I'm tired of you people asking me to smile! You don't know what I have to put up with every day! You just don't know.
Just this morning, that boy Anakin comes up to me and says, "Yo, Dawg! Wassup! Hey, I saw that supafly lightsaber trick you pulled on that whack Sith Lord the other day. It was fly, yo! You da man, Playa!"
I just wanted to slap him so hard. That boy has less soul than "Uncle Jessie" from that Dukes of Hazzard TV show. But he has the nerve to go around talking like that! And he wonders why I won't call him "Annie from the block". Block-head is more like it.
He's not the only one. I mean, how many times can I listen to Obi-Wan belch his way through the Alphabet before I lose my mind? And I don't care what he says, he is not using the Force to help him do that!
And Yoda. Oh my God! He keeps saying how he's almost 900 years old. Well, you'd think someone who has lived that long would have enough life experience so that he wouldn't have to keep telling the same three stories over and over again. And if I have to hear about his varicose veins one more time, I swear, I will amputate his leg for him! Don't even get me started on that Dolly Parton obsession of his.
None of that is as bad as when the three of them are together. I would love to sit down at the dinner table just once, without being drawn into a game of "Guess Who Farted". It wouldn't be so bad, if this game didn't last all night. Oh sure, they all laugh about it when it happens, but no one wants to admit to doing it. For the love of all that is good and decent, people, take some responsibility for your actions! And for your information, Obi-Wan, it is not always, "the smeller's the feller", no matter how many times you say that!
I am going to lose it one day, man, just lose it! I've tried coping. I've really tried. But trust me, they do not make enough Prozac for you to take that can make Obi-Wan Kenobi seem like a real human being. Now you tell me, what do I have to smile about? What?!
Yoda will be back tomorrow, after he's done getting his tattoo, or whatever the heck he's doing. Now leave me alone. And stop asking me to smile!