaah man. Mace Windu, I love you in all of your purple lightsaber, bald headed glory. You are the epitome of cool.
Never have I read a blog so great. I will be back.


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